gizzigidget

My T'pist says I have depersonilization disorder, not DID...but.....i
don't understand.
If i *dont* have DID, then how do I explain Marissa, Nolly, Amy and
the countless Other's I've had in my past? How do I explain the mood
swings, the three s**c*d* attempts that *I* didn't make? How do I
explain being in one part of the house 1 min and at Kroger the next?
How do I explain Techno/Trance bringing Amy out and my S.O. talking
baby-talk bringing out Nolly? How do I explain getting trim and losing
weight when I haven't been exercising? Or waking up and having my S.O
trying to calm me down from a Nightmare I don't remember having?

And just what is Depersonilization Disorder anyway?

I just dont understand.

~Giz

soft

Hello Giz,

Perhaps this website can help explain Depersonalization
Disorder for you. http://www.depersonalization.info/ Also, I'd
like to suggest talking with your T and asking how sie is
coming to this diagnosis. GL.

SofT

j.l. thomas

hello again.

a diagnosis is a starting point for a professional, a way to
say "these symptoms seem to fit this syndrome".

you are exactly who and what you are, regardless of whatever
label may be applied to you.

my last pdoc didn't believe that i'm multiple...which
certainly didn't help *me* to believe it! she told me that
she'd definitely feel comfortable diagnosing me with
depersonalization disord, but that because i don't
experience dissociative fugue (ie: waking up in another city
and not knowing how i got there, for example), i can't have
DID.

my t'pst said that he doesn't know whether i have DID or
not, and that it doesn't matter. this is as good a
framework as any for me to work out the problems I have, and
so we'll use this for as long as it seems useful.

i am one person: Jennifer L. Thomas.
i just happen to be subdivided into a bunch of distinct
parts.
There's nothing that says i can't.

a label is small stuff. don't sweat the small stuff.
*kind thoughts*

jt

jill

Hi, not sure I've said hi yet, so hi

Think of dissociation on a continuum, from none to lots.
All of it is dissociation but in order to get any give label you
have to meet very specific criteria. It really doesn't matter what
you call it cause it's all the same in terms of treatment for the
problems and how you function and so on. Your t'pist has a book (or
should called the DSM. Ask to see it and read up on the
specifics (the book is also available at any decently large
bookstore like borders or barnes and noble and probly at your local
library) so you can see exactly what makes up each label. You can
also has your t'pist directly to say why you get one label over
another.

But in the end it really doesn't matter _what_ you call it, healing
is the same, living with it is the same, what you decide to do in
the long run is the same, etc.

If you want more let me know and I'll dig up my copy of the DSM and
quote the imporant parts to you. Oh, it's probly on the web
somewhere as well...

Rainbow Colors (Jill)


--
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The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
jill@tuells.org

j.l. thomas

hey there...

^^^^^ ok, so this is you saying hi, yes?


you're not?? ...man are you dissy. *shakes head sadly*


well, i'm sure glad you cleared that up. i think you can
safely say that you have that whole "hi" thing covered.
yup! *done*. Scratch it off the list.

<---is a wiseash today.


yes. i concur.

this is a neat idea. T's and pdocs seem highly reluctant to
give the dx of DID - which is probably good, i suppose.
labels *can* affect the way a client feels about themselves,
both adversely and positively. i think (imho) the dx of DID
can be especially freaky to someone, *especially* early on
in their tx history. it seems to be one of the dx's that
makes a person think "argh! this means i really *am*
crazy!!!", which isn't a productive line of thought.

i, personally, gave up sanity for Lint a couple of years
ago, and liked it so much that I chose never to take it
back. People can think i'm as crazy as they'd like: I
don't care. I'm happier without my sanity.

it most certainly is.
this site has a good summary of the various dissociative
disorders, imho, drawn from the DSM:
http://www.mosaicminds.org/rroom/diag_crit.html . happy reading. jt

<11440772.0308200945.641e1545@posting.google.com>,

trim and losing

having my S.O

having?


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mixing

wandurur

X-No-Archive: yes


Ok, so what does the squiggle mark mean? (keeping in the sp*rit of the
moment) We like the squiggle, btw.


Seriously, we breathed a sigh of relief to an extent when we found out. It
was like there WAS an explanation for a life that seemed to contain so many
mysteries.

Just for balance, we'll say that we find it easier to think we are not
crazy. We think we are "wounded" to an extreme and healing. Everything
makes sense for us within the context of our life, no matter how it looks
from the outside.

Another county heard from, Ladyoeoeoeoeoeoeooeeoeoeoooeoe

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jill

No, _this_ is me saying 'hi'. _That_ was me saying 'Hi' *wicked grin*


I am? I thought I was cured. Dang!


Scratch what off the list?

*innocent look* I am, as fritz says, 'messing with your head'


TODAY??!!!??? As opposed to what? when?

Good, I was worried you wouldn't.


