ribeldi2003

As you've all probably heard one of the symptoms of PTSD is a sense of
a foreshortened future. But has anybody heard of any theories as to
why this is?

sense and sensability

my theory, for what its worth:

along with PTSD comes depression, and with depression, one seems to feel
there is no hope, no future, nothing to look forward to. with the sensation
of a foreboding and ominous sense of pending doom. death seems just around
the corner at any minute.

when I was experiencing deep and my strongest issues with PTSD, one of
friends asked, hey, why is it you are giving things away?

how do you explain that to someone without verifying for everyone that you
are a nutcase? I just told them that I was downsizing.

anneks89

Greetings Ribeldi,

Good response to give your friends. I've been there, done that. They are used
to hearing the downsizing line from me.

I find that my friends without PTSD can only slightly empathize. That's OK.
The value of my 12 step meetings and "program friends" is tremendous. I find
that the traditions of the 12 step programs offer the most hope. Everyone
needs a friend. I need anonymity also.

I've also learned is that acquaintances and my closest friends are not
responsible for my well being. Difficult lesson for me to learn. Important
for me to remember.

Thank you for writing

Take care,
Anne on the prairie

pugsley

I attended AA for two years. I was one of the few that didn't like it.
But I managed to stay off the grog and get some insight into my problems.
Consequently it was hell owning up to my own problems. Before I blamed
everyone and everything but myself.
PTSD came at me like a firkin racing car during the time I was off the grog.
At times I struggled make the distance between the counselling house and the
hospital without collapsing.
However, that was in the 1980's and I have to tell myself that this recent
episode is merely a drop of water in a pond.

ribeldi2003

Thanks. I think that makes a whole lot of sense.

I wonder also if it's a disguised death wish. Wishing to just be out of
the pain and hopelessness.

lucas, peter

I used to shake my head or laugh when all my friends told me I had a
'death wish'. I thought they were just being ****heads. It started in
1974 and ended (I hope) about 1999. Well, it's been a while since it's
come up again, so hopefully it's ended.

It came in handy sometimes :-)

--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia

ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Das computermachine ist nicht fuer
gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk,
blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken
bei das dumpkopfen. Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-
pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das
blinkenlichten

z55

I'd tried at age 10 to hang myself. Yea, it was to get out of the pain and
hopelessness. Having a mentally ill mother and abusive step-father was no
fun : (

I lived in 22 places for six months or longer by the time I was 18 and
joined the military. I entered the military with just what was on their
list to bring and a few changes of clothes.

Giving everything away was just part of the routine. I gave away my most
precious treasures since I was eight years old and folks got a divorce and
then my mother would move us all over the place. Now I still give away
things, no matter their expense because I don't have an attachment to
material things. To me a sparkley piece of broken windshield is the same
value as a diamond - no difference.

What does matter is how someone treats me. If it's with kindness and I can
eventually trust them, wow - now that's worth all the diamonds in the world! Z55
"Lucas, Peter" <skyskum@everywhere.com.au> wrote in message news:Xns94A1DBD982B9999999@130.133.1.4...

lucas, peter

I'll have to admit I can't top myself (too gutless?).

I'd rather someone else did it for me :-)

I tried for soooooooooooooo long to get someone else to do it for me,
and it never happened.
In that time, I was shot 3 times and stabbed 5 times.
None of that shit ever bothered me. But I was never happy with surviving.

I won't even bother talking about mine. (But I'm sure one of my stalkers
will let you all know about them)


I was 17 :-)

I still do that.

:-)

I just recently gave away a ($2,000) lounge suite, dining room chairs,
computer chairs, a lawn mower, a whipper snipper, electrical appliances,
food, desks, money.................
all my stuff......... but I just wanted other more needy people to have
them. And it made me feel good to give it to them. Makes me feel good to
walk into my empty lounge room. I'd rather give it away now, and at
least get *some* sort of pleasure out of it, than die with all that shit
and not know what's going to happen.

Besides, I'm going to be moving sometime soon, and i don't want all that extra crap.


I'd rather a diamond........... more stuff I could help with :-)


Unfortunately, there aren't too many bright people in the world.

