dirty harry

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like
and hum that
instead.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking
clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen.
Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank
statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
red wine? Simply
drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
to yourself via
DHL. You will never see it again.

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the
bin.

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you
desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from
having to do
it.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
by Royal Mail.

BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small
horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by
not wearing
heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
horn and wave your
arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on
their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the
house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply
move it all back
again.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be
hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
simply shout
'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

JEREMY BEADLE: When selling DVD's on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger
hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE MEN: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Topshop
with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally
glancing
inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
into boiling
water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3
miles, phone your
wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a
large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the
countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking ******s. Most men couldn't give a
damn anyway and
you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.
--

Disgusting irresistable Dirty Harry

nella van zalk

:-)

dirty harry

DON'T waste money on expensive ipods. Simply think of your favourite
tune and hum it.
If you want to "switch tracks", simply think of another song you like
and hum that
instead.

RAPPERS: Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by
actually speaking
clearly in the first place.

DON'T waste money on expensive paper shredders to avoid having your
identity stolen.
Simply place a few dog turds in the bin bags along with your old bank
statements.

WORRIED that your teeth will be stained after a heavy night drinking
red wine? Simply
drink a bottle of white wine before going to bed to remove the stains.

MURDERERS: Need to dispose of a body? Simply parcel it up and post it
to yourself via
DHL. You will never see it again.

EMPLOYERS: Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the
CVs into the
bin.

MEN: When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to
the volume you
desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from
having to do
it.

GAMBLERS: For a new gambling opportunity, try sending £50 to yourself
by Royal Mail.

BANGING: two pistachio nutshells together gives the impression that a
very small
horse is approaching.

BLIND PEOPLE: Give yourself at least a chance of seeing something by
not wearing
heavy dark glasses all the time.

ALCOHOL: makes an ideal substitute for happiness.

DRIVERS: If a car breaks down or stalls in front of you, beep your
horn and wave your
arms frantically. This should help the car start and send them on
their way.

PREVENT burglars stealing everything in the house by simply moving
everything in the
house into your bedroom when you go to bed. In the morning, simply
move it all back
again.

CAR thieves: Don't be discouraged when nothing is on view. All the
valuables may be
hidden in the glove box or under a seat.

DEPRESSED people: Instead of attempting suicide as a 'cry for help',
simply shout
'Help!' thus saving money on paracetamol, etc.

JEREMY BEADLE: When selling DVD's on your TV advert, hold the disks in
your bigger
hand so that they do not appear to be the size of laser disks.

SHOES last twice as long if only worn every other day.

SINGLE MEN: Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing
outside Topshop
with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally
glancing
inside.

BOIL an egg to perfection without costly egg timers by popping the egg
into boiling
water and driving away from your home at exactly 60 mph. After 3
miles, phone your
wife and tell her to take the egg out the pan.

ALCOHOLICS: don't worry where the next drink is coming from. Go to the
pub, where a
large selection is available at retail prices.

McDONALD'S: Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend
in with the
countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.

WOMEN: Don't waste energy faking ******s. Most men couldn't give a
damn anyway and
you could use the saved energy to hoover the house afterwards.
--

Disgusting irresistable Dirty Harry

nella van zalk

:-)