Thinking_liber 2015-12-09 12:16:56
I’ve been trying to figure out if my wife is depressed, or some other mental
Our house is a mess. She doesn’t work. When she did, she always seemed to
complain about somebody at work. She would really let somebody else’s
idiosynchosies bother her, especially if that person with the
idiosynchrosies seemed to curry favor from the boss.
Well, when I first met her, her place was neat. The warning signs were
Now our house is a mess, except for the area that I keep up. My closet,
dresser, and since I do a large portion of the cooking, the kitchen is clean
most of the time. The thing that ticks me off is, these papers are usually
the Sunday ad inserts (she spends alot of time, trying to find something on
sale), plus old receipts. She has to keep all the receipts because it seems
she does alot of returns.
We rarely eat dinner at the dinner table because her papers are always
scattered all over it. We are social friendly people, and have friends
over, but I’m typically very embarrased by the mess.
She doesn’t drink much at all. When friends are over for a cookout, she may
have 1 beer, while I have four. During the week, I drink one or two beers
with dinner, but she has at most a few sips from my glass.
I’ve tried things like New Year’s resolutions and make a clean sweep
throught he house, straightening it up, etc.
But no matter what, the place ends up a friggen mess.
She is a bit of a pack rat. I’ll throw a bottle of catsup out, then she’ll
take it from the trash to get the remaining few scrapings (she’ll do this
with mayo, OJ, etc. ).
We have young kids, to remain anonymous, I won’t describe ages and sexes.
The kids’ toys are always all over the place. They have too many I guess.
I overlook this mess, and often pick it up myself.
I just can’t understand why she’s such a pig. (When I say Pig, I mean, a
messy person). She is not dissassocitated from the feelings of guilt of
having such a messy place, but she is also complacent about it. Like, of
course it’s a mess, we have kids, and not budget for a maid.
Well, a few years ago, we had a maid clear once per week, and the place was
still a friggen mess two days later for the remaining 5 days.
I am no neat freak.
This is really like a boomerang. The sterotype is for the male to be the
slub with ife always picking up after him. This time, it different.
What do I do?
Jernau gurgeh 2015-12-09 12:18:23
It seems to me that your wife is not really bothered by it all. If she
doesn’t find it problematic why would she try to do anything about it? snip
How can you be certain? Why do you automatically look for cause/solution
in your wife instead of in yourself?
Get used to it. Learn to appreciate the beauty of spontaneity and chaos,
especially in a household with small children.
If it really bothers you, put in some more effort to organize things, and
give your wife a desk where she can put her papers instead of the dining
table. Agree on what areas should be organized and where entropy may
reign. In the end you’ll have to work it out between the two (or four) of
The worst aspect of `typical familyism’
(as media-merchandised) is that it
Dr. siddhartha 2015-12-09 12:18:45
At the risk of channeling Stewart/SNA, here’s a question for you: have you
considered seeking counseling for your own depression?