frederick g young

Gwen,
Actually I've been doing some living, something I haven't done for many
years. When I go to Canada to see June, that's once a month for about 10
days, we enjoy being together and I try to make the visit as enjoyable as
possible. Things seem to have settled down with June now and I honestly
believe she is far happier in the nursing home than when she was at home.
She can interact with more people and that fills her day. She forgets what
went on the day before, and so every day is a new day. She is becoming much
more childlike than ever before, but in a pleasant and benign way. She talks
to her stuffed animals just like they were pets or children. Much like a
child would talk to her dolls. I go along with it and it becomes something
of an amusing game. We take short trips down to the Lake and just sit around
while I play Mum. She accepts the fact that I come and go, and she enjoys
the time we have together.
When I'm back in Wisconsin I actually find time to engage in some social
life. That is between endeavoring to get rid of the clutter that has
ac***ulated in the house over the past 40 years or so. It's hard to throw
away things that have memories attached to them, and everything seems to
have an attachment. Even the most mundane items. By splitting everything
into three categories and with some help the place is looking bigger. It's
either Keep, donate, or garbage. It's a job you need help to do, because
alone you tend to only have one category........Keep! Much of the stuff the
kids don't want and have no room for it even if they wanted it. It seems
that no sooner do I get stuck into all the various projects relating to
bringing about change, than it's time to head off to Canada in the
motorhome. Life seems to go by a hell of a lot faster than it used to. Then
again maybe that's just the effect of age. I've actually been dancing a
couple of times. The hip performed magnificently and nobody would even
suspect my bionic secrets. I can't believe I'm on my way to eighty next
year. Never thought I'd make it. I've stopped thinking about my possibly
dying. I'm too busy living. <G> Before I was just surviving, and that with
some desperation.

Best regards
Frederick

fargo

Butt out, Babe! Obviously, you do not know Dennis "Plonk" Harris.

mary_gordon@tvo.org (mary

We sold my MILs car within weeks of her having to give up her driving
(the doctor reported her, the license ministry sent her a letter
saying she'd have to redo her test, we got her the test books....and I


Just goes to my feeling that good seniors housing should be located in
the thick of urban areas, or on main street of small towns so they can
WALK to services, or catch a bus or a cab. When my mother in law had
to stop driving, she was still in walking distance to a small mall
with everything she needed right there (pharmacy, grocery store,
restaurants, a Walmart like store etc.)

I have a lot of relatives whose talked about their ideal retirement
place as being in the middle of nowhere - which is great when you are
young and healthy, but just awful for anyone older. Much better to be
close to stores, doctors, parks, the library, etc. for a good quality
of life and maintaining independence.

Mary G.

songbird

Believe me -- you're right. My parents retired three years ago to a lovely,
remote lake. So remote they can't even get a daily newspaper delivered. So
remote they can't get a cell phone for emergency use in the car. So remote
they must drive an hour to a doctor.

Wednesday night they decided "Enough." First of the year, they are moving to
an apartment in my hometown, where they can walk to a bank and hairdresser,
there is van service to the doctor, pharmacy and grocery store, and I can
handle longer trips for them. (For those of you who have been following my
pursuit of the elusive diagnosis for my mother, this decision is the latest
step!)

Remote: great for vacation, lousy for retirement.

Songbird

broruss@hotmail.com (rev. russell

No problem Beth. First off, the small-town atty apparently forgot to
have mom check one of the two boxes on the Health Care Directive,
which indicates whether she would want to be kept alive indefinitely
or just kept comfortable and allowed to pass on, were she to be in a
brain-dead or vegetative type state. This is a very important do***ent
for anyone, with our without AD, to have prepared along with their
will and things like that, even if you are still fairly young. And
this genius let Mom walk out of his office with NEITHER BOX CHECKED to
indicate her wishes. The other thing... on the the main financial
power of attorney, there is a place where your MIL can indicate
whether or not she wants to allow her Personal Representative to make
"gifts" to go to the children or whichever family members will be
caring for her. The wording must allow this if you wish to be able to
move liquid assets out of her name and into a reserve account, so that
all her assets don't get burned up on nursing home care, and so that
she will be eligible for Medicaid assistance sooner. (You have to
think... does your MIL really want nothing to be left for her kids
after she dies? How are you going to pay for her funeral? and so on)
This is a touchy issue, because sadly there are those who would take
advantage of the situation and not put the AD victim's needs first.
Plus the laws are complex and confusing and are different in every
state. Only an elder law attorney will even touch this subject with a
ten-foot pole, not the Area Agency on Aging or the Alz Association or
any others, because everyone is terrified of giving bad advice and
getting sued. The attorneys who really know how all this works will be
on a list you can get from the Alz Association, with a very big
disclaimer at the bottom saying that this list "doesn't constitute an
endor*****t". From this list, you can pick an attorney who specializes
in this area intensely, who works every single day with families that
are trying to plan ahead with this strange and cruel disease. A brief
chat on the phone with the atty will clue you in on whether he really
knows in depth how AD works and keeps up with the very latest changes
in the law, or if he is just a complacent paper-shuffler with a
friendly rap who happens to do estate planning for old people. The
small-town boob that did our first power of attorney was the latter.

evelyn ruut

Wow, I am so grateful that Ida never learned to drive!

My father is 90 and his mind is fine, it is his reflexes and driving skills
that are beginning to slip. He has had a couple of minor, but close calls
recently. There is an old friend who lives at the house with him, who is
elderly also, and she does most of the driving now. We are truly hoping we
don't have to convince him at some point to give up driving, but that he
realizes it himself. It looks like he is nearing that point. But we are
fortunate in that he has all his wits about him, even at 90. I know there
are no guarantees..... many people have developed some form of dementia at
later ages.

--

Evelyn

"Since everything is but an apparition, perfect in being what it is, having
nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst
into laughter." -Longchenpa

evelyn ruut

Russell there are lots more. Write me personally off group if you would
like more information or book recommendations. There are even quite a few
newsgroups you could look in on. I use my real email address these days.
--

Evelyn

"Since everything is but an apparition, perfect in being what it is, having
nothing to do with good or bad, acceptance or rejection, one may well burst
into laughter." -Longchenpa

gwen love

Songbird, pray all goes well with your parent's move the first of the year.
Gwen
-----------------------
Right is right, even if everyone is against it; and wrong is wrong, even if
everyone is for it.
- William Penn

dpharris@gci.net (dennis p.

My paternal grandfather was not only lucid and healthy, but quite
strong and vigorous until 4 days before his death at age 99 and 6
months. he was lifting 30 lb rocks for his rock garden (a normal
exercise for him, he also walked at least a mile every day)
the morning before he took an after-lunch nap, didn't wake up,
and died 4 days later.

he was a retired college professor with a mid-life doctorate and
was sharp as a tack until that nap, if his last journal entry a
few minutes before is any clue.