crissy

Hello,

I have been reading the posts here for sometime now and I finally decided to post and introduce myself. I am Crissy (which is not my real name). It's the paranoia in me. Afraid in-laws would come here as a joke, and figure out that it is me, because they are the type that would get a laugh out of something like this. I never told anyone about my problem because I was too embarrassed, and besides that, if my husbands side of the family knew about my problem they would turn it into a nightmare for me, sooo here I am.

I had my first panic attack back in the 80's. I didn't know what it was at first, but I figured it out later. I had a terrible experience at a wedding one time, of all places! My heart was pounding so hard that I swore everyone could see this. The bride noticed something was wrong. I am thinking "Oh NO! please don't attrack the attention to me!", but she did. She had me breathe into a paper bag, of course ALL eyes were on me. I made up the excuse that I was coming down with the Flu, after all, it WAS Flu season. I try to avoid weddings, gatherings, and things like that as much as possible.

I do suffer from low self-esteem even though I am not an ugly person. And I also go around thinking that I am dumb even though I'm not. I do not have a college degree, but I do have certifications.

I have never ever told anyone about this because I am so afraid of being ridiculed and living around my husbands side of the family makes this worse. Let me explain....these people have always "picked" on me, if that is what you want to call it and I think this has a lot to do with my low self-esteem. I keep thinking to myself that I am better than them because I don't make fun of people like they do. I only try thinking this way in order to try to get rid of my low self-esteem. And when it comes right down to it, I WAS brought up in a higher class family that have higher morals than these people. I went to the best schools, lived in a beautiful home and neighborhood. I had the best of everything. Now I live in a small city where most of the people here are unfriendly.

My fears - Standing in line at the checkout, I tend to get a little anxious.
- Sitting in a doctor's office - where do you look?
- Sitting on a bus - again, where do you look?
- At the traffic light - I feel as if the others at the light are looking at me.
- Anywhere where there are a lot of people.
- Talking to strangers - I try not to make eye contact so they won't speak to me.

I wanted to tell my doctor about this, but every single time I go to him, I don't tell him because I get embarrassed at the last minute. I get a chocking feeling every time. Then after I leave I get mad at myself for not telling him.

I can't tell my husband because he is the type that will not understand, besides that, he tends to have a big mouth and he would tell his family. It would be hell for me if they ever found out, then the whole city would know about my problem!

None of my family lives around me. They all live in other states, so here I am alone.

So thats just a little part of my story because I know I am forgetting some things. I just wanted to let you all know just a little of what I am going through.

Friends always,
Crissy

affinity

"Crissy" <not_giving_in@notrealemail.com> spake:

[...]

Hi Crissy. Welcome to the newsgroup and thank you for your
introduction. It's very brave of you to express how you've been
feeling to a bunch of strangers; commendable.

May I suggest looking for anxiety and social-phobia organizations in
your area? I found a local anxiety organization by searching the web
and was then, though recommendation, able to find a decent
psychologist specializing in 'social anxiety' and anxiety disorders.
These disorders are more prevalent than you might think, and there's a
range of treatments, cognitive techniques and medication which can be
beneficial. I was also put in touch with a local real-life support
group, which I found very useful (if a bit scary at first).

Maybe from there, you might have access to the support and information
necessary to educate your husband about yourself. I'm sure as someone
who loves you he will want to know how you're feeling. There's no
reason for you to do this all alone.

gary brew

I know exactly where you're coming from here Crissy my main problem is I feel everyone is watching me and I just panic :-(

--

Gary Brew

I have been reading the posts here for sometime now and I finally decided to post and introduce myself. I am Crissy (which is not my real name). It's the paranoia in me. Afraid in-laws would come here as a joke, and figure out that it is me, because they are the type that would get a laugh out of something like this. I never told anyone about my problem because I was too embarrassed, and besides that, if my husbands side of the family knew about my problem they would turn it into a nightmare for me, sooo here I am.

I had my first panic attack back in the 80's. I didn't know what it was at first, but I figured it out later. I had a terrible experience at a wedding one time, of all places! My heart was pounding so hard that I swore everyone could see this. The bride noticed something was wrong. I am thinking "Oh NO! please don't attrack the attention to me!", but she did. She had me breathe into a paper bag, of course ALL eyes were on me. I made up the excuse that I was coming down with the Flu, after all, it WAS Flu season. I try to avoid weddings, gatherings, and things like that as much as possible.

I do suffer from low self-esteem even though I am not an ugly person. And I also go around thinking that I am dumb even though I'm not. I do not have a college degree, but I do have certifications.

I have never ever told anyone about this because I am so afraid of being ridiculed and living around my husbands side of the family makes this worse. Let me explain....these people have always "picked" on me, if that is what you want to call it and I think this has a lot to do with my low self-esteem. I keep thinking to myself that I am better than them because I don't make fun of people like they do. I only try thinking this way in order to try to get rid of my low self-esteem. And when it comes right down to it, I WAS brought up in a higher class family that have higher morals than these people. I went to the best schools, lived in a beautiful home and neighborhood. I had the best of everything. Now I live in a small city where most of the people here are unfriendly.

