harry hope

Ann Coulter Spontaneously Combusts

Pundit keeps talking while fully ablaze

By Andy Borowitz

NEWSWEEK WEB EXCLUSIVE


Aug. 26 —

Conservative pundit Ann Coulter spontaneously combusted today during
an appearance on the Fox News Channel, sources at the cable network
confirmed.

ACCORDING TO THOSE who witnessed the bizarre incident, Coulter was in
the middle of an extended rant about liberal comedian Al Franken when
her face became beet-red and smoke began to shoot out of both of her
ears.

Then, almost without warning, Ms. Coulter appeared to burst into
flames, sources said.

The New York Fire Department immediately rushed to the scene to
extinguish Coulter, who continued to talk even while fully ablaze.

"We were dousing her with three fire hoses, but she just kept on
yapping," said Hal Reuss, a fireman who helped put out Ms. Coulter.

"It was freaky."

Meanwhile, outside the Fox News Channel’s New York headquarters,
thousands of publicity-starved authors congregated, begging Fox to sue
them.

Since news of Fox’s lawsuit against comedian Franken promptly sent his
new book to the top of the bestseller lists, a lawsuit from Fox is now
widely regarded in the publishing industry as the most coveted seal of
approval, even surpassing inclusion in Oprah’s Book Club.

One of the authors gathered outside Fox was Stanley Dixon, an author
of several poorly-selling works of literary fiction who is so eager to
be sued by Fox that he has had his name legally changed to "Fox
Newschannel."

Newschannel said that his latest novel, a coming-of-age story set in
rural Indiana entitled "A Sudden Fall," would now be retitled "The Fox
News Channel Can Bite Me."

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I'm sure FUX is prepared to be sued by anyone willing to pay a small
stipend.

tim cowell

Good thing you pointed out that irt was satire. Repugs are too stupid to get
it and will call a trial lawyer for just about anything.