Yeah, if they call it anything else they don't have to do group
t'py, but once they say 'did' then it's group t'py time!

See, I knew it
Rainbow Colors (Jill)


--
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++
The colors blend, the edges soften. Swirling and mixing
we are becoming white light.
jill@tuells.org

j.l. thomas

ROTFL!!!

*hee hee*

*hugs jill just cuz she's cool n funny n i like her n stuff*
(if ok)

:-D

Glo (jt)


<3e51b.5334$Nc.3381227@news1.news.adelphia.net>,

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ++++++++

mixing

j.l. thomas

X-No-Archive: yes

greetings.

i am depressed to the point where sitting upright is
arduous; yet i know that suc***bing to sleeping 14+ hrs a
day only worsens things, and so i must stay upright.

i say this so that you will know that my response is not up
to par, imho.

it's meant to indicate the text immediately above it; to
wit: the "Hi" in Jill's original message.
<snip> i


i hung out with a multiple when i was 18-19, and hearing him
describe his selves prompted the same response you
described. i id'd a few of us and named them (Thomas,
Kitty, Jenny & JT), and was delighted with the ease of
thought this allowed. However, I broached the idea with my
pdoc shortly thereafter, who did some tests and then wanted
me to see a specialist. i was terrified, figuring that they
would figure out i was "just faking" ("well of *course*
there's nothing wrong with me. i'm just lazy."), and
convinced my pdoc that i was kidding, and that it was just
an easier way of thinking of myself...but really, i wasn't
actually multiple.

i spent 10 years believing that i wasn't multiple, though
Thomas always knew we were. I could even talk about "going
into Thomas-mode". And, of course, there was "dyenths" - my
playful, childlike persona. Then there was my "inner
child", of course, who on some days I would name Jenny, and
on other days not name at all. There were days when it just
didn't seem appropriate to call that inner child "Jenny".
It wasn't her name, on those days. And, of course,
Kitty-mode was always available, but that was just me
flirting. I wasn't really multiple, you see. These were
just different facets of my personality. *rolls eyes*

anyways, i finally figured out, about 3 years ago, that i
really *am* multiple, when i made things safe enough in my
head that i switched to a "mode" that was CLEARLY someone
I'd been before, but was NOT "Jen" ...cuz i could hear jen
freaking out in another part of my head...and who was *i*,
that i was hearing jen and could tell that the kid we'd
become wasn't Jen? but i digress...and this mode that I'd
switched to that was *not* Jen was VERY VERY YOUNG.

and so pitifully grateful that we'd found a way to make it
so she could be good again...

why are we talking about this? i'm getting frightfully maudlin.

my T explains me to me in exactly the same way - he's said
more than once that the more he understands what goes on in
my head, the less crazy i seem. "You're not crazy, honey.
You just got hurt."

(i want frank.)

(i want frank, cuz he calls me honey, n he cares about me, n
he's always really nice to me.)

....
well, at least the children are surfacing again. they've
been gone for several days. i cannot fathom the purpose of
calling our T on a friday night, simply because an urchin
within wants to hear his voice and have him be nice to her.
Not that comforting her is without merit. But i am not
experiencing an emergency state, and thus don't need him. i
merely want him. rather, the urchin does, of course.

it appears as though our main problem right now stems from
not feeling sufficiently important.

regardless, for now i must be off. my plotting to keep me
from being too depressed has resulted in an arrangement to
go for coffee with a friend. i must be off.
Socrates/Luc, for jt


to do in the long

house 1 min and at

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mixing we are becoming

wandurur

X-No-Archive: yes

Hiya,


Sorry to hear that. Been there, know how horrible it is.

Ok. We were just joking around, as we thought you were with Jill.
Except for the part about liking the squiggle.

By the time we had any idea we were MPD, we were 46. Sometimes that seems
SO frustrating to us. Seems we were too busy running from fears that all
the bad stuff might be true. Since I'm sure others here would say the same
thing, I suppose it doesn't explain why it took so long in our case.


As we told you in email we are trying to get through the 29th and 30th as on
two of the past 3 years, we broke b*nes on one or the other of those days.
Bad breaks in both cases. One requiring surgery and a few days in the
hospital.

Our T is going out of town, but we can email if the 'puter stays up and
working. But we talked about it and will be working on helping young ones
to make pictures of how we will be on Sept 1, as in whole and healthy
physically especially in this case.

Digression. Anyhow in both cases we didn't recall the moment when we
tripped, but seemed to "come to" half way through the fall, early enough to
know it was gonna be bad, too late to make any kind of compensating move to
avoid the ensuing damages.

We won't get into the retraumatizing that happened in a number of ways.
Suffice it for now to say that we absolutely, positively can and will not
allow it to happen again, ever, ever, ever. (please, please, please....)
Ladyoeoeoeeoeooe and Owlgangoeoeoeoeeo

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