22nd February 18:54
Socialising EXERCISES -(or, tricks)- one can do... (aerobics)
MY 1ST ART WORKSHOP CLASS
Well, I went to my 1st Art Workshop class...we drew still life...vases on a
table...with a cloth backdrop. The teacher said, she wanted to see what level
of ablity we were at. I got to admit my stuff was just mere outline scribble!
She, then, gave us some homework...go home, and, set up a still life to
draw...just like we did in class. And, she also gave us some papers to
read...to teach us how to shade/do proper perspective/-etc. She said she would
know if we read these papers or not...by seeing if our homework drawing had
improved or not?!
Anyway, that was one class out of the way...; and, so one less thing to go
worrying about...; if I will be able to handle it or not...I did!
MY 1ST YOGA CLASS
And, I also went to my 1st Yoga class. The 'beginners' class was not as
difficult as I had imagined it might be.
It was mostly gentle stretching...; and, you were not forced or reprimanded if
you couldn't do a certain move...; but, instead, the teacher was very kind,
Yoga postures -(unlike say, aerobics, which is done really fast)- are done
really slow...and, with lots of slow deep breathing.
At the end of the class, I actually felt far better than when I had, first,
went in there. More calm/relaxed/positive thinking.
I was going to leave the Yoga evening class -just like I left my 1st class this
morning- without having even said a single word to anybody there, but, the
teacher, alone...; but, then, I said to myself I must try. So, I went up to a
girl...who had been practicing right beside me...; and, asked her, 'do you feel
much better?' She said, 'a little bit.' And, we both laughed!
However, our conversation wasn't long. But, the main thing was I tried chatting
with a stranger...and, even the opposite ***, as well...which is definitely,
most unusual, for me! I, usually, find it a lot more easier going up, and,
talking to guys, instead.
Anyway, another college day done, for me. And, I still have a few more 'new'
classes to go try. Including 'Drawing from life'??? And, 'Tai Chi'. With plenty
of more 'new' people to go and meet, I'm sure.
But, if you were to, quite seriously, ask me...has my Social Phobia changed
much, deep down inside? Then, I would have to admit to you...no, absolutely
nothing has changed, atall.
I still have no close relationships/or, girlfriend. I still don't go asking
girls out. And, the guys who I hook up with...to practice martial arts...-(it's
VERY difficult to learn martial arts, alone...proper
timing/distancing/balance/technique/-etc. So, you really and truly need to work
out with a partner.)- I don't feel close to them, neither. Instead, it's just a
'distant' thing. Hi...let's practice...goodbye.
So, ultimately, I still feel very much, all alone, as ever I did before was I
going to college.
But, at least, going to college offers me 2 things...
1) The chance to get a few qualifications...; as I have NONE!
2) The chance to go and socialise with others...; by, simply, being around
others more. I may, or, may not choose to take such chances...depending on if I
feel 'brave' or not...and, most times -(99 out of 100)-, I feel utterly
cowardly, instead...; but, at least, the opportunity to go and socialise is
I believe that if you put yourself in the right place/being in amongst the
right people...people who share your same interests in life...; then, at some
point or other...when you see an opportunity that is far too tempting to be
able to leave - then, you will take it.
So, I believe that, eventually, my really big opportunity will come along for
me to go and take...; all depending on what it is I want at whichever
particular moment in time...bearing in mind wants/needs can, also, change?!
And, that what we wanted, yesterday...; is NOT necessarily what we will want,
today...; or, what we want, today...might NOT necessarily be what we will want,
Anyway, according to what I feel I want at the moment...then, I must make sure
I've put myself in the right place, first, to go and get it. And, so, this is
what I'm mostly working on learning to do...
GOOD LUCK, Michelle, and, ALL!/;-)