I have stated the same thing for quite some time. If people talk nice to
me........ everything is sunshine and roses. Show one bit of
aggression/dis-loyalty and 'Bad Peter' comes out and things get messy.

But....I will *not* trust someone who says a kind word to me. Whilst I
listen to the words, I'm looking for the knife.

--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia

ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Das computermachine ist nicht fuer
gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk,
blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken
bei das dumpkopfen. Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-
pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das
blinkenlichten

tinydancer

You know, I don't think anyone has ever admitted anyway, that they were
sucidal at that age, to me before. I remember when I used to walk to
elementary school, I used to think about stepping off the curb in front of a
bus or semi. Sometimes I'd come so close. Sometimes in those spaces where
my mind would be almost totally separated from my body. You know what I
mean? Like I'd be feeling all spacey or something in my mind. Not that I
wasn't thinking about what I wanted to do, more like I was feeling sort of
etheral? is that the word I want? And I used to have to walk over a fairly
large bridge on my way to school too. I've always been afraid of bridges,
but sometimes walking over that bridge I'd visualize climbing over the
railing and jumping. But when I tell people about things like that, things
that happened when I was so young, they look at me like I'm really crazy or
totally insane. Yet I can distinctly recall walking at that age, tears
streaming down my face. Not crying out loud, but just silent tears
streaming down, making it hard for me to see, and watching for those buses
or semi's coming along. I don't know why I never did it then, because there
were so many times I came so close. And I didn't feel afraid, there was
just something inside that would stop me.

I've always had 'things' I've been afraid of, heights, water, bad men,
knives, but when I've been in 'close situations', other than the knives
thing, but situations where one thinks they might die, an extreme calmness
overtakes me, and I'm not afraid at all. I was on a plane once that made an
emergency landing, and everyone else appeared to be freaked out, yet I was
totally calm. I remember thinking "so this is how it will end." And
another time I fell into very deep water, I can't swim because of my fear of
water. I remember sinking way down, my mind was at peace. I wasn't
panicking or anything. I recall touching the bottom and slowly floating
back up to the surface. I thought I'd just hit bottom and stay there, but
my body seemed to just float back up again, without me doing anything. I
don't know if that's what always happens because I'd never fallen into deep water before? td

z55

Hiya Peter,

Unless they were police or military, or an oncoming vehicle or a really
looooonng drop off, I wouldn't trust someone else to do it right! I figure
at least I would have control over the way I go.

Damn! Do you leak like a fountain after you drink the red?! Ok, I just
left myself open for a smart ass reply about taking a leak, didn't I? : )
* (Didn't mean to be a smart ass myself, the idea of you being shot and
stabbed threw me. You're such a sweetie.)

Seriously though, isn't it strange how the physical harm doesn't seem to
bother us as much as being alive?? ((((((((((((( Peter ))))))))))))
I hope we can learn to be happy someday.


Are you serious or joking that someone is stalking you?

Ah, so youthful and such a shame we couldn't have been in a more peaceful
environment. But if you were like me, you felt being a soldier was
something we were already well cut out to be.


Oh Peter, but once there they made me wear a skirt and bra!!!!!! Yuk! : )

Are you my long lost evil twin? ; ) Yea, it feels good to give things to
others, especially folks who have very little, they truly appreciate it! I
think that there's something about giving that makes it good to feel
emotions, especially something positive.

I wonder how many of us do this, give our stuff away. To feel positive
emotions, because we feel we may not be around long anyway. Sometimes I feel
like possessions are a ball and chain around my ankle - would keep me from
running away. I have nightmares sometimes when I'm trying to load my
emergency bin into the truck, but realize that I haven't gone through it
recently to know that it's got all the supplies and things in it that it's
supposed to. Then I get stuck trying to locate the flashlight, the gun,
whatever and all the while I can *feel* the enemy/intruder/danger coming
closer and I'm gonna get killed because I couldn't move out fast enough.

Good point mate!

I understand.


If I find myself out of the house without my knife I'm less likely to be
kind to others.
At least if I'm armed I can feel a bit calmer. Don't you agree, better to
be armed as well as dangerous? : )

Z55