16th December 10:22
communication confusions (heart)
Heck no you're not crazy. I chuckled when I read this post--not because
I think it is funny but because you have described exactly what I do in
similar cir***stances. It takes forever for me to bring up certain
problems I am having, to open up to a loved one and take the armor off
my heart and my mind and expose them. Immediately after doing so, I
become cold and distant. Physical distance is best. I clam up and run
away. In some ways I think it is my way of rejecting them before they
reject me now that I have owned up to something (in my mind) incredibly
repulsive and disgusting.
It is hard because if I don't get rejected (which is the outcome, of
course, that I ~expect~) then I hear this voice in the back of my head
which says, "great, now they 'own' another piece of our soul--another
button they know exists and is pushable".
Sorry you and Dave are having communication difficulties right now.
Hope they clear up soon.
16th December 10:22
I knew that you of everyone in the group would get
ELK *huge grin* I am pretty sure if you had been in that car when 14
yelled and that man just disappeared we would have had to stop the
car due to all the hysterical laughter. Imagine if you will, the
three of us in a medium large suv, driving at 12,000 ft on a pretty
twisty mountain road, laughing our fool heads off and me saying
periodically 'I gotta breathe if I'm going to drive!' They should be
very thankful I'm a relatively trained driver so I can handle
distractions so well
I wonder if we should have gone back to see if he was ok or hanging
by a fingernail to the cliff face...
Ok, more below the spoiler...
The biggest thing that came to mind reading this is that, just cause
you are crazy doesn't mean other people can't be wrong as well. It's
a tough lesson to learn. No one is perfect. So _you_ have one set of
rules about things like conversations and Dave has another set.
_NEITHER PERSON IS RIGHT/WRONG_ (gotta get bigger fonts on the
internet). Also, a lesser thought, you are still stuck in a mindset
that if you react to stuff it is dysfunctional and from the past and
'bad' and all that. At some point you are going to get to the place
where you are going to just realize 'hey, I have this opinion and he
has that opinion. Huh, they aren't the same.' There will be
relatively little thinking 'that is from the past' or 'I'm like this
cause' I'm crazy' or whatever.
Like, my so is relatively normal and sane and all that. And yet he
has some really really REALLY annoying habits that he has dragged
with him since childhood probly and they aren't from dysfunction or
abuse or anything, they are just him being him. I can either think
'well, he's far more normal than I am so he must be right' or I can
think 'well, I had such a bad childhood I have no idea if he is
right or not so I'll assume he is' or I can do the 'healthy' thing
and say 'hey, when you do x it annoys me. Could you do y instead?'
I'm at the point where I do that maybe 75% of the time
Rainbow Colors (Jill)
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
16th December 10:23
Just a note to say we came, we read, we heard, we understand.
Maybe you guys could actually have something that you go and get when
you want those "pass the conch" type conversations. Used to work
with my guys and when I actually had a classroom. Having a class
discussion where we need to be listening? Get out the ladybug.
Whoever has the ladybug has the floor. Maybe you could have something
like that, that either of you could grab when you want to have one of
those types of conversations.
Just my $.02. Take it or leave it as you will.
*hughughug* L*v u friends.
Val for Rainstar
16th December 10:23
yeah, butbutbut...! that's the point! it was just a
"shooting the sh*t" kinda casual chat, u know? like around
the picnic table in the back yard? enjoying the night
air...watching the stars...sharing a few jokes with your
good friends?? the whole point of it was to be unstructured
am not ranting at you, btw.
16th December 10:23
communication confusions (anxiety stomach)
of *course* i got ELK! *huge grin* the *BEST* part about
this newsgroup is that so many ppl with the same "highly
developed" senses of humor tend to cluster here. :-D
spoiler updated for non-vanilla stuff, specifically pnshmt.
yeah. working on that. kinda went with Jen's reaction
because of its implications with some of the other stuff i'm
working on. the non-vanilla stuff.
see, it felt really stupid to me that somehow i might feel
"bad' because dave stormed off in a huff for no particularly
good reason that i could see. but i'm trying to go with
this idea that whatever i am, i just *am*, stupid or not, so
i'd better just deal with what's *there*, and get *over* it.
so i heard myself scorning the idea that Jen felt "bad", and
said "wait - run that by me again?" and heard Jen feeling
bad that time.
it made me mad, and i predicted to Bruce that i was gonna
end up being "wrong", no matter what. that made me more
had a huge long conversation with the husb, and ended up
with him not being willing to admit that any part of the
"problem" was his fault - it was all my fault. even after i
told him the bit about tell me what to do differently or fix
jen, he still persisted.
and, see, Jen felt *bad*. like she hadn't paid close enough
attention to what blue was doing, and blue made dave mad,
and Jen was *bad* for not making absolutely certain that
and there's this feeling we got in the stomach. Jen knew
exactly what it was. it was that sick feeling of needing to
be p*nished so she wouldn't be bad anymore. the one that
doesn't go away on its own. it just gets worse, the longer
it takes b4 the p*nishment happens...the anxiety gets worse,
the sick twisted feeling - the p*rversion that i *loathe* so
much...it just gets worse.
until Jen closes her eyes and blindly reaches for what she
needs: something that makes it ok for her to yell out "I'm
sorry! I'm sorry!!! I'll be good!"...even if it's only in
ugh...my RL is falling to rubble in the short term -
nothing's wrong, just...i'm mad at both of the men in my
life right now... so i'm going to bed.