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GENEVA, SWITZERLAND-An international peace-crimes tribunal commenced
legal proceedings against former U.S. President Jimmy Carter for alleged
crimes against inhumanity Monday.

"Jimmy Carter's political career includes a laundry list of
anti-war-making offenses," said chief prosecutor Charles B. Simmons.
"Carter's record of benevolence, diplomacy, and respect for human life is
unrivaled in recent geopolitical history. For millions, the very sight of
his face evokes memories of his administration's reign of tolerance."

The former president, whom Simmons described as "relentless in his
***** pursuit of everlasting global peace," has been sought by peace-crimes
officers in the international war-making community for decades. Police
apprehended Carter on July 25 in South Florida, where he was building
low-income housing as a part of a Habitat For Humanity project. Shortly
thereafter, he was extradited to Geneva, where he will be prosecuted for
"grossly humane acts against all nations."

Yale University political-science professor Janet Hargrove said the
evidence against Carter is overwhelming.

"Carter's defense team will have a difficult task defending him
against these peacemaking accusations," Hargrove said. "Carter's signature
is right there on the Camp David accords between Egypt and Israel. His
decision to return control of the Panama C**** to Panama continues to impede
U.S. military intervention in the region even today, and his influence on
the SALT II treaty is a matter of public record. He may have been in part
responsible for the temporary nuclear détente between the U.S. and the
Soviets."

While much of his peacemaking took place during his term of office,
the years following Carter's presidency have included peace-mongering
missions in Ethiopia, Sudan, North Korea, and the former Yugoslavia.

"Carter is one of the worst enemies the forces of destruction have
known since Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his non-violent rampages of the
'50s and '60s," Simmons said. "Even today, in his capacity as an
ex-president, [Carter] continues his pursuit of non-aggression. He must be
stopped now, before another terrible war is avoided and more lives are
saved."

Prosecutors have linked Carter to a number of international
humanitarian organizations, including Red Cross and Amnesty International,
both of which fund compassionate, non-military efforts around the globe.

"The former president has even been linked to an organization within
Sweden known for promoting the peace agenda by remaining on the outside of
the international political process," Hargrove said. "A medal commemorating
a so-called 'Nobel Peace Prize' was seized from Carter's Ge****a estate and
will be used as evidence against him."

Vince Halloway, an expert in international law with the Brookings
Institution, expects Carter's defenders to attempt to establish him as a
propagator of international conflict by citing his mishandling of the Iran
hostage crisis, his boycott of the 1980 Moscow Olympics, and his time served
on a Navy nuclear submarine.

Halloway, however, said he considers this defense "thin."

"Prosecutors will have no difficulty establishing Carter's willful
intent to pursue and maintain the aim of peaceful intervention in
international affairs when they cite his formation of The Carter Center, an
organization whose three publicly stated aims are 'Fighting Disease,'
'Building Hope,' and 'Waging Peace,'" Halloway said. "Carter will be forced
to answer for his reign of tranquility before the entire world community."

If found guilty, Carter could face permanent exile in a nonviolent
nation such as Norway.

On behalf of the Bush administration, Vice-President **** Cheney
expressed regret over Carter's alleged crimes.

"We are all aware of the missteps that occurred during the placid days
of the Carter administration," Cheney said. "It was simply a matter of
bringing the justice to light. Thankfully, the process has begun, and this
chapter in our nation's history is finally being brought to a close."

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