1st November 01:59
Grief from loss
I've never posted before but I feel the need. On Wednesday night I came
home from work and Scout (9 year old cat) didn't meet me at the front door.
I went upstairs and found him laying on our bed. I petted him and figured
he was just tired. I went downstairs to start dinner and he still didn't
come down -- usually he'd be rubbing my legs raw at this point. Finally I
went upstairs and brought him down where he stayed until it was time to go
to bed. As part of our usual nighttime ritual, he came up on the couch and
sat with me. My husband found a lump in his belly and we said that we'd
take him to the vet the next day. My husband took him to the vet and he
immediately sent them to a specialist. The specialist did a sonogram, took
an x-ray and then decided that he needed to do surgery to see what was going
on. We were able to hold Scout before the doctor gave him the anesthetic
for surgery -- he was so happy and content in our arms. Once the doctor
started the surgery he immediately called us back and told us that the tumor
he found could not be removed and that it had spread. We needed to make the
hardest decision that we've ever had to make. I certainly did not want to
have Scout in pain (recovery from the surgery and whatever the tumor would
bring) so we decided to put him to sleep. We asked the doctor what he would
do if this was his cat - he said that he would put it to sleep. What made
this even harder is the fact that we are stationed in Germany and had to do
this out on the economy (with the little German that we know). As soon as
we walked out of the doctors office it started snowing. We think that was
one last gift from Scout to us -- saying that he made it heaven safely. All
I can do is sit here and cry. I miss him so, so much. Scout left behind a
brother who loved to play with him - he's been walking thru the house
crying. I went thru all of the pictures that we have and hope that I have
the strength soon to make a collage of my best friend. We decided to have
him cremated because there was no way that I could leave Germany and have
Scout still here. This way he'll always be with us - no matter where we go.
We also sat down and made a list of "Things that we loved about Scout" -- we
came up with 36 (and counting) things that he did that made him so special.
He was the most lovable cat in the whole world. He loved to be picked up
and he would hug you - he would wrap his front paws around your neck and his
back legs around your side and start purring. We miss him so much - beyond
anything that I can write. What else can we do to ease our pain and what
can we do for Lucky (Scout's brother and best friend for the last 9 years)?
My heart is already broken but it hurts so much to see Lucky not able to
find his brother. Thanks for listening. Everyone who has a pet at home -
please take the time now to pick them up and give them a great big "Scout
hug" - you'll never know when it will be the last time. Scout -- I know you
are watching from heaven - we send you all of our love, hugs and kisses and
hope that you weren't in any pain. I'm so sorry that we didn't find the
tumor before. I hope your last thoughts were of us holding you in the
doctors office, scratching, rubbing and kissing you. You'll always be in
our thoughts. Our family seems so empty without you here..
All of our love,
Stacy, Andy & Lucky
10th November 17:24
Grief from loss (grieving)
I'm so sorry for your loss. How sad for you and how awful you must be
feeling. I guess everyone in this ng has gone through something like it at
one time or another. I lost my best friend on 9/12/03 and I'm still
suffering and grieving for my buddy. He was the same age as your kitty.
But he had diabetes and we lost him much too quickly. Nine years is much
too young! I posted to this ng for support as I was absolutely lost and
devastated. It is very slowly getting better but it is not easy. I like
that you were able to make a list of of the things you loved about Scout.
I'm sure you will keep adding to the list. That's a wonderful thing to do.
Be strong. I'm really sorry for you.
10th November 17:24
Grief from loss (grieving)
Thank you for posting Scout's story. I am so sorry for your loss, and
I'm sure you feel devastated.
It sounds like you have already done some very positive and helpful
things, especially making the list. You may want to think about doing
a website in Scout's honor, too, or write a joural to him. You could
also plant something in his honor (may want to wait until Spring, or
until you are home), or make a donation to a no-kill shelter in
No matter what you do, you will still feel the pain for as long as you
are grieving. It takes time to work through it, and the timeframe is
different for everyone. Just let yourselves feel what you need to
feel, seek out supportive people to be around you right now, and know
that you did the best you could for your beloved Scout.
Lucky is greiving, too. Maybe you can help each other through it.
Try to keep Lucky's routine the same as much as you can. Give him
plenty of love and affection, and sit down and tell him what happened
to Scout, and reassure him that he is okay. Give Lucky some time,
too, and I'm sure he will work through his grief as well.
You are in my thoughts.
13th November 04:54
Grief from loss (grief)
Stacy, Andy & Lucky,
I am extremely sorry to hear of your loss....I know the pain you are
enduring. I myself just lost my best friend in the entire world, my
14 year old cat "Kudi" on Thursday, October 23rd. The pain is
incredible, but with each passing day, it does get a little better
becuase your grief turns to remembering the good things. Trust me on
that one. When Kudi passed on, I thought I was going to die too.
Maybe a part of me died too, but please know that you did what was
best for your pet and you'll be reunited with him/her someday soon.
I am here if you guys need someone to talk to - I know talking to
others here and at lightningstrike.com have helped me immensely.
All my best to you and your family - I will say a prayer for your
loved one tonight.
Regards, Tony in Phoenix, Arizona