dwtlbruce@optusnet.com.au

I absolutely know how you feel, but don't give up hope. I had a
miscarriage 11 years ago, I know it sounds like a long time but its
not. After that I waited nearly 2 years to fall pregnant again. This
time at 13 weeks I started bleeding again but after an ultrasound, It
proved everything was OK. The same day my friend went in for a
rountine ultrasound and found out her baby had died (missed abortion).
I had a healthy pregnancy, but frightening, I didn't enjoy it at all
because I thought something was bound to go wrong. It didn't and I
had a healthy baby girl. Although now it is a different story. Im
with my partner of 5 years and have been trying to have a baby for 4
years. I have had 1 miscarriage 1 ectopic pregnancy and another
miscarriage after that. I am 35 now and wish so much to have a baby
soon but I won't give up hope because I know it can happen no matter
how great the odds are.

janet sackman

Dear Allie

Welcome to the newsgroup, I'm so sorry that your lovely pregnancy ended so
sadly, that you have to be here but this is a great place to come and share
your feelings and experiences as I hope you find out.

I'm not at all surprised that you're sad, that you've been feeling so bad,
because your *baby has died*. It doesn't matter how many weeks you were,
your baby is your baby and if s/he hadn't died, you would have still been
pregnant and looking forward to a happy future together. Grief is a funny
thing; it comes and goes, as if it has a life and a will of its own. We have
to just go with the feelings and let them come out, don't we? Although
that's hard to do in the middle of a busy life.

Chances are that your periods will come back pretty much as normal 28 days
or so after losing the baby. Sometimes cycles do change a little and it may
be that it takes a few months for a regular pattern to be established. Talk
to your doctor if you have any concerns when you see her next week. In the
meantime if you'd like me to send you some support materials I can email
them to you, let me know.

Love and hugs

Janet
co-moderator, soc.support.pregnancy.loss

dominique@stamms-lab.net

Dear Allie,

What you are going through emotionally is extremely painful, but
normal I think. I have had two miscarriages this year and am pregnant
again. I was also deeply depressed after each loss. The emotional
pain comes and goes, for not apparent reason. One day you think
you're healing, the next you're crying hysterically. I think of it as
waves of loss, and they do decrease after a while. It's hard to feel
good, or at least it was for me, because if you're not grieving then
you are accepting the loss on some level. At some point, the pain
does start to dim, though never go away.

In terms of *** and your period, I can only speak from my own
experience. When I stopped bleeding - which took two weeks - I was
physically o.k. for ***. But it took a while to get back into it.
*** seemed like a reminder of the loss for me, it may be different for
you.

The one piece of good news is that my period schedule didn't change at
all. It regularly came 3 weeks after the D&C, and had the same rhythm
as before.

Hang in there - this is one of the worst things ever to live through,
but the pain is not as sharp forever.