jamie dolan

HI, and thanks for taking the time to read this:

Since I was a ealry ****, I have had problems with Social Interaction (some
Asbergers symptoms), Disgraphis, Fine motor skill problems, Anixeity, and
Depression (Susidal thoughts). I sought very little professional help untll
this year. I had tried Ritilin on the basis that I might be ADHD. Didn't
work. This year, here is what happened:

Nov 02 -Jan 03 -- Because Severly Depressed (Susidial Plans)
Feb 03 - Saw my PCP, got some .25 Xanax
It didnt really help that much at a .25 dose
March 03 - Saw my PCP, got some Celexa, Started seeing a therpist, (About
10 times)
Late March 03- Saw my PCP, I didnt like Celexa, poor sleeping, Got some
Trazadone
Early April 03- Saw my PCP, Switched to Wellbutrin sr with Trazadone PRN
April - June 03- Saw a Pchyolohist about 6 times. (He could not come up with
any real answers, he basically told me that It was all in my head, no
shit,,,,but he really didnt think there was anything serioussly wrong with
me,,,,dumb ****, cant he see I am sufering)
May 03- Felt decent about the depression, but I still had big mood swings
(Sever Anger)
May 03- Under went 3 Sureries, MRI Xrays, Blood work etc. - No physical
problems found other than my high cholestral (And a Fatty liver disorder),
which I am taking welchol for, and my allgeries, which I take Flonase and
Clarinex for. I also take Lopermide, Rantidine, Smithcone, for IBS.
Early June -- Still had extreme mood swings, Tried Risperdal .5mg for about
a week, I got Migranes.
Mid June - Tried Risperdal for 1 more week, .5, then I stoped it again
because I was grogy in the day, ran a couple red lights and stop signs, and
I got super super scared of people.
A little over a week ago- I stoped taking the Risperdal, since then, (Still
taking the Wellbutrin), I can not get a good nights sleep, I am always tired
and frustrated. I tried to go out to a bar with a couple friends, I got in
the front door, then I had to leave right away because I though the people
were going toget me or something, then I came one, and took 2.0 mg Xanax &
150mg trasazone, It took me about a half hour to calm down, but then I slept
well for the nexxt 12 hours. Today I fell like I barley slept at all. I am
very tired, and I have almost no engery, plus since I stoped the Risperdal,
I have been getting Migranes like every day or two, I have to take About
1000mg ibprophen to calm it down a little, one night I had one 30mg Condine
left, I took it, but it didnt really help, so a few house later, I look
about a 1000mg ibpropehn, .5 xanax, 150 trazadone, and went to bed. Headach
is back the next day. Ibprophen, Ibprophen and more ibproblem, about 600 to
1000mg evey 4 hours to be able to function.
For about 3 weeks now, I have had about 3-5 times where I have felt very
susidial (Almost always in the evening), so what I do is take a couple MG of
xanax and go to sleep and it is better when I wake up 10 hours later.

I want to be "fixed" or atlease under controal so badely, but I dont know
what to do. Now I have these ****ing headaches to deal with on top of
everything else. So what do I do????

I am going to see a brand new Phycirist on Thursday. I have no idea what he
is going to saw, but I am kind of scare to ge becuase he is a new person,
and I hav to drive there, and I am kind of scared of driving now. People
that I have know in the past are pretty much OK, but I cant stand new
people... I think they are going to get me or something or there going to
bite me,,,,,I dont really think that I think they are going to bite me, but
I keep saying that for some reason?? I dont know why....

There are times when I can be perfectly normal for a while, now I dont
really want to leave the house much. It scares me to visit my fieances
family, I dont know why, I know them, I just think they are going to jude me
or something. I think everyone is going to turn against me and tell me that
they hate me. I think that the bank is going to hte the business plan I
have been working on for months, I think they are going to tell me it is the
worst they have ever seen. (it very well may be te best they have ever
seen) but I just cant get past these parinoid feelings.

So back to the meds thing.... Do I want to switch from Wellbutrin? Do I
need to just gat back on to a sleep schudele with Ambien or Soma or
something like that? Do I really need something like Risperdal or Zyprexa
if I am Bipolar? I think sometimes that I might have been better never
starting al of these meds, but then again, I would proboly be dead by now...

BTW... If I take Xanax on a regular basis, I do feel a little better....
But do I want to turn into a Xanax Junkie????

What do you think that I shold talk to the doctor about? Please help.. I
dont want to die.

Thanks,

Jamie

colleen

Print out this post and show it to the doctor. It says a lot about you and
asks the questions you need to ask. You may be having problems other than
bipolar. A good therapist will help you find where all this is coming from.
Don't let them tell you it's all in your head. The problems to you are very
real and you need to find what's causing them.
c


now...