26th January 06:35
DAVID S......your situation reminds me of a current discussion by the
webmaster at the web site phcagroups.org.....he talks about how men will
say how they studied this disease extensively before they made theit
treatment choice (don't know about you) only to find out the opposite is
was true.....when dx'd we just wnt this cancer gone "now", so we take
everything said by others at face value instead of comparing the
data......education, before treatment, has been stressed by this ng in
the 10 months I've been lurking here......curtis say it best: knowledge
is power and gowing wise is optional.
Keith Lundy/So. California
40 Proton Beam Radiation Treatments
Loma Linda Univ.Med Ctr..3/03-5/03
27th January 09:41
For some of us, those who have been through significant trauma,
depression isn't something we can just talk ourselves out of. I have
only been completely well between the ages of about 13 and a month
after I was 21. The rest of my life has been nothing but pain and
struggle to survive just one more day on limited resources. Place on
top of this a seriously dysfunctional family where your mother is
schizophrenic AND bi-polar and a father who just wants to get away
from it all - and then add alcoholism to the mix - you stay depressed.
The very sever arthritis that stared just after I was 21 has left me
with hellacious pain and on the only pain killer that works for
something this bad - steroids. Started with Decadron then worked my
way down to Prednisone. Of course, one of the side effects of this
drug (besides a host of others, including probably the PCa - I am the
only person on either side of the family to ever had cancer going back
for 200 years, at least) is a continual depression that must be fought
daily as well. Talk about stress!
Just the trauma of continual pain is enough to cause depression and I
have had pain 2/3rds of my life. Being a former alcoholic who stopped
drinking 27+ years ago, I have meet too many people who just can't
talk themselves out of depression. It is part of our genetic makeup.
My brother in law who was shot at constantly and lay awake at night in
his bunker waiting for the next mortar round to hit his bunker
directly at Da Nang where he was stationed the whole time of his tour,
operating heavy machinery to keep the place going - in the Army
Engineers - came back a changed person. He has never been not
depressed since, yet fights the good fight every day. My dad, who saw
action and was seriously wounded in WW II, loosing his left eye + ...,
is closed emotionally and doesn't even realize he is depressed.
For many of us, depression is NOT something you "just get over by
pulling your self up by your boot-straps." It is an unfortunate,
continual part of our lives that never leaves. And I meditate daily to
get the relief I need. But when a trauma occurs, such as hearing the
words "you have cancer" or "your PSA is back up" or "you have a 60%
chance of survival if we can find any way to get you the IMRT you must
have to live" depression isn't a choice we make. It is a deamon we
have inside of us we can control at times but can never master unless
we somehow become fully enlightened spiritual beings, which I am
trying to do. I know a few others in my meditation group who have made
it there. It is what Christ means when he says in the Sermon on the
Mount "the Kingdom of God lies within." I'm not only a Christian, I am
a Buddhist, a Hindu, a Muslim - all religions have the same end point
if you can brake through the words to the reality that lies beneath
Shiit, depression exist. Some can get out of it with a positive
attitude. The rest of us can't. My only hope is to pray and meditate
when I can. And it is damnded difficult to do this when you are in
emotional and/or physical pain.
Curtis - let me suggest something for you. Take it for whatever it is
worth. Forget about what other's expect from you. Pack your wife and
yourself into a car, go to San Antonio to the V.A. Hospital located
in, and a part of, the UT Med School there and get the radiation
treatments you need there. I have met the guy who does it - was it
only yesterday??? Gourd_dancer was right to send me there. And read
Stephen J. Gould's article about his cancer on the Phoenix 5 web site.
I have considered him to be one of the finest minds since Einstein
ever since I first read his lucid, wonderfully reasoned articles in
first the Journal of the Geological Society of America, then in
"Science" published by the Am. Assoc. for the Advancement of Science
and then everything I could get my hands on. He helped turn me around
and take back some degree of control on my medical treatment. Before I
read that I knew something was wrong sub-consciously but didn't
realize it what it was. It was the fact that I had an idiot for a
urologist who kept telling my internist when she called about PSA
reports that he wouldn't do anything until it became "serious." Hell,
I should have had IMRT ASAP after the first post-op PSA came back 0.5.
I just felt defeated and was depressed not to see it sooner. And I
shattered my left leg when just starting to get relief for the
depression after the RRP finding out that I had osteoporosis. Had to
fight that with all that was in me.
So to all of you out there who can do the mental turn around by
yourself I just want to say how much I envy you. I don't have an ice
cube's chance in hell of doing it. God, or my Higher Power, or
whatever you want to call it, has got to do it for me. Otherwise I am
a basket case as I have been today. Its why I am trying desperately to
look on the funny side of this. I might as well have some fun while I
Thanks for reading all of this b.s.
Jim (AKA BillyBob, but only to newsgroups!)
Pre-op. PSA: 5.1
Biopsy 1-3-2001: 3+3=6, only 10% difused cells, left side only
RP: 3-12-01 20% capsular penetration, 20% difused cells, neg lymph & Sem. ves.
Erection - 6 weeks
PSA's - .5,1.1,.5,.3,.4,.7,.7,.7,.6,.7,.7.,.9
NO ONE, not even my med school Pathology Prof. Step-Sister
EVER said "radiation" - "Wait until it gets to 2.0"
Quote of urologist who did RP!
Can't beat that deal at ANY price! and I have a 30 year old car with only 26,000 miles on it that a little old lady only used to drive to church on Sundays. Want to buy that as well?
27th January 09:41
Chuckle......allergy to beer is genetic......daughter is too. But it
tastes like liquid soap anyway, so no big deal.......grin. I too am a
long way from Key West, but hey, if you are footing the plane
27th January 09:41
hi heather - canadian club was what i use to drink and i still have the
bottle that i took my last drink out of.
i use to do some serious drinking.
long story short, i was minding by own business, popped a 12oz can of
coke and broke the seal on a fifth of CC. had less than a fourth of
bottle left and still have some coke left in the can. THEN, i got
involved in a shoot out with armor piercing shells (not mine) and bev,
this was in Norfolk, va.
that was the night, i did some rethinking about drinking and gun fights.
maybe i'll tell the story sometime. it has quite a story line. armor
piercing bullets hitting engine block on getaway car and breaking block.
another shoot out 2 1/2 hours later. quite a night.
knowledge is power - growing old is mandatory - growing wise is optional
28th January 15:47
The only thing I have to add is I have lived with my wife's depression all
my adult life -- and it's a bitch!!! Hang in there c.
PSA 16 10/17/2000 @ 46
Biopsy 11/01/2000 G7 (3+4), T2c
PSA .1 .1 .1 .3 .4 .8
EBRT 05-07/2002 @ 47
PSA .3 .2 .2 .2 .3
Erection 05/12/2003 @ 48
HT 07/21&09/04/2003 @ 48
29th January 20:00
A therapy that is being widely used for profound post traumatic
stress disorder is EMDR (eye movement desensitization and
reprocessing). It is effective in just a few sessions. I'm not
sure if it is applicable to depression but I don't know why it
wouldn't be. You should be able to get a copy of Francine
Shapiro's book "EMDR" from the library. It gives case histories
and describes the treatment. You can find a trained therapist
for most anywhere in the world through the website http://www.emdr.com