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1 6th May 19:23
crafti1
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (down)


I brought in the mail yesterday evening and we had 3 or so Christmas
cards family had sent,so these were good and safe to give to Mom. Not
like her getting ahold of a bill that's come and then that bill
disappearing to somewhere? So last night I go to get some ice out of the
fridge and there are 3 Christmas cards on top of the ice cube trays. LoL
I just left them there as they aren't hurting anything and I know
exactly where they are. :-)

This morning Mom woke up ahead of me and usually that is not a problem.
So I get up and head to the bathroom and there is Mom and she is about
to empty her potty chair pail into the washing machine! LoL Well,I laugh
now;but it didn't seem quite so funny right as it was about to happen!
LoL But all is well as the potty chair pail got emptied down the
commode. Gotta watch that better as I'm sure that pail could of been
emptied some before I went to bed last night.

Since we live in the country,I take off our trash or burn it out back in
a barrel. That includes burning or taking off Depends. That's much
better than when Mom throws one of those down the commode and tries to
flush it. I keep telling her that's a no-no and maybe that has helped?
Had to take up the commode twice in late fall to unstop a blockage and
both times it was Depends. That was no fun. Must remember to get a
couple of extra commode seals when I go shopping at Wal Mart. :-)

I'm glad Mom's doctor prescribed her a tranquilizer a few months back.
Lorazepam 1mg. Said I could give her up to 3, 1/2 tablets per day as
needed. Mostly I just give her 1/2 a tablet in the morning. That helps
keep her calmed down. Sometimes I give her another 1/2 tablet in the
evening if she is really,really nervous and up and running about and
packing things up to go home. Well,she thinks she's going home and
sometimes I can convince her we are already home. Sometimes I can't and
I see it's just best to shut up. :-) If it's too bad I give her that 1/2
tranquilizer tablet so she will calm down,lay down and take a nap. The
upshot is sometimes she does that and I know that tranquilizer has not
had time to kick in! So I think I didn't really need to give it too her.
But it does kick in eventurally and she get a good long nap. That's
better than her wearing herself out packing boxes and this and that
thinking she is getting ready to go home.

When the doctor first prescribed Mom that tranquilizer,I was tempted to
try them myself. Just a half a tablet now and then when things were
really bad-upsetting;but I didn't and don't think I will? Have not been
tempted to take one lately. I think that's because I know I can give Mom
her 1/2 tablet and things will calm down. They may take a couple of
hours to kick in;but still I know that sooner or later it will.

Here it is about noon and I need to cook something in a little while.
Mom has gone to sleep for awhile. Think I may just cook some chicken
thighs in the microwave,make some instant mashed potatoes and maybe open
a can of greens or mixed vegetables?

Not too much later on I need to go to town and pick up a few things. The
good part is Mom can stay by herself for the 2 or so hours that takes.

Will be good to talk to some of you folks in here:-) and as you can see
I am quite a talker at times! LoL I call this part of my therapy. :-) I
have been online in various discussion groups for 5 years now;but this
is the first time I've posted in an Alzheimer's group that I remember.
[Maybe I found this place before months and months ago or maybe even
longer? Can't remember for sure;but the group I found then just wasn't
moving-didn't really see any one posting in it,so I went back to other
online ngs that were on different things. Glad I came back over here
yesterday. :-) The other discussion groups can be and are nice at times
and I can get good out of them;but I really need a discussion group like
this too.]

Have I talked too much yet? :-)

C.
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2 17th May 10:08
lee
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-)


no worries here about the length of the post...I tend to go on (and on)

Sounds like your Mom is at a stage pretty close to my MIL... we're still
leaving her alone for short periods too ...although we're working on ways to
not HAVE to do that as much any more... her judgement just is so poor
sometimes ..... it scares me

haven't had to deal with Depends yet... she's not going to go along with
that well... we are, however, having some pretty icky toileting issues...
taking her out is a real treat anymore... like taking a just trained kidlet
out.... know where the washrooms are and make sure you're never too far from
one cuz when she's gotta go, she's gotta GO.... the bigger issue, though, is
that she starts out ok, but then she gets up and ~goes~.... in more ways
than one She's not real receptive to help.... likes to think she can
manage just fine... I'm getting a ~tad~ tired of cleaning up though. And
until yesterday, I was the only one who'd had the dubious ~pleasure~ ....
made a mess when my sister in law took her out the other night. Not
good...I'm afraid that that will soon spell the end of the 2 nights a week
out.... one of which is MY night to clean the nasties out of her room and so
on .... and t'other is one I work and it's NICE not to have to worry about
her while I'm gone.

