lakeplace

My dog Bo is Dead ....... He was killed on 8-4-03 just 3 days ago.
Thanks to all of you that have responded and / or sent me emails for
comfort. I wanted to pass this on.... hope this may be of some help
for those who have lost a pet. Reading these posts has been helpful for
me but I anticipate a long healing process in the loss of my best friend
.... Bo.

*
Coping with the Death of your Dog
*
Feelings
A grieving pet owner will experience a variety of emotions including
confusion and frustration.* A feeling of isolation may result from not
feeling able to openly grieve, due to a fear of being considered silly
or overly sentimental about the death of an animal by other people.*
It is important to recognise that it is ok to take as much time to
grieve and heal, as you find necessary.
So what kind of feelings should you expect after a loss?* The
following are universally recognised stages of grief, although each
person will experience them in their own particular way: Shock and
denial
Anger and guilt
Depression
Shock and denial
The first reaction you may feel when given the news that your pet has
died is one of shocked disbelief.* A feeling of numbness may be
experienced which serves to protect against the full impact of the
loss.* This feeling may last hours or days and you may only fully
accept that your pet is really gone as his absence in the home becomes
more obvious over time.
Anger and guilt
As the numbing effects of denial and shock disappear, the reality of the
situation emerges, bringing intense emotions and pain.* As
self-defence mechanism these painful feelings may be directed outwards
as anger.* This anger may be directed at friends and family, your vet,
complete strangers, other pets or even inanimate objects.* You may
even be angry with your deceased or dying dog, resenting him for the
pain that he is causing you to feel.* The guilt resulting from feeling
this can make this anger worse, even though rationally you know that
your dog is not to blame.* Guilt is a common feeling at this time.*
The phrase "If only I'd done….differently" is frequently used,
although rarely is this guilt actually justified.* These feelings do
fade and eventually you will be able to accept that nothing you could
have done would have made any difference to the inevitable sad outcome.
Depression
Once anger and guilt have passed, emptiness remains that will lead to
depression and a period of 'true sadness'.* Feelings of hopelessness
may be experienced and in some cases an owner may feel that life isn't
worth living without their pet.* Extreme anxiety may also be present,
often leading to sudden bouts of uncontrollable crying.* Depression
and anxiety should subside over time.* However, if these feelings
persist then professional counselling may be necessary to progress to
acceptance and recovery.
Acceptance and recovery
Acceptance is a further stage of grief and although it is emotionally
'easier' than depression, it can still be a very sad time.* Acceptance
comes as you adjust to the changes in your life made by the passing of
your pet and accept the reality of the fact that your dog really has
gone forever.* Recovery is the final part of the grieving process,
where you come to terms with your loss.* It is now that you can look
at photos of your pet and recall fond memories of your time together
with feelings of affection and love, instead of anger and/or tears. Some
people find that actual physical symptoms may also be present such as
weakness, lack of energy, shortness of breath and tightness in the
throat or chest.* Sleep or appetite disturbances and absent-mindedness
may also be experienced by the bereaved.
The length and depth of the grief process depends on many factors; the
age of the owner and/or dog, the relationship between dog and owner and
the cir***stances surrounding the death are all contributory factors.*
Movements from one stage to another will depend on the affected
individual; some may progress quickly through all of the stages, some
may skip a stage or experience them in a different order.* Others may
become 'stuck' in a particular place and when this happens, the grieving
process can break down.* Professional or 'outside' help may then be
needed to guide the grieving owner towards acceptance and recovery.
What can you do to speed the healing process? Time is usually the
biggest healer for the grieving owner.* Grief comes in waves; large at
first, but getting smaller and less frequent over time.* However,
there are some ways to help to speed the healing process and these
include:
Give yourself permission to be patient with yourself Hold a memorial for
your dog
Learn about the grief process
Surround yourself with people who understand your loss ad who you can
talk to about your dog
Look after yourself physically and indulge yourself in small pleasures
Don't be ashamed or too proud to get help
Give yourself permission to be patient with yourself It's ok to be upset
about the death of your dog - other people won't know how much he/she
meant to you and so shouldn't tell you how long you are allowed to
mourn.* Take as long as you need and cry as much as you like.
Hold a memorial for your dog
This helps to make the loss real and gives you an opportunity to reflect
and express your feelings.* A brief funeral or memorial gathering with
close friends or family who knew your dog will give everyone an
opportunity to say goodbye and to recognise their feelings and share
there grief.
Learn about the grief process
This will help you to realise that you are not alone in experiencing
these emotions and feelings and that they are, in fact, perfectly
normal.
Surround yourself with people who understand your loss and who you can
talk to about your dog
Talking with others will help you to express your feelings and come to
terms.
Look after yourself physically and indulge yourself in small pleasures
Make an effort to get enough exercise, sleep and eat properly.* Treat
and pamper yourself.
Don't be ashamed or too proud to get help Contact a pet bereavement
councillor or attend a support group if you cannot cope alone or with
help from your friends or family.
Don't forget to memorialise your pet.* Plant a tree, put an engraved
stone in your pets favourite spot in the garden.
A DOG'S PRAYER


