leafroller

In article <rleoqvo25h8m2di0hv765c2e6a8hvhtk3r@4ax.com>, jjayx1952
@yahoo.com says...

If it was any of your business, then he would have told you so.


Nobody cares what you think.

meryl

I know my depression is worsening when I start to withdraw, become
more introspective, *think too much*. I have to force myself outside
and walk, even if I am crying as I walk.
Depression hates a moving target ............. works for me, but it
can be very difficult at times.
Sometimes I get by a few minutes at time. I also remind myself that I
bounce back, even if it is only a little bounce to begin.
I understand your lurking.
Hope your course works out for you.
I think your telephone bill is outrageous. Do you have timed calls and
Internet. I am aware that the length of posts can make ngs an
expensive proposition for some.
Take care,
Meryl

crackwalker

It's easy to have more than one disorder. I think I have a few of these
symptoms myself. But I am stronger on the sp part of it.

I;'ll put up one for narcissitic later lol you can compare notes. Crackwalker


will

a


to


a

receptivity

and

defenses

crackwalker

Thank you and its she not he lol

Crackwalker

crackwalker

Well, I haven't been suicidal for about 2-3 years now. But I can feel the
depression just building up. I try to fight it but it's not easy as you say.
I just try to keep my head above water and wait til it passes.

Crackwalker

You really have a good take on this depression. you describe yourself so
clearly.


that

moment

mruk4u

Hi Meryl,

....and, so lovely getting to hear from you, again./;-)

DEPRESSION


I know my depression is worsening when I start to withdraw, become
more introspective, *think too much*.
<<<

Yes, I find myself...withdrawing from absolutely everything/everybody.../and,
doing endless over-thinking...mostly all of it being entirely 'negative', as
well...what am I here for? Indeed, what is anybody here for? And, are/is all
people/life most utterly meaningless?/-Etc.


I have to force myself outside
and walk, even if I am crying as I walk.
Depression hates a moving target ............. works for me,
<<<

Yes, I have to tell myself...when I don't wish to get up and do absolutely
anything, atall...but, instead, do only wish to go falling straight back to
sleep, again...in order to not have to get up and struggle to face life...

....that, whenever one is feeling really and truly 'depressed', then...ACTION,
has to come long before MOTIVATION -(which leads to getting involved with doing
more and more action)- ever does.

So, one has to sort of 'force' oneself to do things, rather blindly...I tell
myself to go into a sort of 'military' thinking mindset behaviourial
mode...namely, do the thing that needs doing...wholly unemotionally. Otherwise,
my emotions would just keep on telling me...no, I really can't be bothered!


can be very difficult at times.
Sometimes I get by a few minutes at time. <<<

Yes, when feeling depressed I tend to use all sorts of tricks...


neighbours?! Aiming only to loose myself completely...and, so, be 'lost in
music'.


wide awake...sometimes, I might just get a really good dream...which could help
lift me up a bit.


toe...and, totally let go of thinking, altogeather....empty the mind/think
nothing(a paradox)! Or else, concentrate the mind on thinking of just 'one'
thing...usually, which is positive...say, a bright color, yellow.../or, some
good word or words, love.../-etc.

/-Etc.


I also remind myself that I
bounce back, even if it is only a little bounce to begin.
<<<

Yes, we need to take really VERY small steps towards recovery...; because,
recovery, is not always something one can just, simply, hurry(sure as hell wish
it was, though)!

LURKING


I understand your lurking.
Hope your course works out for you.
<<<

Thanks for both your understanding, and, well wishes!/;-)

Yes, reading newsgroups is sometimes far easier than writing to newsgroups is.
As when I start writing...then, I end up going back to get the
response(s)...and, then, I end up replying to these response(s)...and, before I
know it...I can't get off the computer, anymore, not ever again?!

But, when one merely lurks around, quietly, right out of sight...then, you can
read as much as you like.../or, even as little as you, please...and, then, at
any moment, just simply quit...without having to feel the need to go do any
further participation...or, feel really guilty for NOT having read replies/or,
responded back to anyone?! Thus, for me, especially, when 'busy'...life can
sometimes be far easier to just be a non-participatory newsgroup lurker,
instead.

PHONE BILL PROBLEMS


I think your telephone bill is outrageous. Do you have timed calls and
Internet. I am aware that the length of posts can make ngs an
expensive proposition for some.


