Cat 2012-01-11 13:47:42
This one has been around awhile, but is still fun.
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW
WITHOUT THE MOVIES
– When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
– If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St.
Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of year.
– All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit
level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
– The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective – or
give him 48 hours to finish the job.
– All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
– It’s easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk
– The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place – no
one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any
other part of the building undetected.
– Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they
are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
– The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
– All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red
readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
– If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even
if you haven’t been carrying any before now.
– You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the
mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
– Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be
necessary to speak the language – a German accent will do.
– If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer
beast, the mayor’s first concern will be the tourist trade or his
forthcoming art exhibition.
– A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will
wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
– When paying for a taxi, don’t look at your wallet as you take out a bill;
just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
– Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you
should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
– If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises
in their most revealing underwear.
– Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every
morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
– Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
– All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
– A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK
– Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
– Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
– It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone
– Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn
the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
– It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are
– A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
– It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving
martial arts – your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing
around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their
– When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will
never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
– No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic
eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
– Once applied, lipstick will never rub off – even while scuba diving.
– You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
– Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds –
unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
– Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you
personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
Firechief 2012-01-18 14:01:07
Television news bulletins will NEVER intertupt a commercial.
…. Procrasinator: A person with hardening of the oughteries.