wcpi46

Hello everyone,

I'm having quite a problem and am not sure what to do. My mom, as you
know, is in the nursing home. This is the third week. She's doing as well as
can
be expected. She's much clearer since going off the Risperdal. She's making
progress - slow but still good - with her physical therapy. She still won't
eat, but they keep her filled with Ensure. I sit with her each afternoon and so

far we've had no big scenes about her going home. However, I'm having a really
tough time. I don't know if I've adjusted to being alone or not, but I seem to
have no purpose. I get up, sit around and watch TV, get ready and go to the
see Mom, come back home, sit around and watch TV and go to bed. We are having
apartment inspections week after next, and I just sit and look at the mess. I
never go out. Only to pick up prescriptions, to the P.O. or the market. I don't

talk much on the phone. I feel like I'm in a state of nothingness.
Do I need professional help? I already take a medication for depression. I
really don't feel I have anything to look forward to, and I'm not happy. I
don't
think I'll ever be happy. I'm eating sweets like they're going out of style.
I'm stuck. In a rut. Suspended animation. Oh, I don't know what's wrong. I'd
appreciate your input. You always seem to know what's going on and are always
such a help.

Thanks,
Becky

evelyn ruut

Dear Becky,

You have been a caregiver for so long you have forgotten how to be YOU. I
am familiar with the feeling. Caregiver depression and emotional burnout
are well do***ented experiences and none of us are exempt. My advice to
you is simple.

Get out of the house. Take a brisk walk every single morning. Watch
every little thing out there and be sure and get lots of air into your lungs
when doing it. Exercise releases endorphins, natures own
anti-depressants. I guarantee you that you will feel a lot better and more
energetic afterwards.

Also eat right. Don't buy the junk and then you won't eat it.

Help someone else who is in need. Nothing takes our mind off our troubles
as quickly. I belong to the Rotary club. Nothing in the world is so
fulfilling as getting busy on a global level.

Join the Alzheimers support groups locally and GO. You may not be aware of
it but you have amassed a wealth of wisdom from being a caregiver that can
mean the world to someone new to this. Now that your mom is in a nursing
home, you still need support yourself. Give some and get some.....

Keep busy. Keep an agenda book, and fill it up with lunches with friends,
meetings, any excuse to get out and about.

Indulge yourself in a few totally selfish things. A massage, a pedicure, a
manicure, a new haircut, a new outfit.

Maybe after a week or two of this, you will feel more able to tackle the
apartment. OH! and when you do tackle it, see if you can't get someone to
help you with the job, even if all they do is sit and help you sort things
out. It makes a daunting task so much easier.

There is no miracle cure for how you feel, but you have to make your own
miracles sometimes.

--
Evelyn

(To reply to me personally, remove sox)

songbird

I find that after an emotionally draining experience -- like finding a good
placement for your mom and caring for her -- I have a few weeks of what I
call "postpartum depression." It's like all the resources I mustered to get
me through whatever have just drained away. The adrenaline is gone, and bam,
I'm flat. It usually passes quickly (after lots of sleep, my panacea) and I
can sometimes jumpstart the recovery by tackling some physical project that
I've been wanting to do but doesn't take much brainpower, like painting a
room.

That being said, medication and talk therapy work best together. "I don't
think I'll ever be happy" is a classic statement of depression. I think it
would be a very good idea for you to talk to a therapist, if for no other
reason than to sort through the issues surrounding your mom's illness. You
may find just a few sessions will get you back on track, or you may find
there are deeper issues you need to spend more time on. I have found my
antidepressant to be a true miracle, but I still need a person to help me
sort things out from time to time. As a matter of fact, right now I am
lining up an appointment to talk about some of the parents' stuff -- why
wait to get blindsided by an unexpected emotional speedbump, esp. if it
comes at a time when they need me most, I figure.

The fact that you realize you have a problem is very perceptive and wise of
you. Now put that good brain to work with a good therapist, and I would not
be surprised if some flashes of happiness start working their way into your
life.

Songbird

bdetrs

You mentioned you are on medication for depression....may I ask what
kind and dosage?...I have bipolar disorder and part of that is
depression and from what you described that what it sounds like to
me....you are going through a big adjustment so it is to be
expected....may I suggest a call to doc....perhaps a change in meds or
dose may help...JMO...Boydette

gwen love

I agree with Boydette. A change of meds might be in order. When Grayson
was so depressed with AD, he could not take those that are most prescribed,
but when the doc gave him Wellbutrin, it worked. It is quite different
from most of the others. Call your doctor.
Gwen

==================================
Big shots are only little shots who keep shooting.
Christopher Morley
Writer


| You mentioned you are on medication for depression....may I ask what
| kind and dosage?...I have bipolar disorder and part of that is
| depression and from what you described that what it sounds like to
| me....you are going through a big adjustment so it is to be
| expected....may I suggest a call to doc....perhaps a change in meds or
| dose may help...JMO...Boydette
|

ksera

Dear Becky,

Evelyn & Songbird gave you great advice. Force yourself to get out &
about---I feel better after just running to the stores on simple
errands. When you're out, buy yourself a bouquet of fresh
flowers---nothing perks me up more than that! I don't know your
dosage or what type of medicine you're on, but I had to have mine
increased after being on it for a couple years .

Always,

Char

dpharris

On 20 Nov 2003 17:44:57 GMT in alt.support.alzheimers,

craving sweets and carbs is a very well known symptom of
depression. if you are on medication now, you may need a change
of dosage or a different drug. you *do* need professional help
to help you determine what drug/dosage would help, and probably
some counseling because you are *grieving* for your mother.

it's normal for someone grieving to be depressed for a while.
you're grieving because mom isn't at home any more, and you've
lost her. unfortunately, with AD you often end up grieving
before the patient is dead, because they are no longer there in
any sense except the physical body.

i suggest contacting your local hospice and asking about their
grief counseling program. if you explain about your mom's
dementia and putting her into care they should understand and
respond accordingly.

mare

Hi Becky,
Along with the advice you've gotten about changing meds and seeing someone I
think you should give yourself a break. 3 weeks is not a long time to completely
change your lifestyle. You've been caring for your Mom for a long while 24/7
right. Besides recovering by getting some rest your whole schedule and level of
alertness has changed. Think of it as post traumatic, it takes time to start
thinking about you again. It took me at least a year to not have little panic
attacks when I was doing something and all of a sudden thought that I should be
somewhere to "take care of Mom". She was perfectly safe but my clock hadn't
reset yet. I know you want to enjoy your Mom while you can but you really really
need to take a few days off for yourself. She will be fine and enjoying her
while you can could go on for a very long time. I did the same thing when my Mom
first went into a NH but that was a few years ago and I do still enjoy the time
with her but now I also enjoy time for me. It's hard I know but try it a few
times and see if you can stand it.
--

Mare
mfcoleman@THEOLEmindspring.com
http://www.muggsmulcher.com/kstuff/a.s.a/intro.htm
alt.support.alzheimers' FAQs and Stuff Pages

I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off

barb

I think you are reacting quite normally, Becky and am sure I will be the
same when the time comes. After looking after someone 24/7 there isn't much
time to think about yourself and it will take some adjustment.

Try to watch the sweet eating as you may regret that later, but try and
relax. Any chance of a nice massage or something or at least a hot bath in
a relaxed atmosphere with no one to worry about.

Barb in UK

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