16th July 05:12
Starting again too (new year faith able sense church)
It's no news that I've been struggling here for some time. I've been
thinking a lot about the situation and I can't see any kind of
positive or productive way forward.
Someone from the group said something to me about being "a person who
struggles with the church". Giving in to the old reflex from
childhood that other people know one better than one knows oneself
because they are "objective", I've been unconsciously wearing the
label "Problems with the church" for the last few weeks and wondering
if I shouldn't just stop attending church altogether because of it.
Then I started thinking about all the people at church "in real life"
who I have problems with. "Oh! No-one. People at church – both my
former church and my current church – are positive and supportive. So
why have I labelled myself a person with "problems with the church"
when, in fact, I have problems with UKRC?"
Someone also asked me to think about what I get from the group. And,
thinking about it, I think the answer is what I *got* (past tense)
from the group. I came here to learn and I have learned. I came here
to make friends and I have made friends and I think I'll keep in touch
with many of you. I came here to share – in writing – my Christian
walk with others and I think this is the biggest disappointment.
Although I can discuss how many angels could dance on the head of a
pin – and sometimes have done – that's not primarily why I came here.
Whilst acknowledging that there are only a handful of individuals here
of whom I am frightened, I simply don't feel that I can go on for
the moment in this place. I can't function in a group where I have to
fear that something I say in good faith is going to spark an
expression of outrage or an statement about the insincerity of my
motives in being Christian. I think I could possibly be here if I
understood the dynamics going on, but I *don't* understand and no-one
seems to either be able or willing to explain it to me. (I assume it's
the former and others are simply comfortable and I'm not.)
I think that there is a sense in which I've become addicted to UKRC,
but I think I need to stop. Today is my birthday and it seems to be a
good day to start a new year afresh. I'm not going to make any rash
statements but I hope I can manage to make myself take a least a
year's sabbatical. God be with each one of you.
 Which is my way of saying that I have tried to take each and every
person here as an individual and not as a stereotype. And despite
apparent appearances, I don't think I have ever generalised in my own
head along the lines of "Fred believes X and does Y and because Barney
also calls himself a Pre-Raphaelite, he must be exactly like Fred in
16th July 05:12
Starting again too (demon)
In missive <email@example.com>
firstname.lastname@example.org (Pam) expounded:
And also with you.
I keep thinking I'll do something like this myself but I just can't
let some people get away with posting what they do without challenge.
Best wishes, Pam.
17th July 15:53
Starting again too
I didn't know we had a Jacuzzi. I thought it was a baptismal pool.
Sun, sand and sangria
17th July 15:53
Starting again too (mark mind year don)
Forty-six and I don't mind getting older because every year has got
 I tend to "promote" myself to the next year in February (6 month mark)
so it's not a shock when the birthday comes around. Only just found out
that my father does this too and I never knew that.