Going to be rather a shock to some people if/when I end up in hospital again
....don't think they realize just how much ~guidance~ she really needs

Anyway... first meeting with CCAC case worker tomorrow.... neither my MIL or
I liked the intake worker that we had to deal with first, but case worker
seemed ok on the phone when she called (irked my partner by calling here
instead of work as they were asked - and worse yet, calling before 9 a.m. -
MAJOR no no) .... hopefully 't'will go well .... although knowing her
she'll put her best foot forward and convince them that we don't need
respite care .... I'm hoping that they're used to that. Haven't told her
about it yet ...she's fussed enough over the holidays and one of my kids
being up for a visit and so on ... will tell her in the morning and limit
the length of time we have to discus it.
"Crafty 1" <crafti1@webtv.net> wrote in message news:21565-3FE1E7A2-222@storefull-2277.public.lawson.webtv.net...
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3 17th May 10:08
gwen love
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (down)


Lee, why tell her at all? Just let the caseworker come and take it from
there.
Gwen


================================================== =================
Train up a child in the way he should go, but make sure you go that way
yourself.
================================================== =================


| no worries here about the length of the post...I tend to go on (and on)
| myself at times... though haven't done that here yet.... well, have
WRITTEN
| long ones... just hit delete instead of send - regularly
|
| Sounds like your Mom is at a stage pretty close to my MIL... we're still
| leaving her alone for short periods too ...although we're working on ways
to
| not HAVE to do that as much any more... her judgement just is so poor
| sometimes ..... it scares me
|
| haven't had to deal with Depends yet... she's not going to go along with
| that well... we are, however, having some pretty icky toileting issues...
| taking her out is a real treat anymore... like taking a just trained
kidlet
| out.... know where the washrooms are and make sure you're never too far
from
| one cuz when she's gotta go, she's gotta GO.... the bigger issue, though,
is
| that she starts out ok, but then she gets up and ~goes~.... in more ways
| than one She's not real receptive to help.... likes to think she
can
| manage just fine... I'm getting a ~tad~ tired of cleaning up though.
And
| until yesterday, I was the only one who'd had the dubious ~pleasure~ ....
| made a mess when my sister in law took her out the other night. Not
| good...I'm afraid that that will soon spell the end of the 2 nights a
week
| out.... one of which is MY night to clean the nasties out of her room and
so
| on .... and t'other is one I work and it's NICE not to have to worry
about
| her while I'm gone.
|
| Going to be rather a shock to some people if/when I end up in hospital
again
| ...don't think they realize just how much ~guidance~ she really needs
|
| Anyway... first meeting with CCAC case worker tomorrow.... neither my MIL
or
| I liked the intake worker that we had to deal with first, but case worker
| seemed ok on the phone when she called (irked my partner by calling here
| instead of work as they were asked - and worse yet, calling before 9
a.m. -
| MAJOR no no) .... hopefully 't'will go well .... although knowing her
| she'll put her best foot forward and convince them that we don't need
| respite care .... I'm hoping that they're used to that. Haven't told her
| about it yet ...she's fussed enough over the holidays and one of my kids
| being up for a visit and so on ... will tell her in the morning and
limit
| the length of time we have to discus it. | |
| "Crafty 1" <crafti1@webtv.net> wrote in message | news:21565-3FE1E7A2-222@storefull-2277.public.lawson.webtv.net...
| > I brought in the mail yesterday evening and we had 3 or so Christmas
| > cards family had sent,so these were good and safe to give to Mom. Not
| > like her getting ahold of a bill that's come and then that bill
| > disappearing to somewhere? So last night I go to get some ice out of the
| > fridge and there are 3 Christmas cards on top of the ice cube trays. LoL
| > I just left them there as they aren't hurting anything and I know
| > exactly where they are. :-)
| >
| > This morning Mom woke up ahead of me and usually that is not a problem.
| > So I get up and head to the bathroom and there is Mom and she is about
| > to empty her potty chair pail into the washing machine! LoL Well,I laugh
| > now;but it didn't seem quite so funny right as it was about to happen!
| > LoL But all is well as the potty chair pail got emptied down the
| > commode. Gotta watch that better as I'm sure that pail could of been
| > emptied some before I went to bed last night.
| >
| > Since we live in the country,I take off our trash or burn it out back in
| > a barrel. That includes burning or taking off Depends. That's much
| > better than when Mom throws one of those down the commode and tries to
