andy kimbrey

I've wanted to post an update on me, but I'm really unable to. I can't
tell my thoughts apart at the moment and it's tearing my psyche apart
right now. I think it's because I think in absolutes all the time: like
I should either give up smoking or keep smoking, there's no middle
ground of cutting down. Stuff like that. I don't know whether this is
the way I've been conditioned or just the way I am, but it's something I
need to break. My CPN is ill AGAIN so I can't speak to her until Monday
about this. Oh well, these things happen I guess...

Anyway, that's kinda my update: I am confused by my thoughts... I'll
post more the more I come to understand myself.

Keep the faith all.

Andy Kimbrey

fallout

Hi Andy, Don't sweat things for the next few days and try to calm yourself
as much as possible. i'm glad you're going to see your CPN on Monday. Just
try your best to relax and not make any major decisions between now and
then.
You are always in my prayers (i hope that does not offend you) and i hope
that you can stay safe until you see your doctor/CPN.
Take care Andy and stay safe.
tom

peter clarke

Hi Andy ,
Don't knock yourself down too much , you are doing really well
.. depression IS a long term illness, with no quick fixes . take one day at a
time and you will come through this . you have made all the right moves and
are really thinking this through as logically as you can . look at how well
you did regarding moving homes , that was hell of a brave thing to do Andy
and I admire your strength .
With regards to the smoking , I have strong views on this one as you can
imagine , but in your own time Andy , I used to sit under my tree in the
woods, puffing away , I really found it relaxing . take care bud , and stay
strong when you can . Peter .

andy kimbrey

Thank you for your words Peter and Tom. My friends have been over all
weekend but I've been in my room playing FFXI all the time, just trying
to escape. I had a massive buildup of anger on Friday and had to take
one of my pills to calm me dow (forgotten what they're called, but
they're antipsychomotor drugs usually for Alzheimers or Parkinson's
disease). They knocked me back a bit and I just wanted to be alone. I
hit a brick wall on the way home, no scars, but a small bruise on my
knuckle. Not enough to cover up.

Today I was walking into town and I thought... Yeah, everyone goes
through patches. Everone gets knocked back sometimes, the important
thing is that we bounce back. I haven't bounced back, but I'm speaking
to my CPN on Monday, I'm going to get re-referred to councilling... I'm
starting to bounce back. And sometimes, I just wanna be on my own.
There's nothing wrong with that.

Two other things. I think I've decided on a career. I'd like to be an
author, because it's something I'd enjoy doing, and something I've
dabbled in, but also something that'd fit my lifestyle as I like it at
the moment. I'm going to ask my CPN about becoming an author and see how
I break into that kind of career. I've also been screened for
self-assertion classes, but they said there's nothing about me that
suggests I need to be more assertive, as I'm mainly focussing on my
thoughts and emotions whereas assertion is to do with behaviours. But
they are going to screen me for something called Drama Therapy, which is
all about emotions and thoughts and self-expression, which is something
I'm more interested in at the moment. I guess I am bouncing back after
all

Keep the faith, and thank you again Tom and Peter

Andy Kimbrey


Bon Jovi - Bounce
--- ---- - ------

I been knocked down so many times
Counted out 6, 7, 8, 9
Written off like some bad deal
If you're breathing you know how it feels
Call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don't give a-

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

This ain't no game; I play it hard
Kicked around, cut, stitched and scarred
I'll take the hit but not the fall
I know no fear, still standing tall
You can call it karma, call it luck
Me, I just don't give a-

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

Bounce!

Bring it on, I like it rough
In your face, I call your bluff
It ain't karma, it ain't luck
Me, I just don't give a-

Bounce, Bounce Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

Bounce, Bounce
Nothing's gonna keep me down
Bounce, Bounce Stand up, shout it out
Bounce, Bounce I play hard, I play to win
Count me out, count me in
I'll be bouncing back again

sheldon

I have many "normie" friends" who can only thing in terms of black and
white, and as you've found it can be very destructive.

Just try to remember that we live in a world filled with grey areas, even
colors when you can see them, and very few things are completely black and
white. For example, you can't be a "little" pregnant, but you can certainly
cut back a bit on your smoking.

--

Sheldon
sheldon@sopris.net