yodergoat@hotmail.com

Vanessa,
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I can relate very much to your
story... I had my second miscarriage in May, and we had thought
everything was fine until we went in for an ultrasound at 9.5 weeks.
We were so expectant and happy, absolutely jubilant that we would get
to see our baby. With the first miscarriage, I lost the baby at five
weeks and so never got to see it. I don't have to tell you how excited
we were to be getting the ultrasound, because I know that you
understand. And I don't have to say how devestating it was to see just
a little sack when you expected a little baby with a beating heart...
because you know. I do understand how you felt that day, and I would
wish the pain of suddenly discovering such an awful thing upon no one.
I still have horrid memories of being on the ultrasound table and
seeing the screen, waiting for the technician to tell me something,
ANYTHING good. I screamed and writhed, I cried and shook and could not
contain my grief. It was perhaps the singular most horrible moment in
all my life, and last night my husband compared how he felt at that
moment to how he felt when he learned his mother was dying.

I can't believe that your brother and sister-in-law would dare show
you the ultrasound, knowing how much it would hurt you. Of course they
are happy about their pregnancy, but that was just harsh. It must have
brought back some terrible memories for you, and I am so completely
sorry.

Please, please take care. I hope you will be feeling better soon.
-Shawna

(posted and mailed)

donna

Vanessa, I so know what you are going through. Altho my loss just happened
on the 23rd it doesn't change the hurt and feelings that we all would have.
I know they didn't mean to hurt you, that's not anyone's intention. Some
people, I've noticed don't even know how to deal with this stuff or know
what to say. I do think it might have been too soon to show you such a
thing. I know that its so hard for me to even watch tv sometimes b/c of all
the commercials with the pregnant women and the babies. It just breaks my
heart. I get so angry and mad and think Why the hell did this happen to me?
I think if it was just words it would have been better than showing you
something like that. I'm so sorry that you had to go through that and I
hope you are feeling a bit better today. My thoughts are with you and hope
that days get better.

I'm actually very scared by reading this message from you. I just want the
hurt to go away like instantly.. I don't want to feel anymore pain.. and I
tend to think I can be so strong and it will just go away at the drop of a
hat.. but it seems that it doesn't. To know that you and everyone else
still has strong pain from their loss.. it really scares me. I hope it gets
better.

Take Care.
D.

chele

Vanessa,

I am so sorry that you are having a rough time. It is very difficult to
have friends and family be pregnant around you, in the wake of losing your
baby. It must have been extremely hard for you to see the ultrasound
picture...as it triggered such powerful sadness, bringing it all back,
everything you went through.

Hang in there,
--
Chele
Co-Moderator
soc.support.pregnancy.loss

vanessa f

Thanx everyone for replying. I'm feeling much better now. It was all just
the shock of the situation with the u/s. Being able to talk to you is so
helpful. I'm also so lucky because my husband and best friend are so
supportive. I don't know what I'd do without them or my Mum.

Thanx again everyone.
Big hugs for everyone.

V.