My fears - Standing in line at the checkout, I tend to get a little anxious.
- Sitting in a doctor's office - where do you look?
- Sitting on a bus - again, where do you look?
- At the traffic light - I feel as if the others at the light are looking at me.
- Anywhere where there are a lot of people.
- Talking to strangers - I try not to make eye contact so they won't speak to me.

I wanted to tell my doctor about this, but every single time I go to him, I don't tell him because I get embarrassed at the last minute. I get a chocking feeling every time. Then after I leave I get mad at myself for not telling him.

I can't tell my husband because he is the type that will not understand, besides that, he tends to have a big mouth and he would tell his family. It would be hell for me if they ever found out, then the whole city would know about my problem!

None of my family lives around me. They all live in other states, so here I am alone.

So thats just a little part of my story because I know I am forgetting some things. I just wanted to let you all know just a little of what I am going through.

Friends always,
Crissy

crewfan_88

Sounds like your husband is an asshole. Does your parents/family know
of your problems? If I were you Id dump his ass and see about moving
in with some family who you can talk to and try to get some
help...things figured out...just my opinion though.

john jay

Low self esteem is not related to appearance or intelligence. I've
seen smart beautiful people with horrible self esteem and not so
attractive and not to bright people with great self esteem.


In these three situations you could try reading a magazine.


Despite what you say about your town being judgmental I strongly doubt
your doctor would react negatively to the things you've said. You
haven't said anything that's "strange". Your doctor has almost
certainly met people with similar problems (part of a physical is
asking about how your life is to get information like that).

Writing your problems down might be a good idea.


I'd do as another poster suggests and try to find literature about
social phobia and show it to him. Ideally, he is your partner and he
should be there for you when you need it. You should tell him how
uncomfortable you would be if he talked about your personal issues
freely. Perhaps he'll come through. Some people rise to the occasion
when faced with a problem. If he fails, then perhaps you'll need to
reevaluate your relationship with him.

In addition to therapy for the problems you've described some marrage
councilling might be a good idea as well.


You could talk on the phone. You should reestablish communication with
them. Do they have computers? You could use email or instant
messanging. You can even talk for free to people far away using your
computer speakers and a microphone in some chatrooms like Yahoo.

crackwalker

Hi Crissy, I


Hello,

My fears - Standing in line at the checkout, I tend to get a little anxious.
Try to concetrate on your purchase, mental calculate the total. It'll take
your mind off the person behind you. At the teller you fake a sore throat
aand keep your mouth shut.


- Sitting in a doctor's office - where do you look?
I sit there with my eyes closed and face towards the floor. Works for me.


- Sitting on a bus - again, where do you look?

Same thing, look at your hands your feet, carry a book and keep it open.

- At the traffic light - I feel as if the others at the light
are looking at me.
Hmmmmmm....

- Anywhere where there are a lot of people.
- Talking to strangers - I try not to make eye contact so they
won't speak to me.

As I approach the stranger I move way over to the side. I keep my eyes
anywhere but on the stranger. eye contact is deadly.


I wanted to tell my doctor about this, but every single time I go to him, I
don't tell him because I get embarrassed at the last minute. I get a
chocking feeling every time. Then after I leave I get mad at myself for not
telling him.

Tell your dr you think you have socialphobia. He is there for you. You are
defect of character because you have socialphobia.

I can't tell my husband because he is the type that will not understand,
besides that, he tends to have a big mouth and he would tell his family. It
would be hell for me if they ever found out, then the whole city would know
about my problem!

None of my family lives around me. They all live in other states, so here I
am alone.


I am sorry you have to hide your illness. Makes it difficult to get
treatment.

Crackwalker

crissy

Hi Gary,

I feel the same way, but when I look to see if anyone is looking, sometimes they are looking. That is when the panic really kicks in!

--

Gary Brew
"Crissy" <not_giving_in@notrealemail.com> wrote in message news:vlh9gti056a6e5@corp.supernews.com...
Hello,

I have been reading the posts here for sometime now and I finally decided to post and introduce myself. I am Crissy (which is not my real name). It's the paranoia in me. Afraid in-laws would come here as a joke, and figure out that it is me, because they are the type that would get a laugh out of something like this. I never told anyone about my problem because I was too embarrassed, and besides that, if my husbands side of the family knew about my problem they would turn it into a nightmare for me, sooo here I am.

I had my first panic attack back in the 80's. I didn't know what it was at first, but I figured it out later. I had a terrible experience at a wedding one time, of all places! My heart was pounding so hard that I swore everyone could see this. The bride noticed something was wrong. I am thinking "Oh NO! please don't attrack the attention to me!", but she did. She had me breathe into a paper bag, of course ALL eyes were on me. I made up the excuse that I was coming down with the Flu, after all, it WAS Flu season. I try to avoid weddings, gatherings, and things like that as much as possible.

