kevin

my wife of 10 yrs. and 4 mos have ended Sept 6th 2003
the night of her death i didn't get to say i love you and goodnight to
her so i have the guilt of wanting to tell her but i can't now
i miss her and love her to this day
the family has treated me with no respect of her passing
she became dizzy in my bathroom at the time the night before which is
the 5th of Sept. she was watching her Tv and doing a crossword puzzle
book in bed and talking on the phone while i was in the living room
watching Tv and nothing was exchanged with in that time soooo...
she was in the bathroom, going to the bathroom and didn't hear her get
up to say anything to me there for am just shocked about this whole
traumatic death after the silence she hollers out "HUN I'M DIZZY"
and down she goes, how does that make me feel
so what do i do
i panicked a sec got to the phone and dialed 911 immediately and
couldn't perform CPR so there for the family thought i killed my own
wife also what i did is i screamed out Don't leave me Please ,
wife's name Please don't do this to me so what i did was lifted her
head on my forearm and gave her her last breath she was gasping for air
like 6- 7 times and bubbles came out her mouth, then until paramedics
arrived with police, which i can say they were very quick at responding
i appreciate them for that
i just don't know what to do about this situation,
i can tell you she had heart problems since the beginning of her birth-
Congenital Heart Defect- 35 yr. old
i love her to death would do anything for her
i know she is in gods hands and is free of any heart problems now and
pain.
nights i lay in our bed and a tear will come out
i just don't know what to become this
i have been
PUZZLED
SHOCKED
ANGRY
DEPRESSED
LONELY
WORTHLESSNESS

I was with her prior to this sad event at the hospital, always at her
bedside she went in for a Cardiac Catherization I went to Boston on
train that evening on Aug 21st everything was ok was supposed to have
shunts, stunts whatever you call 'em they wanted to go into her heart
and look too much scar tissue buildup so nothing was done for her her
mom was supposed to take her to disney World in Oct and they said they
would perform the surgery in November when she comes back, but she never
made it, she's there right now not today but she went
and so she went to her moms that night for safety purposes because i
don't have a vehicle and she does so she would take her back if there
was any problems and she called me the next day and said to me "I want
to see you" so i said to my wife can i get a ride she then asked her
mom and she came and picked me up that afternoon and stayed the whole
night and came home the next day so....
everything being alright she ended in a bad cough, caught it from a
person where she goes in our hall where we live in the morning and plays
cards with so i said to her Go get it checked out or atleast take
something for it, but i didn't realize we didn't have any cough syrup
so her mom brought her to a pharmacy that morning and started taking it
that evening and it was getting much better but deeper. softer voice,
like laryngitis so what was happening the cough was getting better but
coughing it was weakening her heart.
and then that's when she got dizzy that friday night


what do i do????? Any Help will be appreciated

Thank-You all for listening
i don't want to goto support groups and hear everyone's problem, that's
only tension on me

God Bless if anyone has experienced this
Kevin

ana.lili

Kevin,

I have not experienced the loss of a spouse but have experienced the
loss of a son, also on Sept. 6. I too did not get to say my final
declaration of love to my son, but that's O.K> because I believe it is
every day that matters, not just that last moment... One omission
cannot undoe all the good that was done, neither can one last word
make up for a lifetime of neglecting our loved ones.
Although I grieve deeply for my son, one thing that has kept me sane
is to be with people, do not be alone for long stretches of time. If
you do not like going to support groups, find a therapist one on one
that you can relate to.
Also, see your family doctor; perhaps he/she may prescribe
anti-depressants if needed. Get all the help you can, rely on friends
and family. Stay away from toxic people. You can tell by how tired
you are when you leave the presence of people who simply **** the life
out of the air Protect yourself.

Peace.