I came across this elsewhere. I reckon it's funny enough to share for
those who may not have seen it before. If they can do this on Fosters
what are they going to be capable of when they graduate to Guinness ???


After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a
"gripe sheet,"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, do***ent their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be
said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual
maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the
solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way,
Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an
accident. . . .
Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and get serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.

P. Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget hammering on something.
S: Took hammer away from midget.


Reg

bill e. nomates

You're wasting your time in here with humour.

greg

Oh no he isn't...

Greg

allan

Oh yes he is!

paul mcintosh

Yup, you all proved it! BTW, that list is about 60 years old!

--
Paul McIntosh
RC-Bearings.com
"when steel just isn't enough"

That's why it appeals to me - born just a bit later than me !
I like young things >:-)

There's them as wot will have seen it before and there's them as hasn't.

Reg

david

As always and with all things. There's nothing new under the sun.

David

dave :^\)

Don't forget the problems Americans have with humour (humor? - they can't
even spell it!) ;^P
Dave :^)

malcolm fisher

I hadn't seen this lot previously and couldn't prevent an outburst of
laughter.

As for those who think your wasting your time Reg, ignore them and keep any
more like this coming - there are those who haven't seen them, and for them
it's worthwhile.

Malcolm

the natural philosopher

But its amazing what crawls out when you turn up a shaded stone..

Never mind cash for questions, cash for a peerage..
Mind you, Sir Clive Sinclair must have tossed a loada folding to get
himself a peerage.

Made a change from the other thing he used to toss..