angela

I don't mind the questions at all ~ to be honest I really didn't know until
we had spent two or three months together that things could get pretty
serious. As for him possibly not taking things too well ~ that's something
that did enter my mind. But, deep down I knew that if he was the right
person for me that he would understand. If he had run from me because of
fear then that would have just told me that we were not meant to be in the
long run. After all ~ we do deserve the best that life has to offer and we
only get to live it this once. Know what I mean? There is absolutely nothing
wrong with putting *** on the back burner while you are getting to know
somebody. I don't feel you are leading her on at all ~ you have a right to
get to know a person first. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Whether
you tell her now or wait until later you can't go wrong because you have not
exposed her to the virus. If she decides to run from the relationship then
that will be her loss. People do run no matter if you tell them right away
or later. I would hope that she would see you for the person that you are
deep inside and not what you have physically or monetarily ~ know what I
mean? I do wish you nothing but the best and hope you will keep us posted.
~Angela

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/PickingUpThePieces/

cruisemusic@dodo.com.au

I've had genital herpes for 21 years. Caught it on the road when
touring with a rock band. Met my future wife and I told her I had it
and she had to choose between me and a chance of contracting the
virus, or, if I wasn't good enough for her she had the option to go
elsewhere. I think you should get to know her until she is madly in
love with you and then let her choose. Study up on the facts of herpes
and let her know the facts, just be honest and assure her that you
will make every effort not to pass it on. @ One in 5 ***ually active
people have HSV. If she doesn't get it from you she may be at a higher
risk of contracting it from someone who isn't honest like yourself. We
don't wish to spread it but take these precautions. I have been
married for 13 years. As far as I'm concerned my wife doesn't have the
virus. There are signs I can feel when it comes on. These are the
times when you don't have unprotected ***. I get a tingle around the
genitals a few days before, or very moody and feverish from
pre-herpial tension. I know the signs well and can read it before it
comes. After a sore heals I always use a condom for at least a week
after to prevent any skin shedding. Don't hit the alcohol hard as it
brings on attacks by lowering your immunity system. Also, the lusty
effect of alcohol may alter your mind to have *** when you know you
shouldn't. Live healthy, get heaps of sleep, find ways to reduce
stress, look after yourself and the attacks will be very mininmal.

Before getting married I went out with a girl and unfortunately passed
it on to her. I knew if she had an outbreak because she would transfer
the attack back on me and I would have sores a few days later. Never
with my wife though. I'm damn sure after 13 years of marraige she
hasn't got it.

Good luck, I hope it works out for you....

mr roper

Thanks Doug....that was a good post. I might print yours and other posts off
to have on hand when the time comes lol But I don't want to wait til me
cross the line of love, and I don't want to tell until I am certain we are
both willing to committ to something long term. This isn't something you
tell casual dating partners etc. Also, good point on her meeting others not
as honest. For HSV 1, 70-80% of people have it, some don't know, which is
how I got it.

Cheers


news:<bh91pb$ral$1@nntp-stjh-01-01.rogers.nf.net>...

news.verizon.net

If the kissing begins and it's obvious to you that things are going to
progress, or if you've had to stop her, than it's time to tell her. My own
experience is that most women will respect the hell out of you for telling
them -- and most care more about the relationship than the herpes. My last
girlfriend and I (who broke up for unrelated reasons after being together
for about a year) met and got together a few times. While hooking up one
time (about two weeks into things), she went to put her hands down my pants
and I had to stop her. That's when I looked at her and told her about my
condition. Basically, here's what I said, "I have something to tell you,
something you need to know about. I have relatively common condition that
about 25% of the population has, but only about 5% know they have it. I
have herpes." Then I gave it a second to sink in - she was lost for words -
and said, "I'm telling you this because I care about you, and I don't want
to take any chances with you getting it. I take a pill daily (Famvir) that
keeps me from getting outbreaks and it reduces the chance of spreading it,
but doesn't eliminate the chance of spreading it. If you don't want to date
me, I would totally understand, but I couldn't let this go any further
without you knowing."

This is a smart, professional, beautiful girl I should add. She was lost
for words for what seemed like an hour, but was probably about 10 seconds.
I asked her if she was okay and she just put her finger over her mouth in a
"be quiet" gesture. After a few more seconds she just reached down and
hugged me. At this point I had no idea if she was going to cut bait and run
or not. Then, she asked if there was anything she could do get me to
climax! I told her she could use her hand. Months later in the
relationship, when we were reminiscing, she told me that when I had stopped
her and told her of my condition, she realized that I was honest, that I was
responsible, and that I truly cared about her -- in her words that was when
she thought of me as a "man" (vs. a "guy"). Basically, it was me having the
conversation with her that took her feelings for me to the next level --
imagine that!

I had a similar experience once before too with another girl which I had
posted here at the time. Basically guys, if you tell the girl, and if she's
a quality girl, she won't run off -- she'll only feel that much closer to
you and have that much more respect for you for having the balls to tell her
(yes, they seem to understand that it's a tough conversation to bring up so
early.)

My only advice is this... when you tell them, be cool and be confident. If
you seem panicked or stressed or scarred, they will too -- after all, if it
freaks you out than why shouldn't it freak her out. If you're calm and in
control - than it must not be that bad - or at least manageable.

Good luck.

david reiley

Amen.