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21 26th February 12:20
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Default I'm Back


I would appreciate any advice on how that each of you handled the"right after"
Like most people, didn't have much of a "handle" to hold onto,except dh's
shoulder,was still in shock and denial when youngest son died years ago. As
much as we like to think we are in charge of our lives, we find in an instant
that we really aren't. When anyone "feels' out of control, they can find
themselves as helpless as a baby might,not sure what all is going on, do know
we are here but then it's like ok, what's next?!?!?...........Jo
((((hugs)))) for you, Joe and all here
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22 26th February 12:20
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Default I'm Back (grief)

Thanks to all for your input.
To know that others have... and are going through this nightmare
called grief assures me that I am not wrong in feeling the way that I
do and that there doesn't seem to be any easy way of getting through
this. I have sat down here at the computer and just stared at the
screen... with no desire to do anything. I have tried to respond to
the posts, but didn't know what to say. Everything that I try to
do.... or think about doing seems useless... hopeless. This morning I
am sitting here trying to muster the energy to take a shower... why???
I don't feel like going anywhere. I don't feel like seeing anyone. I
am thinking that getting in the shower might make me feel better. It
always does. But then that's when I have plans to go out into the
world and get stuff done. I guess that maybe I will just force
myself... does forcing yourself to do things help to kill or at least
reduce the grief?
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23 26th February 12:20
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Default I'm Back (grieving)

I honestly don't think that it does anything other than kill some time....
and for a while, it does make you feel better because it's occupying your
mind... you're focused on not slipping, on lathering, rinsing, shaving,
whatever...... it kills that portion of the day that might have otherwise
been occupied with shedding tears or thinking about who you're grieving. For
me, I'll put 3 drops of lavender oil, 2 drops of a specially formulated rose
oil (tube rose, tea rose and carnation) and 2 drops of a specially
formulated evergreen scent (sandalwood, pine and rain scented oil) into a
bathtub and not get out for hours. I'll read, burn incense, light
candles.... or I'll simply take time to write some poetry, a short story,
read a sleazy romance novel.... just to kill the time. Aftwards I feel
better because I took some time and focused on me. it does alleviate the
pain of grief for a little while.... Take those little breaks and know that
it's ok....

"Many have forgotten this truth, but you must not forget it.
You remain responsible, forever, for what you have tamed."
~Antoine de Saint-Exupery
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24 26th February 20:09
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Default I'm Back (grieving)

Taking showers may not reduce the grief- but they will give you pleasure.
You still deserve and need pleasure.

I find that at times forcing myself to do things does help with grief. I'm
having one of my bad days today- I feel like crying for no real reason- And
I'm getting ready to go out. I have to go into work today, and I'm looking
for a reason to get out of the house.

The memory of pleasure- that is still exists- helps one go on living, I
think. We all need joy, even when we are grieving. Making myself get
dressed every day helped me with a lot of my grief- it gave me a purpose and
helped to frame my day. I knew that I was really sick at heart when I
stopped bathing and dressing- during that period, I was essentially dead.
Try to carry on as many of your old routines as possible, as they will help
keep you sane.
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25 26th February 20:09
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Me? I was numb. I cried a lot. I started cleaning out his closet like a
madwoman. I watched tv. I cooked when I could. I rocked on the sofa. I went
throulgh papers.
That's all I remember. It's all blurry now, and I thank goodness for that.
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26 26th February 20:10
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Default I'm Back (heart)

The message in your signature some time ago, took me back to reading
"the Little Prince"... my mom was so much like my rose. Even though
there were thousands of other roses... none were like my rose... here
is the secret that the fox gave to the Little Prince

Goodbye, said the fox. Here is my secret. Itís quite simple: One sees
clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the
eyes. . . . Itís the time that you spent on your rose that makes your
rose so important. . . . People have forgotten this truth, the fox
said, But you mustnít forget it. You become responsible for what
youíve tamed. Youíre responsible for your rose. . . and you know what?
That book has meant more to me in the past few weeks... anyone wanting
to know more about the book without having to read it several times;
go to:
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27 26th February 20:10
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Default I'm Back (grief)

It's like walking.
What do you do before you walk? Shoes, you put on your shoes . Oops, socks

Ultimately first you wake up though. You wake up and the nice dream you may
have been having(life is normal) is broken into this poor living nightmare.


You wake from this horrible nightmare only to realize it isn't a dream.
Day by day you will wake up and go to the bathroom and do these mundane
Face it bud, one day yer gonna stink. You won't like it. Take a shower.
You'll make your routine.

One day you may (I recommend this) watch the sun rise. By choice. The full
moon too.
Something about watching a full moon rise.

Look up at the sky with no moon and see a galaxy! Ours!

I do this with my son.

But I'd do it even if I was alone.
Take walks.
The last thing you need to do is crawl in a hole.

I don't know about reducing grief. I thiink it's like learning to talk or
walk. You learn to live with your loss.

I often wonder about people in third world countries. They lose so many in
wars over what is big money in first world countries.

I wonder how many have died for me and my like to live as we do.

How many dead kids?
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28 26th February 20:10
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That is my favorite story in the world!!! "Tis only with the heart, that one
see's rightly. What's essential is invisible to the eyes"
Yes,, I have had that phrase printed, painted, hung on walls, and everything
I know, always comes back to it! Thank you for this post.
Hold on,
THE ANSWER TO LIFE, is that phrase.. so says the fox. :-)
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29 26th February 20:10
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I love to watch sunsets,sunrises, moonsets, and moon rises... I love
to take walks (rarely with anyone else... I have my own conversations
with myself). Thanks for the suggestions... those are things that I
can do by myself... because that's where I'm at... by myself.
Several years ago, I took advantage of an early retirement and have
since filled my days with caring for Mom & Dad... I still am going
over to check on Dad but there is this huge gaping hole in my day...
you know???
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30 26th February 20:10
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I have been trying to figure out how that I feel... or how I should
feel... when I read your post it finally hit home... the reason that I
don't know how I am feeling is because I'm numb... THanx
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