sheriff bart

Ok, so where was I ?? Oh yeah I somehow got roped into, hoodwinked
bamboozled, led astray even. The powers that be had decided that I was going
to grill / cookout, now I am standing before the holiest of holy places. No
Mickey, not Pam Anderson's ***** / lingerie drawer but my father's grill.
There I stood in awe, memories of burgers gone by and one thought rushed
into my mind. How the hell was I going to pull this one off ?

Don't let the smooth taste fool you the Ol Sheriff has been in and out of
many a pickle. Like the time PadronMan & Tim talked me into breaking into
Hutch's place to get some cigars for a road trip. Or the time I went mano a
mano / toe to toe / one on one with the local Hookah bar.Hell, I even
conquered a Day Spa.but cooking on my fathers grill and even coming close to
his BBQ mastery.well, just seemed a bit outta reach.

I opened the cover on the Holy Grail and the horror I witnessed was unlike
anything I had ever seen. The grill had never, and I do mean NEVER been
cleaned !! There was stuff / gunk / grit caked up that looked as it had
been there for centuries..someone better call Indiana Jones or Lara Croft
Tomb Raider..hmmmm...Angelina Jolie in spandex...

But again I digress......

I ran back into the compound as quickly as I could..I was going to need some
serious back up !! By now, Sgt Major Knox would have cracked open that
bottle of Sherry and ready to take on ANY mission !

Sheriff Bart - General ?

Generalissimo Afro - Yeah ?

Sheriff Bart - When was the last time you cleaned that grill ?

Generalissimo Afro - December 13th, 1983

Sheriff Bart - WHAT ???

Generalissimo Afro - December 13th, 1983

Sheriff Bart - Jesus H Christ...I'll never get that thing clean.

Generalissimo Afro - You'll get it clean enough to cook on

Sheriff Bart - When is the last time you at least shoveled the ashes outta
that thing ?

Generalissimo Afro - December 15th, 1983. Right after your grandma Eula
died.

Sheriff Bart - Oh yeah, I remember.you cooked for everyone that night.

Generalissimo Afro - That's right, so I cleaned out the ashes to make room
for new ones.

Sheriff Bart - Ah ok, well it is going to take all day for me to get the old
ones out just to cook. We'd be better off going to Bob's Steak & Chophouse

Generalissimo Afro - Hmmm..

- Time out -

Right then it hit me.You kjnow, the little guy that pop's up on your
shoulder.the one that ALWAYS gets you into trouble...Yeah him. This time he
looked a LOT like Tim L.

Evil Little Tim - Yo Dawg

Sheriff Bart - Yeah ?

Evil Little Tim - Think he is gonna take us to Bob's ? I sure could go for a
rib eye and some of that Chocolate cake they got

Sheriff Bart - Me too dawg..but who knows?

Evil Little Tim - Hey, what did he mean " I had to make room for new ones"

Sheriff Bart - That he cleaned the old ashes out, so he would have room for
the new one

Evil Little Tim - No bruh, he said make room.like he was adding new ashes or
sumpin'

Sheriff Bart - Naw..

Evil Little Tim - Yeah.

Sheriff Bart - Naw..

Evil Little Tim - YEAH ! Sounds like to me he went and got him some ashes
on or about the 15th of December.19 and 83. But you ain't heard that from
me...want me to call CSI ?? I got my Blackberry right here !

Sheriff Bart - No I do not..and when did YOU get a Blackberry

Evil Little Tim - Don't you worry about all that.you need to find out where
them ashes came from ! ** POOF **

- Time in -

Sheriff Bart - Uh General ?

Generalissimo Afro - Yeah ?

Sheriff Bart - You said you cleaned the grill out to make "room" for "new"
ashes ?

Generalissimo Afro - Yes, had to have room to put the new ones in

Sheriff Bart - To put new ones in ?

Generalissimo Afro - Yeah ?

Sheriff Bart - Oh..ok ?

