paul r. bennett

Hi
When I read Evelyn's posts about Ida, Tumbleweeds, Songbirds.
And I got my own grief. Which finally reached the point where I am
meeting with professional conselors because I finally had to admit I
could not do it alone.
I read these things and they remind me and bring tears to my eyes,
because it hurts.
But I try to share pretties. Got my own website, ain't pay, I share,
from the heart and don't ask diddly. I share, for heart, for fun, maybe
even for the lightening of hearts, if my photos and stories can do that.

I offer pretties, I hope.
http://www.rffox.com., under arts and crafts, and photos.
I have tried to bring folks pretty pictures.
My stories, on the other hand, are gather grim, but still, I do offer
them, for folks amusement.
Like I said, tain't a commercial site, don't ask a dime, just trying to
share.
Paul

tumbleweed

Eventually no one can do it alone, or at least not safely or sanely.

--
Tumbleweed

Remove my socks for email address

evelyn ruut

I had no idea how exhausted I was, emotionally, physically and mentally....
until we finally placed her in a facility. I also believe she is better
cared for because NOT being cared for by exhausted, burnt out people is
better.

We are comfortable in knowing that someone else is getting up with her at
night, and we can visit her happy and rested. Also not having to hire a
sitter to go out for an hour is a huge relief.

--
Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

songbird

I find I don't realize how stressed I am until I post it here. and instead
of making it worse, it makes it better, because I am not carrying around all
the fears and junk stuffed down and festering. Thanks for wanting to help,
Paul.

Now to call the aunt who wants to know why I am not going up for Mom's
surgery tomorrow ... <sigh> while I am asking myself same question...

Songbird

paul r. bennett

Nods
So many folks, as they just begin, don't truly appreciate how terribly hard it
will become. Folks want so much to care for the ones they love, which I
understand.
I swore I would never put Mom or Dad in a nursing home, because we had to put
my grandmother in one.
Then reality whacked me up side of the head with a splitting maul. I had to
admit that I did not have the training, the skills to care for ones I loved. I
had to ask myself what was best for them. And, I am trained in emergency
medicine and physically fit.
But there comes a time when one has to acknowledge that the level of care
needed for loved ones exceeds what one can possibly provide, and still continue
with a job.
After a certain point professional skilled care is required.
Hey, Evelynn, something to share. There is kind of like a guilt involved. You
have tried and worked so long and hard to care for one you love, and you can't
do it anymore. You can't. A level of professional care is needed from trained
folks.
And finally you turn your loved one over to them. And maybe you feel you have
failed, but thee is also this massive relief that you may not want to admit.
But Evelynn, you have not failed the one you love! You are not some spandex
clad super hero. You have done your best! And you have made, as others have,
and folks here will, a decision You have placed the care of your loved one in
hands better trained, equipped to care for them.
I know, first hand, there is guilt. County services called me and told me how,
when Dad was placed, he kept crying. But I could not take care of him like he
needed, and I have frozen that away. I could not even be there, caring for him
and mom had almost bankrupted me, and left me without transportation and he was
two hours away.
Evelynn, just a suggestion, if you will. May I suggest that now might be a
good time to seek conselling? Been there, done that, know it hurts. But none
of us wear spandex or have a red "S" on our chests. We are just mortals and
sometimes we need help.
There is the relief, and the guilt. Don't know if I am making sense and I
don't have answers.
Paul

evelyn ruut

Hi Paul,

An excellent post. Thanks for your kind suggestion, but I tell you
truthfully that I don't feel an iota of guilt. I think I was stupid for
holding out as long as I did.

I hope no one sees that in a wrong way, but it is the honest truth. I
feel like I have my life back and I know I did a good deed for as long as I
could handle it.

As a buddhist we make a practice of letting things go when it is time.

--
Regards,
Evelyn

(to reply to me personally, remove 'sox")

paul r. bennett

Evelyn
I am so glad that you do embrace beliefs that help you see it that way. I
certainly don't see it as "wrong" to admit there comes a time...
Oh, and, as you are a buddist, and if the folks of the news group would not take
offense, perhaps later I could share with all of you a memory I have from
Thailand, of a tour I took from MWR when I was stationed there.
Paul

paul r. bennett

And a side note.
I may scream.
Turns out I did not realize my stories web side had been modified as well.
Here I was, sitting fat, dumb, and happy, serene in the knowledge that I had
not...
I thought anyway. Duh!
I am just so embarrassed!
My apologies... the links have been fixed. With some of my stories, just in
time as June 6th 1944 is coming up.
I hope I can bring some folks enjoyment. and hope.
Paul