I do suffer from low self-esteem even though I am not an ugly person. And I also go around thinking that I am dumb even though I'm not. I do not have a college degree, but I do have certifications.

I have never ever told anyone about this because I am so afraid of being ridiculed and living around my husbands side of the family makes this worse. Let me explain....these people have always "picked" on me, if that is what you want to call it and I think this has a lot to do with my low self-esteem. I keep thinking to myself that I am better than them because I don't make fun of people like they do. I only try thinking this way in order to try to get rid of my low self-esteem. And when it comes right down to it, I WAS brought up in a higher class family that have higher morals than these people. I went to the best schools, lived in a beautiful home and neighborhood. I had the best of everything. Now I live in a small city where most of the people here are unfriendly.

My fears - Standing in line at the checkout, I tend to get a little anxious.
- Sitting in a doctor's office - where do you look?
- Sitting on a bus - again, where do you look?
- At the traffic light - I feel as if the others at the light are looking at me.
- Anywhere where there are a lot of people.
- Talking to strangers - I try not to make eye contact so they won't speak to me.

I wanted to tell my doctor about this, but every single time I go to him, I don't tell him because I get embarrassed at the last minute. I get a chocking feeling every time. Then after I leave I get mad at myself for not telling him.

I can't tell my husband because he is the type that will not understand, besides that, he tends to have a big mouth and he would tell his family. It would be hell for me if they ever found out, then the whole city would know about my problem!

None of my family lives around me. They all live in other states, so here I am alone.

So thats just a little part of my story because I know I am forgetting some things. I just wanted to let you all know just a little of what I am going through.

Friends always,
Crissy

crissy

Hi Blacknblue,

Yes my mom knows, sort of. I told her a few things, but I am not sure if she
knows the whole story.

As for my husband, yes I thought about that. He would NEVER understand this.
Of course in my situation I also have to deal with my insensitive in-laws.

I have so much to tell here to the newsgroup.

crissy

Hi John,

I tried reading a magazine, but that really doesn't help.

Forget about getting literature to show to my husband. He would never
understand.

As for my family, which I tried talking them into getting computers, but to
no avail. My mom is just afraid of them.


to post and introduce myself. I am Crissy (which is not my real name). It's
the paranoia in me. Afraid in-laws would come here as a joke, and figure out
that it is me, because they are the type that would get a laugh out of
something like this. I never told anyone about my problem because I was too
embarrassed, and besides that, if my husbands side of the family knew about
my problem they would turn it into a nightmare for me, sooo here I am.


at first, but I figured it out later. I had a terrible experience at a
wedding one time, of all places! My heart was pounding so hard that I swore
everyone could see this. The bride noticed something was wrong. I am
thinking "Oh NO! please don't attrack the attention to me!", but she did.
She had me breathe into a paper bag, of course ALL eyes were on me. I made
up the excuse that I was coming down with the Flu, after all, it WAS Flu
season. I try to avoid weddings, gatherings, and things like that as much as possible.


I also go around thinking that I am dumb even though I'm not. I do not have
a college degree, but I do have certifications.


ridiculed and living around my husbands side of the family makes this worse.
Let me explain....these people have always "picked" on me, if that is what
you want to call it and I think this has a lot to do with my low
self-esteem. I keep thinking to myself that I am better than them because I
don't make fun of people like they do. I only try thinking this way in order
to try to get rid of my low self-esteem. And when it comes right down to it,
I WAS brought up in a higher class family that have higher morals than these
people. I went to the best schools, lived in a beautiful home and
neighborhood. I had the best of everything. Now I live in a small city where
most of the people here are unfriendly.


light are looking at me.


they won't speak to me.


I don't tell him because I get embarrassed at the last minute. I get a
chocking feeling every time. Then after I leave I get mad at myself for not telling him.


besides that, he tends to have a big mouth and he would tell his family. It
would be hell for me if they ever found out, then the whole city would know about my problem!


some things. I just wanted to let you all know just a little of what I am going through.

john jay

Perhaps you misunderstood. Reading a magazine won't make your anxiety
go away. You wrote of a feeling of not knowing where to look while you
did certain tasks. Looking at a magazine is a good way of doing
something in the sense that it's a socially acceptable way of looking
busy even when you're not.

As for getting rid of the anxiety in those situations. That's harder.
The only way is by exposing yourself to the situations frequently. I
went through a similar thing many years ago, it was hell, but it
worked. Do things like go to the library and just sit there doing
nothing. When you get overly anxious, leave. Then come back and do it
the next day and so on. Within a few months (life isn't meant to be
easy), you'll find the experience much easier to handle.

If you don't give your husband a chance you'll never know. From what
you describe, things couldn't get much worse.

Then use a phone. Weekends and nights are usually cheaper.