19th June 08:05
OT -- To My Dearest Husband; (tongue)
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10
The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
1 Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 23 times
2 Did not come home at all 36 times
3 Did not come 21 times
4 Came too soon 38 times
5 Went soft before you got it in 19 times
6 Cramps in your leg 16 times
7 Working too late 33 times
8 You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat 29 times
9 Caught yourself in your zipper 15 times
10 You had a cold and your nose kept running 21 times
11 You had burned your tongue on hot coffee 9 times
12 You had a splinter in your finger 11 times
13 You lost the notion after thinking about it 42 times
14 Came in your pj's after reading a dirty book 16 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always
satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded
me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry
up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I
was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you
started thrashing around and breathing heavy.
Let's try to improve this, shall we?
The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out,
it's just a tired feeling.