26th February 02:33
help me with my son (grief)
It breaks my heart when a mother loses her child. I am sorry. It must be
terrible under any cir***stances. You mentioned an accident -- that such a
loss would be quite sudden adds to the hardship.
I found my way to this group after my mother died suddenly in June of 2000.
(Maybe because I felt "motherless" for so long I agonize for the mothers
who have lost their children.)
The "grief issues" we deal with (sometimes called "steps") are not things
we go through once and that's it. Sometimes things keep coming up. That
is normal. Maybe it's guilt, maybe another time it's denial, and then
maybe it will be guilt again. Sometimes it seems like we're going around
in circles, but we aren't, really. I finally realized that today's denial
was just a little different. Different kinks and angles.
Do you have any time alone to just do whatever? I find that it gets harder
and harder to make an appointment with my grief, to be alone and give
myself permission to cry or whatever, as the years go by. But I have to do
that sometimes. Otherwise I'm just locked in a hardening shell, building
tension that is likely to bust out in a negative way at a bad time.
Are there things you can do "in memory of" your son? Sometimes little
things, actions or rituals or silly things like buying and eating one of
those big cookies "for him" can help.
My thoughts go out to all of you.