29th July 00:36
Triumph denounces PETA
The guy who is behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog says that he was
duped by PETA.
Now Triumph sides with Clay and thinks PETA went too far.
A bone to pick with PETA
The man behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog says People for the
Ethical Treatment of Animals tricked him into participating in an ad
with the controversial slogan: "Get Neutered - It Didn't Hurt Clay
In a message posted on triumphtheinsultcomicdog.com, comedy writer
Robert Smigel (in the guise of Triumph) accuses PETA of hiding their
real agenda and misrepresenting the "American Idol" runnerup's
comments about cats in Rolling Stone magazine.
"Turns out PETA had an ax to grind with Clay," Smigel/Triumph says.
"They released the ad and a press release, quoting Clay talking trash
about cats, like 'Cats are Satan.' Never mind that Clay keeds. They
quoted Clay saying 'I ran over a kitten when I was 16.' Never mind
that they left out the part where Clay said it was an accident that
haunts him to this day. Well played, PETA. And I thought I was the pub
Triumph adds: "I'm not into animal rights. The only animal right I
want is the right to hump Ashanti's leg."
Triumph says the attack on Aiken, whose lawyers have been on PETA's
case, "wasn't my first choice. I really wanted 'Chop 'Em Off - They
Didn't Taste That Great Anyway.' But PETA was jonesing for the Clay
joke. ... Of course, I have to stand with Clay, even if they hadn't
twisted his quotes."
PETA President Ingrid Newkirk was unapologetic yesterday: "PETA's no
p-- when it comes to getting the spay-and-neuter issue on the radar,
and we take Triumph's remarks as a compliment, delivered doggy-style."
END OF ARTICLE
Here is the full text of what 'Triumph' said on his official site
TRIUMPH ON THE PETA AD
"Recently I agreed to do an ad for PETA. Why? I'm not into animal
rights. The only animal right I want is the right to hump Ashanti's
leg. Look at your average animal lovers, like Moby and Bill Maher.
Sure, Bill Maher love animals... that's because humans hate him! Moby?
Nice guy, but not the best looking man. I hear Moby had *** with a
poodle once, and the poodle was arrested for bestiality.
Vegetarianism? Count me out. I ain't giving up cow, or bird, or pig.
So why the hell should you? Hell, we'd eat you if someone dropped a
slice on the floor. Oh, yes. We'll have the deep fried Moby with a
side of glazed Mary Tyler Moore, please. Dessert? I'm torn between the
Pam Anderson flambe and the flourless Alec Baldwin cake. Bottom line:
animals are assholes. Delicious assholes.
Which brings me back to this PETA ad. Why would I endorse neutering?
After all, I rip into another animal-hugging nut job, Bob Barker, on
the CD. The guy can't stop telling people to cut their pets' nuts off.
So Jack Black and I have at him: "Bob Barker got a bone to pick/gonna
make a chew toy outta your ****/these teeth are sharp and the price is
right/gonna neuter your ass with one nut crackin' bite." There can be
only one reason I would then turn around and advocate ball chopping:
free publicity. Timed right with the release of the CD. Did I mention
animals are assholes?
That should be the end of the story. But hold the phone - we're
dealing with PETA. Bong - cuckoo! As you see, I made a typically poopy
quip in the ad: "Get Neutered - It Didn't Hurt Clay Aiken." It
actually wasn't my first choice. I really wanted "Chop 'Em Off - They
Didn't Taste That Great Anyway." But PETA was jonesing for the Clay
joke. Whatever. Just give me my pub and go back to your spray
Turns out PETA had an ax to grind with Clay. They released the ad and
a press release, quoting Clay talking trash about cats, like "Cats are
Satan." Never mind that Clay keeds. They quoted Clay saying "I ran
over a kitten when I was 16." Never mind that they left out the part
where Clay said it was an accident that haunts him to this day. (click
here to read his quote) Well played, PETA. And I thought I was the pub
So here I am -- caught in the middle of crappy tunes and looney
tunes... when all I wanted was to whore myself. Of course, I have to
stand with Clay, even if they hadn't twisted his quotes. This is about
a basic human and animal right that must be preserved... the right to
poop, to joke, to keed. Look, I sing "Cats Are C***s" on the CD, but I
keed. I don't hate cats. I've even banged a few in my day. Just never
let a cat give you a hand job."
29th July 16:38
Triumph denounces PETA
Quoth Judy S <firstname.lastname@example.org> in
This is why I love him.
"I am afeard there are few die well that die in a battle; for how can they
charitably dispose of anything when blood is their argument? Now, if these
men do not die well, it will be a black matter for the King that led them
to it; who to disobey were against all proportion of subjection." - W.S.