| > flush it. I keep telling her that's a no-no and maybe that has helped?
| > Had to take up the commode twice in late fall to unstop a blockage and
| > both times it was Depends. That was no fun. Must remember to get a
| > couple of extra commode seals when I go shopping at Wal Mart. :-)
| >
| > I'm glad Mom's doctor prescribed her a tranquilizer a few months back.
| > Lorazepam 1mg. Said I could give her up to 3, 1/2 tablets per day as
| > needed. Mostly I just give her 1/2 a tablet in the morning. That helps
| > keep her calmed down. Sometimes I give her another 1/2 tablet in the
| > evening if she is really,really nervous and up and running about and
| > packing things up to go home. Well,she thinks she's going home and
| > sometimes I can convince her we are already home. Sometimes I can't and
| > I see it's just best to shut up. :-) If it's too bad I give her that 1/2
| > tranquilizer tablet so she will calm down,lay down and take a nap. The
| > upshot is sometimes she does that and I know that tranquilizer has not
| > had time to kick in! So I think I didn't really need to give it too her.
| > But it does kick in eventurally and she get a good long nap. That's
| > better than her wearing herself out packing boxes and this and that
| > thinking she is getting ready to go home.
| >
| > When the doctor first prescribed Mom that tranquilizer,I was tempted to
| > try them myself. Just a half a tablet now and then when things were
| > really bad-upsetting;but I didn't and don't think I will? Have not been
| > tempted to take one lately. I think that's because I know I can give Mom
| > her 1/2 tablet and things will calm down. They may take a couple of
| > hours to kick in;but still I know that sooner or later it will.
| >
| > Here it is about noon and I need to cook something in a little while.
| > Mom has gone to sleep for awhile. Think I may just cook some chicken
| > thighs in the microwave,make some instant mashed potatoes and maybe open
| > a can of greens or mixed vegetables?
| >
| > Not too much later on I need to go to town and pick up a few things. The
| > good part is Mom can stay by herself for the 2 or so hours that takes.
| >
| > Will be good to talk to some of you folks in here:-) and as you can see
| > I am quite a talker at times! LoL I call this part of my therapy. :-) I
| > have been online in various discussion groups for 5 years now;but this
| > is the first time I've posted in an Alzheimer's group that I remember.
| > [Maybe I found this place before months and months ago or maybe even
| > longer? Can't remember for sure;but the group I found then just wasn't
| > moving-didn't really see any one posting in it,so I went back to other
| > online ngs that were on different things. Glad I came back over here
| > yesterday. :-) The other discussion groups can be and are nice at times
| > and I can get good out of them;but I really need a discussion group like
| > this too.]
| >
| > Have I talked too much yet? :-)
| >
| > C.
| >
| >
|
|
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4 17th May 10:08
lee
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-)


kind of hard to cover that something's up when we'll both be hanging round
here rather than at the store where she'd expect us to be.... any change in
routines is sure to be noticed
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5 17th May 10:09
crafti1
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (down pound)


Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Thu, Dec 18, 2003, 8:49pm (CST+1)
From: batrynl@sympatico.ca (Lee)
no worries here about the length of the post...I tend to go on (and on)
myself at times... though haven't done that here yet.... well, have

Thank you. :-)

I don't think I've ever deleted a long post though that I've made in any
group. :-) I figure I put too much hard work into those,so I post them
no matter what! LoL
C.

Sounds like your Mom is at a stage pretty close to my MIL... we're still
leaving her alone for short periods too ...although we're working on
ways to not HAVE to do that as much any more... her judgement just is so
poor sometimes ..... it scares me
Lee

I've had it good so far as Mom has only walked off from home once while
I was gone to town grocery shopping, That was this past summer when she
walked down our old driveway to a neighbor's that she has known for
years. Of course,I got scared when I got home and she wasn't around.
Went all through and around the house. Then looked down our country
road. After about the 2nd trip around the house I spotted her down
toward the neighbors,about a 100 yards off. I went to meet her. The
scary part was she was coming back up the side of the main road instead
of up the old driveway and many people drive very fast on that road.
But,so far as I know,that is the only time she has gone out of the house
while I was grocery shopping and at the time I didn't think she would
them because she was scarey and so sure there were some people outside
our house that she didn't know,etc.