anyone who has loved and cared for an animal. "Treat me kindly, my
beloved master, for no heart in all the world is more grateful for
kindness than the loving heart of me. Do not break my spirit with a
stick, for though I should lick your hand between the blows, your
patience and understanding will more quickly teach me the things you
would have me do.
Speak to me often, for your voice is the world's sweetest music, as you
must know by the fierce wagging of my tail when your footstep falls upon
my waiting ear.
When it is cold and wet, please take me inside, for I am now a
domesticated animal, no longer used to bitter elements. And I ask no
greater glory than the privilege of sitting at your feet beside the
hearth.
Though had you no home, I would rather follow you through ice and snow
than rest upon the softest pillow in the warmest home in all the land,
for you are my god and I am your devoted worshipper. Keep my pan filled
with fresh water for although I should not reproach you were it dry, I
cannot tell you when I suffer thirst. Feed me clean food, that I might
stay well, to romp and play and do your bidding, to walk by your side,
and stand ready, willing and able to protect you with my life should
your life be in danger.
And, beloved master, should the great master see fit to deprive me of my
health or sight, do not turn me away from you. Rather hold me gently in
your arms as skilled hands grant me the merciful boon of eternal rest
--- and I will leave you knowing with the last breath I drew, my fate
was ever safest in your hands."
Many years ago, in 1869, Senator Vest represented in a lawsuit; a
plaintiff whose dog "Old Drum" had been wilfully and wantonly shot by a
neighbour. The defendant virtually admitted the shooting, but questioned
to the jury the $150 value plaintiff attributed to this mere animal. To
give his closing argument, George Vest rose from his chair, scowling,
mute, his eyes burning from under the slash of brow tangled as a g****
vine. Then he stepped sideways, hooked his ****** in his vest pockets,
his gold watch fob hanging motionless, it was that heavy. He looked,
someone remembered afterwards, taller than his actual 5 feet 6 inches,
and began in a quiet voice to deliver an extemporaneous oration. It was
quite brief, less than 400 words:
"Gentlemen of the jury: the best friend a man has in the world may turn
against him and become his worst enemy. His son or daughter that he has
reared with loving care may prove ungrateful. Those who are nearest and
dearest to us, those whom we trust with our happiness and our good name,
may become traitors to their faith. The money that man has, he may lose.
It flies away from him, perhaps when he needs it the most. A man's
reputation may be sacrificed in a moment of ill-considered action. The
people who are prone to fall on their knees to do us honour when success
is with us may be the first to throw the stone of malice when failure
settles its cloud upon our heads.
The one absolutely unselfish friend that a man can have in this selfish
world, the one that never deserts him and the one that never proves
ungrateful or treacherous... is his dog.
Gentlemen of the Jury: a man's dog stands by him in prosperity and in
poverty, in health and in sickness. He will sleep on the cold ground,
where the wintry winds blow and the snow drives fiercely, if only he may
be near his master's side. He will kiss the hand that has no food to
offer he will lick the wounds and sores that come in encounters with the
roughness of the world. He guards the sleep of his pauper master as if
he were a prince. When all other friends desert he remains. When riches
take wings and reputation falls to pieces, he is as constant in his love
as the sun in its journey through the heavens. If fortune drives the
master forth an outcast in the world, friendless and homeless, the
faithful dog asks no higher privilege than that of accompanying him to
guard against danger, to fight against his enemies, and when the last
scene of all comes, and death takes the master in its embrace and his
body is laid away in the cold ground, no matter if all other friends
pursue their way, there by his graveside will the noble dog be found,
his head between his paws, his eyes sad but open in alert watchfulness,
faithful and true even to death."
The jury deliberated less than two minutes then erupted in joint pathos
and triumph. The record becomes quite sketchy here, but some in
attendance say the plaintiff who had been asking $150, was awarded $500
by the jury. Little does that matter. The case was eventually appealed
to the Missouri Supreme Court, which refused to hear it. **** Ferguson,
the reported shooter of Old Drum, later moved to Oklahoma, where he
himself died of gunshot wounds in the town of Anadarko.