28th May 07:11
JUST A SONG BEFORE I GO
Todd Wonderson had an old computer which he purchased around 1988 or so.
In the last 8 years it was stored in Todd's attic. It originally had a
monochrome monitor 16KB of RAM expandable to 48KB, 16KB of ROM and a 2.5 MHz
Z80 Processor. It didn't work. It would come on and shit but the software for
it was on cassettes which had deteriorated with age.
One day, Todd's wife was cleaning out the attic and told Todd that this
computer goes or he goes. Todd had his friends try to sell it on ebay for him
but nobody would buy it. There was this firm interested in purchasing the
computer and they offered Todd $100,000.00 for the machine but Todd insisted
that it was bullshit. The firm wanted to develop internet software for it but
nobody used the computer, it was quite a rarity. Todd Couldn't take the money.
He knew it was illegitimate. The company soon went bankrupt anyway. Todd then
carted the machine out to the trash and left the computer by the trash but
Todd's wife said "No, that isn't going to do, I don't want that thing even near
So here's what Todd did: he gathered some of his buddies and went off to the
desert with it. First, Hermione Carruthers drank some beer and after a while
walked up to the computer, dropped her pants and took a piss on the machine.
Then Parker Sneeihl threw some rocks at it. Elmer Puckett started poking at it
with a screwdriver. Then Montgomery Aitrid said "Get Back" and shot at the
computer with a sawed off 12 gauge shotgun. Phil Wagy was having a conversation
with Todd Wonderson when little Danielle Compton gave Phil a hug and Phil
pulled out a hammer from his toolbox in the cab of his truck (Phil is a
locksmith for a living). Phil handed the hammer to cute little Danielle who
then ran up to the computer and smashed the keyboard with it.
Then Richard Veaye took a can of gasoline out from the back of his motorcycle
and handed it to Roziland Collier who was about to pour it all over the
computer when Jennifer Wright ran up to the computer and threw the software on
it and then Roziland poured gasoline all over everything and then Richard Veaye
struck a match and torched the computer
About a month later, Llewellyn Courier, Tasha Aitrid, Kirstin Cogdill, Cassie
Cleargy, Gino Vaughn, Leonnie Houser and Henry Xebek returned to the desert to
**** the computer up some more. Henry Xebek picked up the monitor and threw it
at the computer then Kirstin Cogdil started beating the **** out of it with a
Louisville Slugger. Tasha and Cassie were kicking the monitor and computer and
stomping on the keyboard. Llewellyn smashed open the computer case and and
then they ****ed up the circuit boards. Leonnie broke the motherboard in half
with Kirstin's Louisville Slugger. Then Gino Vaughn kicked the computer
and sent 4116 Memory Chips, broken circuit boards and shit like that flying in
the air. The reason why they did this is to send a message. It's to tell those
people who live their lives on the Internet to well, get a life.
End of story.
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