Then there was the day I went grocery shopping so early-left about 7:15
am. Later my next oldest sister told me she had come by not long after
that and I suppose before she went to work and she said Mom was
very,very agitated and upset-not knowing where I was and all. So Sis
says I should only go shopping on the days her and my other older sister
are off work,so they can stay with her. So I was to go by their
schedule. :-) Then she must have talked to our older sister and they
came up with another idea of a home health care worker coming by to
watch Mom while I did the shopping. (Not really a bad idea if it's
someone I know and trust.) So far though I just go on to town and leave
Mom for about the 2 hours that takes. I just make sure she has had her
tranquilizer and that it has had time to take good effect.

This evening Mom and I talked. Found out she knew I had gone
somewhere;but she just couldn't remember where. But she was calm when I
got home and calm when I talked to her later about it all. And we both
were very happy that I found a ham on sale for .88 cents a pound! LoL
C.


haven't had to deal with Depends yet... she's not going to go along with
that well... we are, however, having some pretty icky toileting
issues... taking her out is a real treat anymore... like taking a just
trained kidlet out.... know where the washrooms are and make sure you're
never too far from one cuz when she's gotta go, she's gotta GO.... the
bigger issue, though, is that she starts out ok, but then she gets up
and ~goes~.... in more ways than one * * She's not real receptive
to help.... likes to think she can manage just fine... I'm getting a
~tad~ tired of cleaning up though. And until yesterday, I was the only
one who'd had the dubious ~pleasure~ .... made a mess when my sister in
law took her out the other night. Not good...I'm afraid that that will
soon spell the end of the 2 nights a week out.... one of which is MY
night to clean the nasties out of her room and so on .... and t'other is
one I work and it's NICE not to have to worry about her while I'm gone.
Going to be rather a shock to some people if/when I end up in hospital
again ...don't think they realize just how much ~guidance~ she really
needs
Lee

Sorry to hear you have to go through all of that.:-( As you say;it will
be a shock to some people it they have to take on more fulltime care of
your MIL.
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6 17th May 10:09
lee
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (withdrawal)


I'd be uncomfortable if any of the girls were to stumble across this
newsgroup, read my posts, whatever.... that's actually partly why I quit
participating in an online forum ...didn't feel I COULD post anything real
there, as it was far more possible, if not likely, that one of them would...
don't think any of them are advanced enough internet users that they're
likely to hit a newsgroup anytime soon though.

we have one lady that comes in now... hired her to do some house cleaning
and so on .... deliberately hired a woman who is actually a PSW but willing
to do cleaning as well... hoping that D would be more accepting of
increasing her assistance as time went on .... she has no objections to
cleaning ladies - it's just that she doesn't think she needs any help with
anything else... and when she DOES admit to needing any help at all, well,
I'm just so good at helping her and so patient and so on .... ****ing up
.... it's been increasing of late...

Found it interesting that you're a guy doing the primary care with the
sister's coming in ...was the same situation here until my partner and I
met.... he's been doing the caregiving thing for a long time... with his
sisters' ~support~ .... which includes, altogether too often, offering their
opinion of how everything should be handled.... very little practical
help, although - and less, I suspect shortly, now that taking her out
involves cleaning up nasty stuff.

Think it's interesting, you talking about doing what needs to be done...I've
been telling my partner that he'll likely surprise himself when the time
comes - he's not looking forward to any of it... doesn't think he can do
it... but he's coped so far.... pretty sure he will continue to. If I do
need surgery, hopefully we'll have time to plan and get someone in for her,
but if not, he'll manage ...he'll have to.

anyway ... my kid is here visiting and she's DYING to get at the
computer...claims she's going to go into withdrawal... so I'll shut up for
now and go make breakfast
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7 17th May 10:09
crafti1
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (down job withdrawal)


Group: alt.support.alzheimers Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2003, 9:34am (CST+1)
From: batrynl@sympatico.ca (Lee)


Lee:

