kittieindigo3

Hi there, everybody at alt.support.personality,

I have just a couple of questions. My older sister may have been diagnosed with
BPD by our family counselor whom we were seeing when our mother first started
exhibiting the very early signs of dementia. For various reasons, no one in our
family is seeing that family counselor any longer. My sister only saw this
particular counselor about seven or eight times at the most. Prior to our
family figuring out mother was suffering from dementia, she began saying that
my sister was diagnosed by this family counselor with BPD. Alarmed, my sister
(her name is Karen) called this family counselor and asked if it was true. The
counselor said to her, "I didn't say that I had diagnosed you with BPD. I'm not
comfortable with labels and tend not to use them, but I may have mentioned the
disorder to your mother." The woman was not clear on the context in which it
might have been mentioned. Our mother claims (or rather claimed--she doesn't
recall any of it now) that the counsellor actually read the diagnosis out of
the DSM.

The problem is that our mother started going around telling family members and
family friends that my sister has this disorder, and it hurt and upset Karen a
great deal. Certain family members and close family friends (two people my
sister loves) are still treating her as if she is diseased and to be avoided.
She (my sister) called the counselor again (about six months later) and told
her this was going on. The woman said, "Don't be bothered by the things your
mother says. People who know you will know you don't have a disorder."
Unfortnately, my sister's depression has made her seem gloomy and weepy and
noncommunicative, and some people have taken this as evidence for her having
BPD. (*Not* to say that any of these people know what BPD is--they're just


such-and-so," OR "I made no diagnosis of Karen." That was all she asked for.
The woman wrote Karen back saying that she was sorry that Karen was going
through all this, but she could not provide her with a written statement. She
would release her "session notes" to another licensed therapist ONLY. Karen
could not afford it at that time. The counselor's refusal seems strange to me
since she had already claimed she never made the diagnosis. She said it on two
separate occasions on the telephone, and I heard the second one myself. Why not
clear my sister's name in print, then?

My question is this: due to what we now understand is her dementia, our mom has
tried to make Karen (and me--but I'm not the focus this time) look bad before.
It used to create a smoke screen so people wouldn't pay so much attention to
her own mental state. Anyhow, I can see that she could have persuaded the
family therapist that my sister has BPD. But -- 1. Wouldn't the therapist be
bound by some kind of law to TELL my sister she needed therapy and/or
medication if the counselor really did make a diagnosis of a personality
disorder? and 2. Having looked into it, we see that narcissism and fear of
abandonment are two key features of BPD, and she doesn't quite fit the
description. I mean, she can be way too "into" her hair and stuff, but she is
still mostly non-narcissistic. Since we were kids, until recently when she
became depressed, she has always preferred to be alone to read or write than to
be with other people. She's very introspective, and
while she cries a lot (now), and has burned herself one time, she doesn't
exactly
rage at people (she has a temper but it shows itself usually for a reason), and
her temperament is usually kindhearted, helpful, and altruistic. She isn't
selfless in a saintly sort of way, but since she was a ****ager she has been
concerned with the well-being of other people and society in general (the
homeless problem is a big concern of hers, as well as animal rights). Her moods
(nowadays) lately go from down to more down, not up-and-down. She used to be
joyful and happy. All of her ex-boyfriends (four of them--she's thirty) still
consider themselves her friend, despite the fact that the romances ended, and
there was never any bad blood.
Her life has been a little irratic--she has had a lot of different jobs, but I
say that's because she is an artist and is terrible at math and really just
wants to write. She has no self-image problems, if by "self-image" the DSM
means she doesn't know "who she is." She has always been a writer. She has
always been a Democrat. Always straight. Always concerned about animals and the
homeless. She is considered to be a kind and considerate and non-needy person.
She is, if anything, a classic loner, an introvert (but she does like being
with people sometimes). Does this sound like a person with BPD? Could she be an
"irregular" or rare sort of BPD sufferer? Is there a special criteria for that?
Is there a website about it?

Lastly, late last year she started reading about BPD all over the internet and
getting more and more upset. She's afraid that she's in denial and is
constantly worrying that her own self-assessment is some form of
self-deception. She's becoming a psychiatric hypochondriac, thinking she has
practically every disorder she reads about! She was never like this before.
She's gone round to all of her friends with the DSM criteria for BPD printed
up. She wants everyone to read it and tell her if it sounds like her (they say
it does not). I have told her I that I know her as well as anyone and I don't
think she has BPD (maybe an anxiety disorder), but she's distraught and
inconsolable and very, very depressed. There is only one family member who will
not reconcile with her, and that's her dad (we're half-sisters). He is dying.
He has not spoken a word to her since our mom told him she had a personality
disorder (one year ago). This is more upsetting than anything else, that her
dad (who doesn't "believe in" mental illness--very old fashioned) is going to
die with the wrong idea about her mental health, and this is primarily why she
wanted a written statement from the family counselor--which, as I say, was
curiously denied. The counselor KNEW about her father dying of cancer, too.

How can I help her to rule in or rule out BPD, if for nothing else, for her own
sense of well being? I wonder if you could tell me something that might ease
her mind a little, because her sadness over this whole thing is overwhelming to
her. She is on disability as of last month for depression. She began therapy
about a week or so ago. She hasn't gotten the whole story out yet.

Thanks for any thoughts,
Kitty

nikki

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therapy

If she get disability she could ask for the copy of why she gets it and it
will show all her diagnosis. I ask for a copy and it stated depression with
borderline personality and went in depth on the reasoning for both. My
therapists have never labeled me if it wasn't for the social security
disability I would never of known about the BPD.

I'm sorry your sister has to go through, all this maybe you could recommend
this group to her we are mix of people who just try to support each other on
any type of problem or situation.

Nikki

d

On 30 Jul 2003 08:39:33 GMT, kittieindigo3@aol.com (KittieIndigo3)

Unfortunately...all the 'rulings' seem to be done by the
'labelmakers'...or mental healthcare professionals. These labels that
screw us all up. I agree with Nikki..that in fact, if she does get
disability, it has to LIST the "disability".

Sorry to see anyone go through this. I hope you find some resolution.

D

cogge

There is a new federal law called HIPPA and it regulates medical records as
welll as privacy and confidentiality. She cannot with hold this information
from your sister. While you cannot " force" her to write a letter
describing her dx or lack of, your sister is entitled to see wiyth her own
eyes, her medical records. On rare occasions, mental health professionals
can have a court injunction on the release of records if there is some way
they can prove that the information containedc therin would be
psychologically devastating--but that is rare and extreme. If your
counselor is a licensed counselor, you can threaten her with reporting her
lack of compliance with HIPPA regulations as well as the psychological abuse
suffered at her ineptness--her licensing board could revoke her license for
ethics violations--you would need to know what her license is--if it is an
APA license --a licensed psychologist--or an LICSW which is a licensed
social worker accountable to the NASW.

http://www.nclnet.org/healthprivacy/
http://www.nclnet.org/healthprivacy/healthqanda.htm

if this was something told to your mother without your sister present, it
would probably be protected as your mother's records, but if she has
dementia, then someone must have power of attorney? (if not it would be a
good idea--if her dementia gets too bad, then POA will be harder to get
because she has to be able to consent--if she is unable, you will have to
apply for guardianship with the court system) a POA can request the person's
records and as you can see by the above links--you are entitled to access to
your own health information. Good luck! too many Mental Health
professionals play stupid games when it comes to the " care" they are
supposed to be providing.

cogge'