Hi,
Im new to the group - my name is Becky an i live in the UK. Im 38 yrs
old and at the moment my husband and i are in our 3rd week if IVF
treatment. I have just started the injections Menopur - and have to
take these along with the superfact for the next 12 days.
Ive headaches, im sad, i cry a lot then in the next breath im laffing!
Im pulling my hair out, anything can start me off - i am soooooooo
tired and feel worn out - am i meant to feel like this?
Ive been reading some of the posts on this site, and i feel that i
really shouldnt be here, but i just wanted to talk to someone about how
i am feeling.
I already have 2 children (aged 18 and 16) by my first marriage, they
were concieved naturally and i had no problems conceiving them. My
marrriage didnt work out (i wont go into the reasons why) and i met my
new husband a few months after getting divorced (6 yrs ago) he has
taken on my 2 children as his own and the girls treat him as their dad.
We are a lovely happy family.
The problem we have is that when i was younger i decided that i didnt
want any more chlidren and was steralized ( a decision that i deeply
regret. As i also developed endo after i had the girls, this along with
the steralization basically put a stop to me having any more.
When i met my mew husband, he knew from the start that i couldnt have
any more children, so we got on with our lives as it was. We married,
bought a house, the girls live with us and we are extremly happy. My
husband was born with bladder extrophy and other problems, which also
meant that he thought he couldnt have any kids, so we left it at that.
After a lot of thought and debate, we came to the decision that we
wanted to try for a baby of our own. We went to the doctor to see if it
was possible if he could have chlidren. It turns out yes he can - so
(to cut a long story short) we have started treatment for IVF - the
doctor decided this was a better option than getting the operation
reversed for me cos of the endo also - he decided we would bypass the
both problems i have and go for the IVF - which cost an arm and a leg,
but hopefully will be worth it.
I think ive explained everything as best as i can. Hopefully u can
understand - if not any questions u may have, feel free to ask. The
reason i feel i shouldnt be here, or that i shouldnt be desperate for a
baby is because i already have 2. Most women on here have none and are
desperate for a child of their own, but im still going thru the
emotions that they feel. We havent told anyone (only the chlidren) what
we are doing, so i am unable to tell anyone how i feel. I look at
pregnant women and feel jealous and sad, i seem to see more and more
women these days, im sure it wasnt like this before i started
treatment! I didnt want to turn into someone who cried every time she
saw a baby, or that someone told her they were expecting - i wasnt
prepared for it, but now i cant help it. I cry at every thing - i cry
at adverts for baby milk or nappies (dypers) im turning into a mad
woman im sure. And then i feel gulity cos i already have 2 kids, there
are women out there who i know would love to be in my position.
I dont know why i feel like this - is there anyone else on this site
who already has chlidren and feels like me - i so desperatly want this
IVF to work, i think im going mad .......

kams

Hi Becky,

I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through. I hope you feel better
soon

That said, this group is for women who have NEVER had any children of
their own, EVER.

alt.infertility.secondary is a more appropriate group for you as it is
for women who have children of their own and are now struggling with
infertility.

Good luck with your current IVF cycle... and hope you find enough
support in alt.infertility.secondary.

Kams

becky

You need to post on Alt.infertility.secondary -this group is for
people
with NO children

I received the above email, sorry if i have offended you all, i didnt
realise, i thought it was for people who are having problems
conceiving. I thought the secondary site was for people who are no
longer on the IVF programme, i just wanted some advise about the
treatment.
Sorry .....

amyb

Hi All -

I'm one of the new gals and I hate to ruffle any feathers but, I myself
didn't realize this forum was only for woman with no children.
Although I certianly fall in that category, I feel these responses were
a bit harsh and could have been addressed with a bit more sympathy. We
all need to remember, I'm sure the feelings these woman have are the
same as ours. Lack of self confidence, frustation, pain, jealously -
everything that we feel. To us it may seem these woman are ungreatful
for what they already have but, don't forget - I'm sure as you do, I
hope to be in thier shoes one day. When I have a baby and could be
going through this all over again to have another. I wouldn't be any
less thankful for the child I am hopefully given but, I can guess I'll
experience the same struggles and look for the same support I need
today.

Sorry to be the stick in the mud.

Amy b

yellowgirl

Hello all... yes, the secondary site is for those in this poster's
position.... lots of good folks there (including Kath!) who will
provide support for her.

Since we've had a lot of new members, I'll post the link to our faq
below so that everyone will know what's what. It is worth a read by
all members who haven't... as it deals with how to make pg
announcements (one post only, by active members, then congrats through
private email), how to put in headers on sensitive subjects (pg
mentioned; kids mentioned; m/c mentioned; etc) so that if someone is
having a bad day they can avoid certain posts etc. Forwarned is
forarmed or something like that.... And I hope the original poster
finds lots of support over at the secondary site.... YG

Here's the FAQ:

http://www.fertilityplus.org/faq/primaryfaq.html

kams

Amy,

What in my response did you find unsympathetic? Since you said "THESE
responses" and only mine was online, and one was a personal email to
becky (not sent by me), I feel I must respond to you.

I expressed sympathy for becky, pointed her in the right direction, and
wished her luck... What is the problem with that?

Kams

kams

Amy,

What in my response did you find unsympathetic? Since you said "THESE
responses" and only mine was online, and one was a personal email to
becky (not sent by me), I feel I must respond to you.

I expressed sympathy for becky, pointed her in the right direction, and
wished her luck... What is the problem with that? Where is the
"harshness"?

Kams

amyb

The CAPs caught me off guard and there was a second comment about NO
children. I'm not attempting to point fingers as I said I'm new and
was just surprised to see this response. Never having joined an on
line forum I had no ideas there were rules. The FAQ's information was
helpful to understand the guidelines. (Which I realize now I may have
already broken a few rules)

Sorry for any misinterpretation of the comments. I just didn't expect
to see that someone would be turned away for support but, I understand
why there are different forums. I hate to start out on the wrong foot,
I could really use some strong women to help me get through this.

becky

Hi Amy and everyone else who has responded to my topic.

Firstly can i point out that the NO Chlidren was the exact wording i
had received in an email from someone called John - i have not replied
to his email personally, i felt at the time to upset to reply.
NO women on this site has responded to me in any form of nastyness
wotsoever.

I'd like to thank everyone for their response (appart from John maybe
lol) and for explaining to me the rules. I have now joined the
secondery site and am already getting the support i need.
I wish you ALL well in your quest for having a baby, i am sorry that i
have seemed to have caused a rift - i never meant that to happen.

Best Wishes

Becky ) ***

christy1966

Becky,
I am so glad you posted! If you had not posted then you would not know
where to go to get the support you need. And yes, we can all relate to
your issues. When I was in my cycle I was an emotional basket case.
I cried and cried, the hormones were hard, but everytime I got a shot
or took a pill it was just a reminder of my IF.

I think the posts just confirm that this subject is very hard for all
of us. And we just want you to get to the right place to get the best
identification. And we are, or I should speak for myself, a little
jealous that you already have children, nothing personal at all!
Its just most of our lifes dream is to have a family and since none of
us has that, I think that is where our sensitivity to this issue comes
from. Please know we are all loving supportive women and we wish you
all the best for you and your family and hopefully that little baby to
come!!!
Good Luck!!!
Christy