nancewt

I was supposed to get married on Oct 11. I am not going to. There are so many
problems with this relationship, and for the past year I have been trying to
deny them and believe things will get better, and I just can't anymore. Things
became much worse with his two kids from his previous marriage, and he has
continued to be completely passive in his dealings with them, and I am just not
ok with this. I don't want to live the rest of my life this way. Most of my
friends have always seen this as a bad relationship, and tried to talk me out
of it up to the point when I became engaged. Then they tried to be supportive,
but are all so relieved now that I have "come to my senses", as they see it.
But I don't feel that way about it. I feel that marriage was the wrong choice
and that I was trying to make myself believe something that wasn't true, but I
also feel devastated. I feel such a deep, painful loss of my hopes and dreams.
My life now is not the life I thought I had. I feel this loss so strongly. I
have felt sick to my stomach all week, and it gets worse every day, not better.
Maybe after he moves out next week, it will get better. Or after I finish
telling people, and send out the announcements that the wedding is off, and
find out if I can get a refund for the honeymoon. Most of the other stuff
hadn't been paid for yet. I am so tired. I don't like this life.
-Nancy

j.l. thomas

oh, nancy...*concerned, caring thoughts*

while i'm very happy for you that you made a choice for
yourself that sounds VERY healthy, i can also understand how
excruciatingly difficult a decision it must have been, and
again how difficult it is taking care of all of the
"details" of calling it off.

you are very strong, Nancy. you're very capable, very
caring. i really admire you.

i'll keep you in my thoughts for awhile. *gentle caring
hugs* if ok, or gruff bop-on-the-shoulder "atta girl" from
the guys, if you'd prefer.

your friend,
jt


to. There are so many


them, and I am just not

this way. Most of my

tried to talk me out


senses", as they see it.


that wasn't true, but I

wedding is off, and

the other stuff

life.

mischa bach

hello nancy

sounds tough yet healthy. so congrats on your decision to cancel the
marriage. and we wish you all the strength and energy you need to go through
terminating this.
there was one sentence in your post which struck us as well - hm - let's say
it struck us:


These last two sentences (okay, so it wasn't a single sentence ;-) sound to
us a lot like they might not only describe how you feel about the
marriage/the relationship but like they also would fit with the way "we
survivors" sometimes look back at our lives ... ya know, mourning the loss of
a life one never had. Like e.g. mourning not having the loving, caring
parents every human being deserves.

It just struck us, dunno if this will have any meaning to you. yet we thought
we'd point it out. maybe it'll help in some way?

mischa's chaos

melissa

recommend this a lot. like it better in RL but available online too for
free:

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/books/sur/

good book. get it in rl if possible. workbook too=out of print. not
online /

me.

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rainstar

Nancy,

I'm so sorry. I know how you are feeling right now all too well.
October 6th of this year was supposed to be my 2nd anniversary, but he
dumped me six months before that. It hurts like hell, I know. Congrats
though on being brave enough to take the stand and not go into a
marriage that you wouldn't be happy in. I can't say I would've had the
same courage - it was he who dumped me.

But please know my thoughts are with you. *hugs* if ok. Take care.

Val for Rainstar

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jill

Wow, what a shock! I assume you have considered couples t'py? It
worked very well for my so and I.

I'm just glad you had the strength to stop it now and not wait until
Oct 12 to say 'what the heck did I just do!?!'

I know how tough it is to realize that what you have isn't what you
thought you had, or what you wanted.

Rainbow Colors (Jill)


--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
jill@tuells.org

nancewt

Thank you for the support, jt.
-Nancy

nancewt

hi, mischa's chaos. I agree that the issue of mourning what never was, but was
hoped for, is very much similar to survivor issues. It is a feeling I have had
before, and it is always painful, in some ways more painful than mourning
something that was lost. Thanks for responding.
-Nancy

nancewt

Thanks, Melissa. I'll check it out.
-Nancy

nancewt

Thank you, Val, for sharing this. It helps a lot to know that there are other
people who have gone through similar things. It seems like people are much more
shocked to hear that a marriage has been cancelled than to hear about a
divorce. I feel very alone in this. So I really appreciate your response. I'm
sorry you had to go through something so painful.
-Nancy