The trouble with me is I can still be so unsure of my own ideas and
solutions many times. So I know at times I bounce such things off of
people in hopes of getting a,that's a good idea or thing to do and at
the sametimeI hope that I wan't get a well that's just stupid. And yet I
do this when I know I already have a good idea or a reasonable solution
to a problem. I was mired down in not thinking for myself for years and
in being a perfectionist in all I did. I didn't like things being just
good enough,they had to be perfect. :-) I smile now;but it was no fun
living that way. And these are not things I got from my Mom or Dad;but
from another source that was very important in my growing up years.
C.

other times, I delete because I'd be uncomfortable if any of the girls
were to stumble across this newsgroup, read my posts, whatever....
that's actually partly why I quit participating in an online forum
...didn't feel I COULD post anything real there, as it was far more
possible, if not likely, that one of them would... don't think any of
them are advanced enough internet users that they're likely to hit a
newsgroup anytime soon though.
Lee

Can you put a password that only you know on the addy you use here? If
you can then your daughters can not get into it unless they somehow find
out that password.

I would be much less open too if I knew I couldn't keep a lock/password
on my MSN/WebTV addies;but I can,so I have one password for my main
email address and then other passwords for my other 5 email addies.

Of course,it's just me and Mom here;but there have been times a nephew
or such would come over and want to play games and such on Uncle's
WebTV. :-) So when that happened I would log them online myself and not
show them my password for that addy or for any addy. And on my main
addy I kept,with my whole name and all on it,I kept nothing I would
mind them seeing or getting into.

I have considered that some of my family,on their own computers,could
log onto a discussion group I post in and in other places I do post with
my real first name,so it really wouldn't be hard for them to read some
posts and figure out that it was brother or such posting. I thought of
that and simply dismissed it as unlikely and even if they did-well,I
just decided not to worry about that.

You see,these online discussion groups are where I can really be
real-really be me in all ways. In many ways I can't do that offline in
my everyday life,so these discussion groups have really been a blessing
to me. And it took me sometime to really get this;but I did finally get
that if someone online in a discussion group didn't like me,then that
was their problem and their loss! LoL So mostly and most of the time I
can just be myself in these groups. And I'm simply not willing to give
that up on the very off chance that some of my family might come into
some of the discussion groups I post in and recognize me there.
C.

we have one lady that comes in now... hired her to do some house
cleaning and so on .... deliberately hired a woman who is actually a PSW
but willing to do cleaning as well...
Lee

Have to ask you what PSW stands for as I have no idea on that? :-) But
good to hear that she is willing to do some house cleaning. :-)

I have two bedrooms-one I just started using again last summer. Had to
do a lot of cleaning in that room as we had been using it for years as a
storage/junk room. :-) Got all the junk cleaned out,old carpet up and
out and repaired the floor where that was needed and I've been sleeping
in there every since then. Now I need to clean it again and throw out
and burn some junk! LoL Well,the room is messy; :-) but it's not dirty
or filthy! LoL But both of my two older sisters get somewhat upset at
messy,especially the next oldest one! LoL [And I really have to clean up
such like that myself,as a cleaning lady wouldn't always know what to
keep and what to throw in the trash. Or worse yet,she might throw
somethings out that I want to keep! Horrors!] LoL
C.

hoping that D would be more accepting of increasing her assistance as
time went on .... she has no objections to cleaning ladies - it's just
that she doesn't think she needs any help with anything else... and when
she DOES admit to needing any help at all, well, I'm just so good at
helping her and so patient and so on .... ****ing up ... it's been
increasing of late...

Oh,I think I can see a big part of your problem here. :-( Not that you
don't need to be patient;but it's much easier for D to work on a family
member. Not so easy to work somethings on a non-relative stranger that
comes in to clean. You have to be nicer to them too! LoL Too,such a
person can know when their job is ended,they can go home and have no
more responsibilites to the the one they do work for,until it's the next
cleaning day. Such people are fine and some are very nice;but they just
don't have the full family investment in things like a daugher-in-law
and such.
C.

