sanguine

What meds were you on before? What are you taking now?

That ****s, huh? I remember going off like that. Always on the brink of
losing it. Like your frustation level is always peaked. I was diagnosed
with BPD and ADD over two years ago. I took lithium (which really screwed
up my body) and Adderall. The Adderall helped the most. It was like once
the ADD was under control, I was able to think clearly enough to keep
everything else in check. I haven't been on meds for a year now and am
doing excellent so there IS hope.

which i know isn't good and i know i


He may very well understand exatly what your issues are and at the same time
have very natural reactions to your abuse. I think of people as people
first and sick second. People should never excuse our eratic and abusive
behavior just because we have a legitimate diagnosis. In fact, I think it
would do you more harm if your boyfriend allowed you to be abusive just
because of BPD. That may sound harsh but BPDer's have a hard enough time
staying grounded in reality without other people overlooking and excusing
our bad behaviors. Encourage him to react to you as a normal human being
and keep on trying to keep your emotions and outbursts in check. A big part
of you wants to push him away so you can watch him come back over and over.
It's part of the curse. If you can keep that in mind, when you most want to
push, it might help you to control yourself. And in those times, try to
communicate very honestly with your boyfriend. Sometimes it's hard to do
that because we really don't understand why we're acting the way we are but
if you do have any ideas communicate those with him. As far as meds go,
they don't usually work overnight, unless they are stimulants or benzos of
some sort. Klonapin helped me with anxiety sometimes.

Extend to your boyfriend as much patience and understanding as you want him
to extend to you. If you can't do that, perhaps you need to put the
relationship on the back burner until you've learned some skills to help you
through.
Good luck, Angie

lnsanecat

thanks... i really needed that... your very right!! its just so hard
sometimes to control it all.. if i could i wouildn't be the way i am..
i'm also diagnosed manic depressive disassociative disorder and post
tramitic stress disorder.. the meds i am on are remeron and risperdal....
years ago i was diagnosed aadd adult attention deficit disorder but somehow
that diagnosis has been lost... i don't know anymore what to think i know i
don't wanna be this way anymore!!!

sanguine

Glad you weren't offended. It might help to remember that the diagnosis of
any disorder, even though it's helpful to finally put a name to our
weirdness, is just a name. It is a name assigned to you by someone who, no
matter how extensive the research on you may have been, does NOT know you
through and through. And usually these diagnosis are made after only a few
visits. All they did was say, "Ok, this person has has this issue, shows
this behavior thus they ar this." the pshychological community themselves
admit that the field of personality disorders and the diagnosing of them is
guess work and not absolute in the least. I think a persons best doctor is
themselves.....even though counseling can help guide you sometimes.

You say you don't want to be "this way" anymore. I know what you mean. It
took me a long time to realize that "this way" wasn't my entire person. It
was just a few personality characteristics gone awry. I believe that if
everyone were to go to the dr. they could diagnose every single person with
something or another. Don't focus on your diagnosis. Focus on what you
know to be true about yourself and just use the dr.'s for the meds. :-) I
don't mean that in a bad way.

Can I ask why your doc chose to put you on risperdal? Even though it's an
anti-psychotic, it's shown to have some (but not much) effect on depression
and mania. Why not a drug more geared toward your diagnosis?

Angie

d

It is pretty hard to let things go when someone lashes out at you in
anger...even if you know they can't help it. I'm not BPD but a friend
of mine is. It took me years to get over the "taking it personal"
part. Just give him some time, and during those moments when you're
feeling better...try to work with him and help him to understand. He
needs reassurance. I think eventually he will understand, but it
really takes time. In the meantime, I'm sure you suffer lots of
'guilt' and frustration. I'm sorry for you. I go through the same
feelings, but for different disorders :-(

Take care!

D

lnsanecat

well its kind of embarrassing but i think everyone is out to get me i think
i'm being followed like at walmart and stuff and i'm afraid like my
boyfriend is cheating on me when he's not and i'm afraid of getting left
places so i never leave anyone alone even to go to the bathroom . paranoid
schizo.

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lnsanecat

both

nakedlightbulb

Very wise, Angie. It took me a long time to realize that too. In fact, after
receiving a whole new crop of diagnoses just this past January, I'm still
having to make a concerted effort to get past the psycho-rhetoric.


Diana "Of the Moon"

sanguine

And that's a very hard thing to do because even though you can have respect
for the knowledge they have, you must also keep in perspective that they are
mere humans...no more or less than you. I've seen so many people get ****ed
into the psych arena and never get better. It really is a whole other world
and way of existing.

Angie

lnsanecat

Thanks everyone..........

d

You're welcome. I hope we were able to help you some.
How are you feeling?

D