richard bonnage

Here are some actually logged maintenance complaints and
problems as submitted by Qantas pilots - and the solution
recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is
the only major airline that has never had an accident.
(P = the problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = the solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in ****pit.
S: Something tightened in ****pit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.
-----------
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're there for.
-----------
P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
-----------
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
-----------
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
-----------
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.
-----------
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
-----------
P: Mouse in ****pit.
S: Cat installed.
-----------
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding
on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

ashin nandodaya

i think that was brilliant
i laughed the whole time i was reading it and some more afterwards

regards
nandodaya

--
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dhammodaya myanmar vihara
po box 22606, southgate
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slow eddy

LOL.
Thanks Richard.

--

Slow Eddy

hayesmstw

LOL!

--
Steve Hayes from Tshwane, South Africa
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/7734/stevesig.htm
E-mail - see web page, or parse: shayes at dunelm full stop org full stop uk

conciliator

With more hours on my PPL then I care to think about (it gives away
one's age!), I really appreciated those stories. Thanks, Richard.