Found it interesting that you're a guy doing the primary care with the
sister's coming in ...was the same situation here until my partner and I
met.... he's been doing the caregiving thing for a long time... with his
sisters' ~support~ .... which includes, altogether too often, offering
their opinion of how everything should be handled.... * very little
practical help, although - and less, I suspect shortly, now that taking
her out involves cleaning up nasty stuff.
Lee

Ah yes,some people can give all sorts of good advice at times; :-) but
not so much practical help at times. I do have to say though that for
several Sundays lately my sisters did come over and helped clean house
some. OK,I was glad they did after the fact. LoL But sometimes when I
saw them coming,I thought oh no! LoL
And one sister made her poor husband come. He's a really nice guy and
did help me clean up the backyard some;but all in all I know he had of
rather been home with his feet up and watching a football game or just
taking a nap or reading the paper on his Sundays off. I just don't like
the idea of him being pressured to help when I know good and well he
rather be doing something else.

Oh well,if I don't want my sisters over to help clean,then I must get
busy on more housecleaning myself before Christmas. :-)
C.

Think it's interesting, you talking about doing what needs to be
done...I've been telling my partner that he'll likely surprise himself
when the time comes - he's not looking forward to any of it... doesn't
think he can do it... but he's coped so far.... pretty sure he will
continue to. If I do need surgery, hopefully we'll have time to plan and
get someone in for her, but if not, he'll manage ...he'll have to.

Oh,I have no doubts that he could manage given what you're said here. He
just doesn't like the idea of doing it all on his own or maybe some new
stuff he didn't have to do before? That I can understand. But like or
not,we do what we have to do and that's just the end of it!LoL

Now don't get me wrong,I don't mind helping Mom where she needs help;I
mostly just get upset at some of that "practical" advice and ideas
coming from others who aren't here 24/7/365. And yes,I can be hardheaded
and stubborn and want to do a lot my way! :-) And not be told so much as
to how I should do it and or that I have to do somethings the way
someone else says. LoL [My oldest sister is not as blunt as my next
older sister. So that's better even when I know she is "working" on me
to get this or that done that she wants done!] LoL
C.

anyway ... my kid is here visiting and she's DYING to get at the
computer...claims she's going to go into withdrawal... so I'll shut up
for now and go make breakfast
Lee

Tell her she wan't die if she doesn't get to get on the computer when
she wants :-) and or that she can find the milk and cereal in the
kitchen thank you,while Mom is on the computer! LoL Oh,I'm a horrible
thing since I don't have to share my MSNWebTV unit with anyone! LoL

See you later. :-)
C.
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8 17th May 10:09
dpharris
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-)


On Fri, 19 Dec 2003 03:38:03 -0600 (CST) in


first of all, by now you should *always* accompany her into the
exam room, because they only hear what they want to hear from
docs.

talk to the doc, and have him put all instructions IN WRITING,
preferably on a prescription pad, and have him hand another copy
to you. that way, when she argues about the doc's orders, you
just show her the prescription and point out clearly what he
said!
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9 17th May 10:09
hgoldste
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Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-)


: preferably on a prescription pad, and have him hand another copy
: to you. that way, when she argues about the doc's orders, you
: just show her the prescription and point out clearly what he
: said!
I know it's gauche to weigh in with a <aol>me too</aol> but I'll do so
this once (this week...) to mention that if Crafty1 has one of the few
really, really good physicians and it's clear to the Dr. what's needed
it might get offered without even being asked. Actually had this
happen and the "prescription" sits over in the draw my LO's new house
around the corner, sucessfully used. But be sure to ask if it isn't
offerred.
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10 17th May 10:10
lee
External User
 
Posts: 1
Default Ice Cold Christmas Cards :-) (stress anxiety heart job)


Could password protect, but that's not the issue... tis the other you
mentioned...i.e. that family members - in this case her daughters or their

would be different if it were MY mom...I'm just the girlfriend/significant
other/common law wife - whatever you want to call it... it's kind of a weird
place to be sometimes... we've been together less than 2 years... I'm the
late-comer to the whole thing... but I live here..AND I've worked with
people for years and years and years... was a social services worker in my
previous life... and I tend to be better at dealing with what needs to be
done... so I do it... as her needs have increased, I've taken on a lot of
the caregiving... but I AM 'just the g/f' ... my SO and his sisters are the
ones with the decision making ability - and ultimately - the responsibility
for her. Sometimes I walk a very fine line... fortunately, for the most
part, they appreciate what I do, and when it comes to making decisions,
taking action, they DO value my input... but still... she's not my mom ...

