zombywoof

During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10
days.

The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:


1 Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 23 times
2 Did not come home at all 36 times
3 Did not come 21 times
4 Came too soon 38 times
5 Went soft before you got it in 19 times
6 Cramps in your leg 16 times
7 Working too late 33 times
8 You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat 29 times
9 Caught yourself in your zipper 15 times
10 You had a cold and your nose kept running 21 times
11 You had burned your tongue on hot coffee 9 times
12 You had a splinter in your finger 11 times
13 You lost the notion after thinking about it 42 times
14 Came in your pj's after reading a dirty book 16 times


Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always
satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded
me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry
up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I
was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you
started thrashing around and breathing heavy.
Let's try to improve this, shall we?


--

ZombyWoof

The wages of sin are death, but after taxes are taken out,
it's just a tired feeling.