stebain

b0bb0

Your story reminds me of one a buddy of mine told me. He had this older
cousin that was an alcoholic and general reprobate who'd frequently get huge
boils on his face. He usually lanced them himself if he could. One day my
bud was at a friend's house tripping his ass of when his cousin shows up. He
begs everyone there to lance his boil for him. The only one willing to do so
was the guy who rented the place who was a real piece of work himself.
Before I go too far I need to explain a bit more about the cousin with the
boil and the guy who lanced it.

The guy with the boil was a very handsome tough-guy renegade type in high
school who got every chick he ever wanted. He started running with biker
types. One day he was on the back of a hog that took a curve a bit too wide
(the middle of the other lane) with a pickup truck coming the other way. The
driver laid the bike down and was going so fast he stopped the truck. This
farked the guy's leg up pretty bad (compound fracture goodness) and the
doctors pinned the bones back together and put a cast with a door in it on
his leg. The guy ate lots of acid and would open the door and fish around
inside, pulling out the odd bits of bone he'd find. He even made a necklace
out of them. Well, his leg didn't take these insults too kindly and turned
gangrous and had to be amputated. After the amputation the guy woke up to a
nurse who was a nun, asking him what he wanted done with his severed limb.
While the nun was explaining the options of burial or cremation the guy cut
her off and said "make soup out of it". His life went downhill from there.
His nickname was Crutch.

The guy who rented the house was a real brain at one time (worked as an
engineer for NASA during the moon landing years) but took a wrong turn on
the road of life. He hooked up with this chick and fathered like seven
children to go with the three or four she already had. They were a real
earth couple. She enjoyed pooting them out and he usually delivered them. He
delivered one on a water bed and worried the kid would get seasick. He took
her to a hospital for the last one but she was too far gone and he ended up
delivering the kid in a hospital broom closet. They moved into this
farmhouse and raised farm animals as pets and they died a lot. They probably
died because he'd brew his own antibiotics to treat them with. He'd put a
bunch of stuff into a water cooler jug and top it off with a used tea bag,
which he claimed started the "brewing" process. Then he'd inject his sick
animals with the stuff and they'd get sicker and die. I could write pages
about this guy but I'll save it for another thread. I think I've said enough
for you to get the picture. His nickname was Billy-goat Bill.

Back to the boil episode. So Billy-goat Bill agrees to lacne Crutch's
forehead boil. First he injects the boil area with one of the few
store-bought vetrinary meds he had, some sort of bovine antibiotic with an
anasthetic in it. Then he lances the boil and starts squeezing. My bud,
tripping his ass off is watching. Just as the thing is ready to let go
Crutch turns his head to aim his weapon at my bud, who's a little bit
faster. Crack! The boil pops as my bud steps to the side and narrowly avoids
the puss stream. Boil juice all over the floor and wall.

Good times.
----------

stebain

b0bb0

Your story reminds me of one a buddy of mine told me. He had this older
cousin that was an alcoholic and general reprobate who'd frequently get huge
boils on his face. He usually lanced them himself if he could. One day my
bud was at a friend's house tripping his ass of when his cousin shows up. He
begs everyone there to lance his boil for him. The only one willing to do so
was the guy who rented the place who was a real piece of work himself.
Before I go too far I need to explain a bit more about the cousin with the
boil and the guy who lanced it.

The guy with the boil was a very handsome tough-guy renegade type in high
school who got every chick he ever wanted. He started running with biker
types. One day he was on the back of a hog that took a curve a bit too wide
(the middle of the other lane) with a pickup truck coming the other way. The
driver laid the bike down and was going so fast he stopped the truck. This
farked the guy's leg up pretty bad (compound fracture goodness) and the
doctors pinned the bones back together and put a cast with a door in it on
his leg. The guy ate lots of acid and would open the door and fish around
inside, pulling out the odd bits of bone he'd find. He even made a necklace
out of them. Well, his leg didn't take these insults too kindly and turned
gangrous and had to be amputated. After the amputation the guy woke up to a
nurse who was a nun, asking him what he wanted done with his severed limb.
While the nun was explaining the options of burial or cremation the guy cut
her off and said "make soup out of it". His life went downhill from there.
His nickname was Crutch.

The guy who rented the house was a real brain at one time (worked as an
engineer for NASA during the moon landing years) but took a wrong turn on
the road of life. He hooked up with this chick and fathered like seven
children to go with the three or four she already had. They were a real
earth couple. She enjoyed pooting them out and he usually delivered them. He
delivered one on a water bed and worried the kid would get seasick. He took
her to a hospital for the last one but she was too far gone and he ended up
delivering the kid in a hospital broom closet. They moved into this
farmhouse and raised farm animals as pets and they died a lot. They probably
died because he'd brew his own antibiotics to treat them with. He'd put a
bunch of stuff into a water cooler jug and top it off with a used tea bag,
which he claimed started the "brewing" process. Then he'd inject his sick
animals with the stuff and they'd get sicker and die. I could write pages
about this guy but I'll save it for another thread. I think I've said enough
for you to get the picture. His nickname was Billy-goat Bill.

Back to the boil episode. So Billy-goat Bill agrees to lacne Crutch's
forehead boil. First he injects the boil area with one of the few
store-bought vetrinary meds he had, some sort of bovine antibiotic with an
anasthetic in it. Then he lances the boil and starts squeezing. My bud,
tripping his ass off is watching. Just as the thing is ready to let go
Crutch turns his head to aim his weapon at my bud, who's a little bit
faster. Crack! The boil pops as my bud steps to the side and narrowly avoids
the puss stream. Boil juice all over the floor and wall.

Good times.
----------

stebain

damn. wrong place.

stebain

damn. wrong place.