I try not to do things that will cause tension in the family .... I DO risk
it when there are reasons - ma's health & safety being foremost... but we
don't sweat the small stuff. Anyway ...getting back to the point - when I
post messages - or THINK about posting them - I often think things like
"what if one of them were to come across it" and am uncomfortable.
Fortunately, this particular forum feels safer


You see,these online discussion groups are where I can really be
real-really be me in all ways. In many ways I can't do that offline in
my everyday life,so these discussion groups have really been a blessing
to me. And it took me sometime to really get this;but I did finally get
that if someone online in a discussion group didn't like me,then that
was their problem and their loss! LoL So mostly and most of the time I
can just be myself in these groups. And I'm simply not willing to give
that up on the very off chance that some of my family might come into
some of the discussion groups I post in and recognize me there.
C.

I used to have a bunch of places online where I felt the same way ....
less so now I guess - partly because I'm just not as involved anyplace
anymore - don't spend nearly as much time online as I used to ....

Have to ask you what PSW stands for as I have no idea on that? :-) But
good to hear that she is willing to do some house cleaning. :-)

PSW = personal support worker .... trained to do home care, basically
..... she's excellent ... unfortunately doesn't work for an agency though ...
so can't get HER specifically covered for the increased hours CCAC
(Community Care Access Center - I'm in Ontario) will fund. We'll keep her on
for the cleaning though, at least until I get healthy. Originally started
getting help with the cleaning because it was hurting D's feelings when my
SO or I did stuff that she thought she'd just done, etc... in her mind, she
does all the cleaning for us, and does a damn fine job of it LOL (You
should see the dishes in our cupboards - she ~washes~ them every day .....
we let her - but then we wash whatever we need before we use it) Anyway -
having someone come in "to do the heavy cleaning" worked...and then I got
sick, so even though she'd likely care less these days about us doing it, I
just can't....well, I could take it on, but that would mean giving other
things up - and I need to work more than I need to clean house LOL Until
my heart smartens up, there is a very limited store of energy - one has to
prioritize. : (

Anyway ... karen is great...and she's local, which means if I'm stuck, can
call her and she'll stop by and check on ma or whatever.

Did have the meeting with the caseworker yesterday - was amazed at how well
it went.... even though a bunch of company dropped in in the middle of
it.... I was worried that ma would take offense at some of the questions -
and more specifically, at some of MY answers to them ... but she was very
honest herself and it did go extremely well... AND I was also worried that
they wouldn't think that she was "bad enough" yet to qualify for help from
them ... not an issue... we've got up to 14 hours/week of home care that we
can use, as well as a referral for an OT to come in for an assessment, which
I think is a good idea even though I didn't think of it LOL

I have been SO worried about leaving her alone for the amount of time we
have been when I work - people are not far away, but ma wouldn't know when
she needed to call for one of them to come ....she calls for what we see as
minor stuff - usually that the TV isn't working right (she can't find GSN
LOL) ... but when the power's out, she'll sit here in the dark for 8 hours
.... or worse yet, muck about with the breakers, etc .... still thinks she
can FIX things... so far that's meant breaking a clock, the stove, etc...
LOL She does try hard. Anyway ... tis a relief to have the caseworker
agree with me that she shouldn't be left alone for such long periods, AND to
provide the means to change it. Was glad we invited the one daughter that
lives locally to join us too - was a good thing, I think.

As expected, the whole thing did cause ma some stress - she liked the lady
(why did she come here, though?) ... but she was worried that the whole
thing could mean we were packing her off to a nursing home. Nipped that
in the bud quickly though - took her out shopping (I'M ALL DONE MY SHOPPING
AND IT'S NOT EVEN CHRISTMAS EVE YET WOO HOO!!! LOL) and for a snack,
and went over and over it until she (for now at least) GOT that the reason
we're getting help is so that we can keep her at home ....will keep
reviewing it with her ... but she's calm and happy and ....did I mention it
went really well? LOL

Taking her out shopping right after was a good strategy .... she enjoys
going out with me... and it distracted her from mulling the whole thing over
and building up anxiety over it, and gave me the opportunity to kind of
~plant~ the way I wanted her to think about it... LOL It amuses me that
people say things like "you must be so patient" "such a good person"
and that sort of thing... yeah right... I manipulate very well...THAT's why
I'm 'good' at this caregiving stuff
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