patty-anne

I am sitting in a lovely home my darling provided. I have a deck overlooking
the ocean and a garden full of flowers. There is not a thing I need in this
world but my husband, and he died of pancreatic cancer 8 months ago on Wed.
I have been doing well and not well in cycles. This is a definitely not well
cycle.
I had even hoped that somewhere down the road.. I might find someone who
could care for me and I could have a second chance at happiness, but for
some reason I don't feel that is likely either.
The aloneness is the hardest part to bear. I have no one to cook or shop
for. My house stays clean. There seems no purpose.
I guess I am on a pity party..
((hugs)) to all who need them..
patty-anne


--
patty-anne Lea
http://members.shaw.ca/income-tax/

josigha@aol.com

((((((Patsy)))))))....I adore pity parties-but it IS a bummer when I am the
only one there at mine! drats! lol! I think the pity parties are necessary-sort
of a way to give one permission to feel bad about something in their
life...you are still hurting from your dh dying, it is so understandable to
feel like you do-so please extra kind to yourself during these low times...I
hope you can find someone to love and be loved by-if that is what you want...I
messed up by getting remarried TOO soon after my first divorce-I didn't allow
myself to heal right and find out how to like myself and live by myself . Now I
am living in a bad marriage-won't divorce him but hope to hang in there intil I
retire in a few years-then maybe find a new home for myself -not really want
another man in my life except for my 2 sons...Jo

janie

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband on May 6,2003. My feelings
are similar to yours. I hope there will be another person in my life, but I
too feel that isn't likely.

It is good to know that you have a lovely home and don't have a lot of needs
except for lost loved husband. I am left with a very bad situation (not
going into details here) and am overwhelmed with all the decisions and
changes that are going to be necessary.

The aloneness is so difficult to bear. It is the worst part for me.
Feeling that I will alone for the rest of my life makes me feel like dying.
I don't have family, children, or grandchildren for any support. I am truly
alone and hope you have some family or close friends to support you as you
travel the road of your grief journey. Post often and share your feelings.
It may help to just express how you are feeling.

lost in love

My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are not alone Patty. I lost my
husband 10 months ago next Thursday. My loss was sudden. He walked out of
the house to help a neighbor take down a tree, and never returned...I too am
so alone. Our families are 12 hours away, and I don't find too much comfort
with them. None of them have a clue about what we, here, are going through.
I am so much more comfortable lurking in here with those I can identify
with.

I seem to have just emerged from my last really bad time. It lasted several
weeks, and when I wasn't at work all I did was cry and sleep fitfully. Then
one day I felt better again. I know it is temporary too, but I was
beginning to wonder if I'd ever be on the up side again.

I used to worry about finding someone again down the road, not wanting to be
alone for the rest of my life. But I never believed you could look for
love, and I still don't. I don't think about it too much now. It is for me
way too soon anyway. I'm still too close to my first love to be fair to
anyone else. And if there is no one else, that will be alright. I know
I've already had the best, I can wait to be with him again.

But you are so right- who would ever think that walking through the men's
store would bring pain? I hardly cook at all anymore. I seem to have found
my appetite again, but am prone to eating what makes me feel good, not
what's good for me. My house became an apartment, so there's virtually no
upkeep- just give it a "lick and a promise" on the weekend and I'm good to
go.

Next week I get to celebrate my husband's birthday and our
anniversary...what a good time that will be, eh?

May we all share the peace our loved ones have been given.

- Judy

hatty

Its only 8 months patty-anne. I know its hard and I do know how empty and
lonely life can feel. But at the moment you are lonely for him, for your
husband. Somewhere down the road - there is someone - and when the time is
right - and probably when you least expect it - he will make himself known
to you.

I was a complete mess at 8 months. My advice to you is to gently build your
new life for *you*, just you. Shop and cook for you. Friends, socialising,
interests, leisure - to give you some focus - some reason to get up and face
a day - if only to respond to e-mails or meet people for a quick drink or a
coffee or at the library.

But do allow yourself your pity party - I know I got so fed up of myself -
weary of my endless crying and feeling hopeless - but it was something I
needed to go through,

take care

hatty

hatty

My thoughts will be with you, Judy, while you face these difficult first
anniversaries coming up. The anniversaries are hard. As each passes it feels
like more distance has been put between us and our loved one. Painful
reminders of our loss (as if we need reminding).

You will get through this - you will find a way to live with your grief, its
like learning to live with a disability. Always there, always underneath
every feeling, every action. Its such a painful journey - one step forward
and two steps back. But you will get through.

I learnt to live *with* my grief, not live without my partner. It was
unthinkable that I would meet someone else but five years.......nearly six
years.......and I am in a happy relationship with lots of hope for my
future. But I went through a lot of pain and soul searching to get here.

hugs

hatty

daniel

((((((( patty-anne )))))))

--
Daniel
deltaechomike@usa.net


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anna

I visited this newsgroup five years ago when my son died. How it has
changed. With all the "trolls" it is a wonder that good people post their
grief. It seems truly that "nothing is sacred" in this world, not even
grief. It's unfortunate because it discourages compassionate others to even
look at asg.
My heart goes out to all of you out there who has suffered a loss.
You have my utmost respect , and I honour your loss and your grief.

lisa

Anna,
We were here together. I was grieving the death of my husband. There were a
lot more people here then. I pray this group continues and grows again.
Delete buttons take care of the unkind ones. I'll continue to be here.
Lisa B

rtrustngod

I started visiting this place when my 18 year old son died back in '96 and even
back then, I found some people love to come here among other places just to
make
fun of people grieving or ?....
But I felt the good outweighed the bad and yes, I tend to ignore those I cannot
understand their "logic" or their
"dumness" so I ignore them and hope they go away but am glad the ones that
truly care stay!......(unless they decide it is time for them to move on
or?)...Sue