This is certainly NOT the first time that BT-British Telecom has cut my phone
line off...due to the quarterly bill being left unpaid. In fact, it tends to
happen to me really quite regularly...; at least, once or twice per year!

The situation is...you get your unemployment benefit money each
forthnight...and, you use it to pay all of your other bills...and, then, all of
a sudden...the, phone bill comes in for £100.00+...and, you're like...but, I
have no more money left?! So, you just have to wait until whenever you can get
sufficient monetary funds being put togeather, again...

The worst part is they tend to add on a further re-connection charge to your
next phone bill, as well...which, I think, is being really cheeky...when people
who own/or, run these companies are, already, multi-millionaires...whereas, you
are unemployed...like they are trying to drain out every little drop of you!

In regards to answering your more specific questions about the phone...

BT TOGEATHER PACKAGE - FREE LOCAL/NATIONAL VOICE CALLS DURING BOTH
EVENINGS/WEEKENDS

The outgoing telephone calls I make do need to be paid for on an individual
price basis...depending on how long the call I'm making lasts for...whether
it's local(cheapest)/national(moderately expensive)/or, international(most
expensive)...and, also, depends on what time I make the calls...peak
time(business work times)/or, off-peak times(evenings/weekends).

Too, I'm on a BT/British Telecom discounted telephone calls package called: BT
Togeather...which allows me to make FREE voice local/national area phone calls
both evenings/and, weekends.

AOL FIXED MONTHLY FLAT RATE FEE...ALLOWS YOU UNLIMITED INTERNET PHONE CALLS

All of my internet phone calls are FREE...; as I pay AOL/America OnLine...I
think, the fee is something like £17.99 per month -(charged to my credit card)-
for UNLIMITED internet access.

Basically, being on this particular package means...AOL software allows you to
connect through to the internet by using a FREEPHONE number. Thus, no matter
how long I choose to stay on here...I don't have to worry about running up any
further telephone charges, atall.

However, if you just cannot afford to pay the phone bill, atall...then, even
though you might be paying AOL, monthly, to have UNLIMITED internet
access...you can't use it...as the phone line has been competely cut off,
altogeather...and, that is certainly most deeply fustrating...as it's like more
money going right down the drain!

CONCLUSION - HAVING THE INTERNET IS VERY HIGHLY ADDICTIVE - I FIND IT SOMETHING
THAT IS VERY DIFFICULT, INDEED, TO BE WITHOUT...(SOMETIMES, BEING ON THE NET
MAY REPRESENT MY ENTIRE SOCIAL LIFE!!! AFTER HAVING NO SOCIAL LIFE OUTSIDE OF
IT...)

Still, even when my phone line does gets cut off, eventually...; I keep paying
the bill just so that I can come back here online. I think, this is because
having the internet is one of those things you never wish to be without...just
like say, having the video/or else, washing machine(I've never had a washing
machine, yet-though, it sure as hell sounds useful)...where, once, you've had
it...you can't even imagine life being without it ever again?!


Take care,
Meryl
<<<

U2/GOOD LUCK to you ALWAYS!/;-)

riccip

That is very good advice. Always worked for me too. The reason it
works is by drawing our focus away from ourselves and our inner
plight. Within four walls we can sit around recycling our worries
and negative thoughts, amplifying them just a little more each
time they come around. Outside you can see the bigger picture.

Riccip

================================================
***"Do I have SOCIAL PHOBIA?"
http://www.mge.clara.net/sp/spdef.htm

meryl

Yes that is part of it but the physical movement part is also
important for me. Much as I loathe it at the time, I need to get
outside and move.

On another plane, when I am busy at work, I often forget my anxiety
and depression. I am too preoccupied and busy with other mattters but
it is waiting for me when I return home.
But then I have other things in my bag of tricks. LOL

Meryl

meryl

Now I have a dilemma
I have read your post/s and it was great to catch up BUT I do not want
you to get caught up in feeling a need to respond.
Good luck with your studies.
It is nice to knowy ou are around lurking. Sometimes that is the best
way.
Take care,
Meryl

qom

In article <3ogqqv8d1m1o0ge64q8916sroal2rjk4hl@4ax.com>,
mapratt@ozemail.com.au says...


I do this at work. I hate my ****ing job and the shitheads that work
around me, and almost every day I start to feel like I'm going to lose
it. But if I leave the building and walk around for about five minutes,
the feeling usually subsides temporarily.