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1 11th January 13:47
cat
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Posts: 1
Default OT Humor The Movies (concussion personality down job)


This one has been around awhile, but is still fun.

*********************************

THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
WITHOUT THE MOVIES

- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.
Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.

- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.

- The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or
give him 48 hours to finish the job.

- All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.

- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk
you down.

- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building undetected.

- Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they
are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.

- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.

- If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even
if you haven't been carrying any before now.

- You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.

- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.

- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill;
just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you
should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises
in their most revealing underwear.

- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.

- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK
stadium.

- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

- It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
conversations.

- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn
the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
visiting.

- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessors.

- When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

- No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.

- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -
unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
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2 18th January 14:01
firechief
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Posts: 1
Default OT Humor The Movies


Television news bulletins will NEVER intertupt a commercial.


.... Procrasinator: A person with hardening of the oughteries.
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