Evil Tim - Hay dawg..I got CSI on the line..just say the word !

Sheriff Bart - Shaddup Tim !

Generalissimo Afro - What ?

Sheriff Bart - Nothing General, but where exactly did those "new" ashes come
from ?

Generalissimo Afro - Here and there.

Sheriff Bart - Here and there ?

Generalissimo Afro - Yes, here and there !

Evil Tim - Hey dawg, want me to call back up ? They can be there in 8
minutes !!

Sheriff Bart - No Tim I do not

Generalissimo Afro - Who are you talking too ?

Sheriff Bart - NOBODY !

Miss Dotty - Al, he got that boy so worked up he talking to himself !

Sgt major Knox - I see that, damn shame too.he had so much potential

Sugah - Grrrr..

Evil Tim - Nobody huh ?? Remember that when "nobody" is kicking yo ass
later.oh, and ask him where Grand Ma Eula's urn is ?

Sheriff Bart - No I will not !! .and how did I wind up with a White Guardian
Angel ??

Evil Tim - Affirmative action

Sheriff Bart - Ain't that about a bitch ! Where is Jesse Helms when you
need him ?

Generalissimo Afro - Who the hell are you talking too ?

Sheriff Bart - Nobody, and where is Grandma Eula's urn ?

Generalissimo Afro - What ??

Sheriff Bart - WHERE is Grandma Eula's urn..??

Generalissimo Afro - .....I put it up someplace, not like we needed it any
more!

Eveil Tim - I knew it.he killed that old woman and burned her up to conceal
the crime !

Sheriff Bart - No he did not..she was damn near 100 when she died

Evil Tim - She might have made a 100 if General Kevorkian over there had
stayed out of it.

Sheriff Bart - Dude, he did not kill my grand mother

Evil Tim - Yeah, well about your dog Scraps ?

Sheriff Bart - He got hit by a car while I was in school

Evil Tim - That's the story he told you.all I know is, he was alive when you
left for school and gone went you got back. Sounds like he is 2 for 2 ..You
do the math !! ** POOF **

Sheriff Bart - I know I am going to regret this but.General ..Dad..what
exactly did you do with grandma Eula's ashes

Generalissimo Afro - I put them to good use

Sheriff Bart - You did WHAT ?? You used them in that grill didn't you ?

Generalissimo Afro - As I said, I put them to good use

Evil Tim - Damn, this IS a tasty burger.got that Old School flavor !!

I have officially descended to the 7th level of hell ..this one's gonna get
ugly !

Stay tuned !!

--
Sheriff Bart
~ Save a horse, ride a homeboy ~

padronman©®

Snipping a hell of a part 3.............................

Sheriff you are cracking me the **** up. Can't wait for part
4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOL Eulah.........

--
PadronMan©®

It all seems so stupid it makes me want to give up.
But why should I give up when it all seems so stupid?

lee

On 5/12/05 5:46 PM, in article
iNSge.72647$NC6.60400@newsread1.mlpsca01.us.to.ver io.net, "Sheriff Bart"

Not to mention that whole "Havin' My Baby" karaoke fiasco <g>.

lee

Oh, ma gawd...

mickey

Too damn funny, Raleigh! ;-)

Can't wait for the next installment!

Mickey

frz

Damn it Sheriff!! When you gonna take my advice?? Keep 'em coming, best
reads since your last "adventure"!!!

---Frz

cjnic

<snip>

Reads like an old Eddie Murphy movie.....

Keep em comin!!!!!

Chris

--
"Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal,
a good cigar and a good woman - or a
bad woman; it depends on how much
happiness you can handle."
George Burns

the makule guy

The doctor said that the day I was born...

8-)

Great story, dude...

ray

Dude, I don't know where you were but I want some of whatever it was
you were drinking and/or smoking......

Seriously, Rawls....some superfunny shit, dawg! Keep it comin'


Ray

sheriff bart

Thanks Ray...I am trying !

sheriff