the puppy wizard

HOWEDY robin,


<robinxjoy-9C9517.23375216052004@news.central.cox.net>,

Yeast ear infections can be caused by STRESS.

Perhaps you was fighting to restrain her.
<snip>

That's good that she'd still let you handle her.
<snip>

You COULD break her excessive scratchin
if you knew HOWE. Well, you really DO know
THAT, but you won't, cause DECENT PEOPLE
DO NOT POST HERE abHOWETS. Do they.

From: Robin (robinxjoy@yahoo.com)
Subject: Re: Effexor-can enlarged lymph nodes be side effect?

Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.medication
Date: 2004-04-15 00:54:24 PST
In article <c5l0mv$2tpm6$1@ID-58739.news.uni-berlin.de>,
"metta" <kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com> wrote:

Nope, different Robin. Planning to get my first
dog from one of the rescue organizations. I've
seen your name there. I haven't posted there
much, but when I do, it's under the name "Robin".


From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: choices.
Newsgroups: alt.support.dissociation
Date: 2004-05-12 15:26:35 PST

something new happened this week. or maybe
not new, but newly noticed. had a f*ght with SO.

and felt bad, at fault, responsible for causing him
to be mad with me. the usually negative stuff. and
i thought, i should let this go. it's not my fault, i'm
not bad, it's just a little thing, not important (this is
the "new" me, things i learned from it, from meditation,
from growing up...).

and then i decided that no, i wanted to slip. i wanted
to screw up and be bad. i wanted, no, needed to be
bad. to be responsible. to be at fault for everything.
i needed to feel helpless, hopeless, pointless.

i ached to feel that black ball of pain taking over my
heart again. it's been so long. i wanted to be
destructive, to me and everything around me.

i took lots of klonopin, lots of soma, drank much
wine. slept on the couch, couldn't be near SO,
couldn't think of the good things in my life.

needed to keep this badness around me.

woke up, had a test to take, so took test and passed,
but still felt icky, wanted to go home and take more
klonopin. but decided instead to have lunch with a
friend. because i didn't want to feel bad anymore.
didn't want to e responsible for bad feelings. didn't
want to make myself hurt more.

so went to lunch and did some breathing and felt
better. and now feel back to normal, everything is
fine, life is happy and good and my mood is wonderful.

but i keep thinking about that moment of choice.
i *knew* i was choosing to feel bad. i could have
stopped it. i could have been smart and banish the
negative thoughts. but i didn't want to.

this is new for me, being healthy, happy, not blaming
me for everything that goes bad. and sometimes i feel like i
don't know how to be healthy. i don't know how to
be "sane". and it would be so much easier to just slip
back into destructive habits. to be bad me again.

i'm scared that i'll make that choice again. but not
choose to come back to my "good" life. i'm scared
i'll stay bad me. why did i need to be bad so much?

i think this has to do with m*thr's day. stupid stupid day.

*sigh*

-kelly

--
did we expect that life was ever fair, my god...
i sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod

From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: quotes for this time tomorrow
Newsgroups: alt.support.dissociation
Date: 2004-05-12 15:10:40 PST
"Eridanus" <kalasin@olsonnetwork.com> wrote in message news:1gdj6hk.1jj4jhu19tneuoN%kalasin@olsonnetwork. com...


be careful, it's about an ab*sive m*thr. please
don't watch it if that's difficult for you.

i didn't know how movies like that affected me
before, cuz i had my em*tions so squashed
down inside, and didn't notice at the time.

now i get very uncomfortable when i watch
things like that. and i'm supposed to be "better".

hmph.

-kelly
--
did we expect that life was ever fair, my god...
i sowed a field of rose and reaped a whipping rod
-toad the wet sprocket

From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: Electric brain quake effect?
Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.medication
Date: 2004-05-12 14:43:44 PST
"Drew" <nospm@nowhere.com> wrote in message news:Xns94E433E19DF6Enospmnowherecom@216.196.97.13 1...

withdrawal tends to be worse for people who
have only taken it a short while. yes, that's
weird, but it seems to be true.

if you only took it for eight weeks, you have no
way of knowing whether it would work or not.

you need to give it at least a month before you
can tell if it's working.

either way, good luck...

-kelly

From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: Switching Medication
Newsgroups: alt.support.ocd
Date: 2004-05-07 16:29:24 PST Blank
"joanna.lacey" <joanna.lacey@insightbb.com> wrote in message
news:c6Tmc.626$z06.263730@attbi_s01...
Hi guys,

I'm in the process of switching from zoloft to effexor.
My med level is low and my depression and wandering
thoughts are high.

I don't like it.

I don't want to freak out in the store again,
you know what I mean?

What is the highest dose for Effexor. I'm down
to 50mg. of zoloft until it is 0 and at 75mg of effexor.

I'm sure it can go higher right?

The only good thing is I'm more horny than
I was before. I've been sweating like crazy
and my contamination, perfection ocd is
bugging me badly.


---------------

i'm taking 150 of Effexor, and when i switched
from paxil, i just quit the paxil and started at 75
of effexor, then upped it to 150 in two weeks.

the Effexor is my miracle drug, it really changed
my life. i hope it works well for you...

-kelly

From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: benzos and birth control
Newsgroups: alt.support.anxiety-panic
Date: 2004-05-05 22:24:01 PST

i was on depo and klonopin at the same time
and didn't have any problems with it. the
package insert for depo doesn't say anything
about interactions with benzos. it does, however,
say it's contraindicated in anyone with a history of
depression.

good luck...

-kelly

Search Result 70
From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: wellbutrin--what to expect?
Newsgroups: alt.support.depression.medication
Date: 2004-04-29 19:45:31 PST
"LostBoyinNC" <deepsand562@aol.com****this> wrote in message news:20040429223257.12062.00000612@mb-m02.aol.com...

weird, it made me twitch.


this makes no sense to me, as there's a warning
right on the label that it can induce manic states,
and should be used with caution in bipolar patients.

-kelly

From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: obsessed


View this article only
Newsgroups: alt.support.ocd
Date: 2004-04-30 20:39:01 PST

i talked with my SO about four hours ago.
he said he might drop in to my office on
his way home. that's the last i heard from him.
and now, i can't stop calling his cell phone.

he's not answering and i know he'll see the
billion calls from my number and be mad at
me, but i can't stop calling him.

what if something horrible happened to him?
where is he? what if he got into an accident
and is in the hospital? just can't stop calling him.

*sigh*

he's probably out playing cards with the guys, talking about how
"controlling" i am., because i keep calling.

but all i can think of is what if there's something wrong,
i have to call him.

i hate this crap.

-kelly

Message 2 in thread
From: metta (kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com)
Subject: Re: obsessed
Newsgroups: alt.support.ocd
Date: 2004-04-30 20:44:43 PST

"metta" <kelly_marsops_NoSpam@msn.com> wrote in message
news:c6v64j$gnef2$1@ID-58739.news.uni-berlin.de...

of course, the second i post this, he calls me back.
his cell was on silent.

*sigh*

now if i can just get all this adrenaline out of my bloodstream...

-kelly