missannieok

Yay! The groups are back up and running. I missed you guys.

I have been wanting to talk to you about my dad. You see, as I
mentioned before, I lost my mom many years ago. My dad has been an
amazing friend, supporter, mentor, you name it, ever since. But as
close as we are, I have been hesitant to tell him about our adoption
plans.

My dad is the least nosey parent you could ever have. If he worries
you are hurting yourself in some way, he'll say something, but
otherwise, it's your life--live and learn is his motto. A few years
ago, I told him that dh and I wanted to adopt a **** at the community
center where I work so that she would not be deported. Surprisingly,
he spoke up and said, "Oh, don't do that!" and threw out some kind of
caution. As it turns out her mother--though I made it clear that I
didn't want to take her daughter from her, but just keep her in the
country and she could live with her mom--didn't want to go along with
it.

My dad has also not been nosey at all about us and children. He
thinks we're just choosing not to have children, and because I'd
rather not stress him out by telling him the agony of it all, I've let
him keep on thinking it. A very empathetic soul, he hurts when I hurt
and he's had so many health issues, I would rather him just think of
me as happily married without children. There was one time when he
said something, and it solidified my resolve to just keep my mouth
shut. It broke my heart: "If you would just have a little girl just
like you, I would diaper her myself." That spoke volumes about his
deep yearning for me to have a child.

I tried, but thus far, it hasn't happened, and because of his reaction
to our initial adoption plan, I have been reluctant to say anything
about adoption. But then I was going through our homestudy paperwork,
and realized that there were things I'd have to ask him. I called,
and was able to get the info with him none the wiser. But then I
found myself spilling the beans--at least the biggest ones. It was
like an out of body experience. I decided not to tell him that we may
be pursuing treatment, but I did tell him that we have been to a
doctor and that we don't know what's wrong. I didn't tell him I still
need to do that dreaded HSG. I'd rather it just be a surprise if we
have a bio child down the line, and let him just get used to the idea
of adoption--especially at my age.

So, how does my dad respond? In his 70s, mind you, he says, "Oh wow,"
like a ****-ager. He got giddy and reflective and concerned all at
once. He said he thought we'd never have children, and he'd be proud
to call our children his grandchildren. But he was worried about the
birthfamily coming to take them back. Then he was talking about all
those kids out there that need homes and how neat it was that we were
opening ours. Then, he got really subdued and quietly asked, "So,
how old will the child be?" I said, "We hope to get a baby." He
said, "Oh, wait a minute. I'm trying to visualize the two of you with
a baby. Wow!"

But as if I wasn't a mess already, he touched the core of my soul. I
cleared my throat and asked, "So, are you going to be sad not to see a
little me?" and he paused and said, "It's not your job to have a child
for me, just so I can go around and tell other people, 'Look, I have
another grandchild'." That was exactly what I needed to hear. He
told me a story about some nosey relative that had recently tried to
make him feel that I was failing the family by not having a baby yet,
and how mad that made him since I have the right to live my life any
way I choose, and not for him. I almost lost my composure, so touched
by his support, but I could tell how emotional he was and thought it
best to keep my head. He loves me for me, and will love our children
just for who they are. I have a niece who my brother adopted. I know
how very awesome my dad is to her, and treats her no better or worse
than the other grandchildren. It's just good to *hear* that he won't
be disappointed in me. It shouldn't matter...but I'm his baby girl,
the one who has always done the "right" things, the one of whom he
says--for my ears only--that he is the most proud. It's just good to
*hear* that he thinks adoption is just as wonderful as having a
biological child. It's how he has raised me, and what I have
witnessed in him, yet I needed to hear it applied to my future family.
Yes, I'm an adult and we'll do what we feel is best for our family
regardless of his opinion--it's just, well, if you grew up a daddy's
girl you know what I am talking about.

It also meant so much to me because of what I am going through with my
mil--but maybe that's another thread. She just retired, and is
babysitting my bil's daughter while her parents work, and has started
making targetted jabs. It's as though every time she looks at her
second born son's baby, she yearns to see her first born son's baby,
and has more time on her hands to get bitter. Again, this is about my
wonderful dad, so I'd rather not go there here.

Anyways, thanks for reading this far. Telling my dad made me feel as
though everything is going to be OK, and I just wanted to share that
with you.

Annie

k3_e81

Me too.

<snip>

Awesome, awesome post! I got chills just reading it. You have a
great Dad, Annie - and you should be very proud of the way he handled
this. He's a gem.
I hope when times get rough, you can think back on this and remember
how much he loves you. :*)

-L.

michelle snook

Annie,

I'm so glad that your dad was supportive..my dad said "Umm..yeah, it's hot
in Utah at that time of year" huh?!?

That was all I got from him...at least my mom and step-dad are
giddy-grandparents!!

Michelle

cyndirella1211

Speechless
*~`~ Cyndie ~`~*

vicki

You have a very special Dad.

Vicki B.

sammy

OMG what a special dad you have!
Please give him a GREAT BIG HUG from me!

Carola

--
Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened.


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